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I agree. And that's why dating has been made damn near impossible by some people. They're looking for the perfect match when it does not exist. I get it and that's why I'm willing to make exceptions for people who have flaws.
Everyone has flaws. It's more about if the pros outweigh the cons. In today's society, there is a lot more cons to pros simply because of terrible messages made to make you feel good about yourself- even when you're essentially a loser. Plus all the weak and needy males giving an abundance of attention to pretty much every type of women... Yeah this society isn't that great if you don't know what's going on in the dating and relationship dynamics.
It truly is survival of the fittest when it comes to dating/relationships right now.
Everyone has flaws. It's more about if the pros outweigh the cons. In today's society, there is a lot more cons to pros simply because of terrible messages made to make you feel good about yourself- even when you're essentially a loser. Plus all the weak and needy males giving an abundance of attention to pretty much every type of women... Yeah this society isn't that great if you don't know what's going on in the dating and relationship dynamics.
It truly is survival of the fittest when it comes to dating/relationships right now.
Another reason why I'm not a huge fan of (free) online dating sites like OKC and Tinder. Decent people who are seriously searching for a partner are crowded out by the plethora of creeps just looking to get laid for the evening.
If you have a high compatibility rating with an individual, and yet you're still having this much difficulty accepting the other person for who they are (at least to the extent of giving it more than one date's worth of a shot), then something's wrong with you. You're picking out way too many little flaws in that person and festering over them and you're not being fair to that person or to yourself for that matter. People who do this wind up looking in the mirror ten years down the road asking themselves what the hell did they do all this time.
Bottom line is that unless I came across as a total tool or creeper, which I did not, there was no reason that any of these girls should have responded the way they did (disappearing, ignoring me). Have some courtesy! Be a grown-up and tell me what you are feeling. Don't be immature and hide from me. These are the small favors I ask for in return.
There's nothing wrong with these women. I don't care if you have a 99% compatibility with these people. If they meet you and just aren't feeling the attraction, then they shouldn't agree to go on a second date with you. You say these women haven't told you why they rejected you and yet you're also saying they're picking out too many little flaws. Well how can you know this if they haven't told you why they rejected you? The bottom line is that you're not able to cope with rejection. So you're just assuming these women are overly picky as a way to assign blame. You're asking them to be grownups and mature, but you're unable to do the same.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
Yep, sure, a number of reasons that I'll supposedly never know.
So why dwell on it? Why not just accept that these people weren't interested in you for whatever reason and just move on?
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
Yes, because venting and frustration automatically translates into me being the issue. Tell me, is that why you had so many issues in regards to Work & Employment situations? Because your numerous whiny posts on that sub would seem to indicate that to me based on your logic in this thread.
Then post some examples. Show me where I'm guilty of whining about work and employment situations.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
Again, shall we reference your numerous whiny posts from the Work & Employment sub to demonstrate how you like to talk out of both sides of your mouth about issues of time and money spent on wasted opportunities?
Yes, we shall since is the third time I've asked you to provide examples.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
I understood what you were talking about. No need to get condescending towards me because I haven't accepted your premise. I just didn't think it was relevant to me, because my costs do not align with your argument.
Nice try, but it is relevant to you. Do your job interviews only take up 5 minutes of your time? Nope. They take up a significant portion of your time. So I'll ask you again, do you get upset with companies you interviewed with when they reject you?
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
It's less about having assurance than expecting some courtesy in return. Flaking out and disappearing, or acting as if I was some kind of creep (by ignoring me) is something I consider highly offensive. Especially since I basically made the date (funds, conversation, energy, etc.) while they simply showed up. This indicates to me that they probably weren't that interested to begin with.
No, it indicates to me you have a very selfish attitude about dating. If they weren't that interested to begin with, they wouldn't have agreed to meet you in the first place. But all you can think about is YOUR time, YOUR money, YOUR effort. Never mind that they gave up some of THEIR free time to meet with you.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
I mean, I've had a number of relationships prior to this stint of dating and I don't recall it ever being this excruciatingly painful and drab. There were girls I've had little chemistry with up front, but at least we gave it some time and allowed the relationship to develop. I don't know what type of lofty expectations these particular women had, but I'm sure we could have worked something out if they at least gave it a shot. IMO, some people make it nearly impossible for themselves to carry on a relationship because they pick out every minute flaw in the person they're meeting with. I'm not perfect, and nobody is, especially not these women (who could gain to lose a few pounds and show some charisma). Hell, I was even willing to look past all that because I'm not a shallow person. I'm the type of person that's willing to look past these flaws because I truly think that anything is possible. But yet, I'm still the one that gets "dumped". Awesome-sauce!
OMG. You really are a child. Because these women decided after the first date that they were no longer interested in you, you're now concluding that they have lofty expectations. Grow up. These women don't owe you anything.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
I invoked your post history because it's relevant in illustrating your hypocrisy. You're preaching to me about how these women owe me nothing while you've dedicated a lot of time boo-hooing about how inconsiderate employers have been with your time and resources. It just goes to show that that there are people who exist that whine and expect sympathy when one aspect of their life isn't going well and preach down to others when they have it made in some other aspect of their life. With lop-sided logic like that, it's difficult to take anything you say seriously.
No, it's difficult to take you seriously when I'm now asking you for the fourth time to provide examples of my supposed whining about inconsiderate employers. Why are you unable to provide examples? Could it be because you have none?
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
I'm not asking for these women to sleep with me or anything crude like that. I'm just asking that A) they show some courtesy after the first date by at least letting me know what's up (that doesn't mean disappearing or ignoring me) and B) not wasting my time and money if they're not pretty darn sure about me or dating up front. What would make it even more ideal is if they laid down some cash on these dates so there is an equal share between us that is invested. I don't think that's asking too much.
Yes, you are asking too much. You're asking these women to know something ahead of time that they can't possibly know. How are they supposed to know just from reading your profile and chatting with you online that the two of you will hit it off at the first meeting?
I think you put too much pressure on these dates. I also think that you should concentrate on one or two, and as they don't work out, you move to another. But to have to work 5? You need to be more accepting of what you find are personality differences. First dates for some are the most awkward dates they will have. It may take time to get these women to warm up to you. That's why asking about how the date went, IMO, they are probably thinking, was this guy present at all? I've always just stated that I had a great time, and that I am grateful they opened up so I could learn more about them. You don't go on dates to start a relationship. You go on dates to see if a particular woman is right to have a relationship with. Most relationships come out of nowhere, they can surprise you. And just because you initially went out with some female who wasn't exactly your best match, doesn't mean that she can turn into the best girl you've ever met.
There's nothing wrong with these women. I don't care if you have a 99% compatibility with these people. If they meet you and just aren't feeling the attraction, then they shouldn't agree to go on a second date with you. You say these women haven't told you why they rejected you and yet you're also saying they're picking out too many little flaws. Well how can you know this if they haven't told you why they rejected you? The bottom line is that you're not able to cope with rejection. So you're just assuming these women are overly picky as a way to assign blame. You're asking them to be grownups and mature, but you're unable to do the same.
I think the answers to your questions are pretty implicit. People are rejected based on their flaws or based on not fitting some expectation of the perfect candidate. Therefore, I think it's a reasonable assumption that they rejected me because I didn't meet some expectation or criteria of what a perfect mate is for them. And knowing me, I'm not a loser in the least. So I don't really know what else these women could have expected me to be.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
So why dwell on it? Why not just accept that these people weren't interested in you for whatever reason and just move on?
I'm not exactly dwelling on it. I mentioned on an anonymous online forum how it perturbed me that they responded in a certain way. Big deal. Guess what? I'm still communicating with one of the five and I have another date on Wednesday. You're the one that's getting all worked up over my dating life. Take it easy.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Then post some examples. Show me where I'm guilty of whining about work and employment situations.
Think about what you are asking me to do. Why would I post old posts, in full, from another sub into this thread? Are you trying to get this thread shut down? You know you've done it. I've seen it. All anyone who was interested in seeing your true character would have to do is a simple advanced search of "DennyCrane" posts in the W&E forum to see your incessant complaining and venting about work-related topics.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Yes, we shall since is the third time I've asked you to provide examples.
I like how you've now jumped to a third request in the same post without my having a chance to respond. See above, as I explained why I am not going to do that.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Nice try, but it is relevant to you. Do your job interviews only take up 5 minutes of your time? Nope. They take up a significant portion of your time. So I'll ask you again, do you get upset with companies you interviewed with when they reject you?
I'm disappointed at times, yes. But for the most part, it hasn't cost me that much to go either. This is for me personally, everyone else's miles may vary.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
No, it indicates to me you have a very selfish attitude about dating. If they weren't that interested to begin with, they wouldn't have agreed to meet you in the first place. But all you can think about is YOUR time, YOUR money, YOUR effort. Never mind that they gave up some of THEIR free time to meet with you.
Yeah, you should think about that the next time you decide to post in the W&E forum about inconsiderate recruiters and employers wasting your time. Need a reminder of your incessant whining about when things didn't work out ideally for you? Here are a few links:
Because, as you might tell me, you're not entitled to a job, a positive interview experience, or a woman. So move on and grow up!
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
OMG. You really are a child. Because these women decided after the first date that they were no longer interested in you, you're now concluding that they have lofty expectations. Grow up. These women don't owe you anything.
More condescending insults. Thanks! Is this how you respond to anyone who disagrees with you?
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
No, it's difficult to take you seriously when I'm now asking you for the fourth time to provide examples of my supposed whining about inconsiderate employers. Why are you unable to provide examples? Could it be because you have none?
Now we have a fourth request in the same post before I've even had a chance to respond. You realize this is not live chat, right? See links above. Let me know if you want me to dig up some more gold for you.
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Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Yes, you are asking too much. You're asking these women to know something ahead of time that they can't possibly know. How are they supposed to know just from reading your profile and chatting with you online that the two of you will hit it off at the first meeting?
They should have a good idea before meeting me what kind of person I am and what I look like. Our dates went fine. There were absolutely no indications that it was going poorly or that they were not interested in me during the actual date. If something went wrong, they should have said something. I don't know what else they expected out of me. Instead, like everything else from this ADD generation, they move on without putting forth any real effort. Maybe they deserve a ribbon for showing up. What do you think?
You can post a follow-up if you wish, but I think this has been discussed ad nauseam. I'm going to move on to more productive things for the time being.
I think you put too much pressure on these dates. I also think that you should concentrate on one or two, and as they don't work out, you move to another. But to have to work 5? You need to be more accepting of what you find are personality differences. First dates for some are the most awkward dates they will have. It may take time to get these women to warm up to you. That's why asking about how the date went, IMO, they are probably thinking, was this guy present at all? I've always just stated that I had a great time, and that I am grateful they opened up so I could learn more about them. You don't go on dates to start a relationship. You go on dates to see if a particular woman is right to have a relationship with. Most relationships come out of nowhere, they can surprise you. And just because you initially went out with some female who wasn't exactly your best match, doesn't mean that she can turn into the best girl you've ever met.
I'm definitely going to slow down the pace. I'm going to keep it to one or two dates a week max. I'm also going to become super picky with the people I reach out to. Because being open to meeting anyone who even slightly matches up with my criteria has clearly not been working.
I don't ask them how the date went. I asked them if they had a good time. I didn't realize this was such a taboo thing to do. There were otherwise no indications that the date went bad, with the exception of the last date, when the girl was just very peculiar (almost smug and uber-competitive).
The best date I've had so far was with a Type-A (I'm a Type-B) who's also a bi-sexual. These are both traits I would have never imagined would have been drawn to me. She and I still talk a couple weeks after the date. She's out of state currently, but is anticipating moving here once she gets a job.
The worst dates I've had in the past couple weeks were people who had high match ratings with me, but were nothing like me (i.e. they were shy, socially awkward, overweight, not active, etc.). That indicates to me that the OKC matching system is inherently flawed and hardly provides you with a leg up on dating someone who you meet randomly at a bar.
People are rejected based on their flaws or based on not fitting some expectation of the perfect candidate. Therefore, I think it's a reasonable assumption that they rejected me because I didn't meet some expectation or criteria of what a perfect mate is for them. And knowing me, I'm not a loser in the least. So I don't really know what else these women could have expected me to be.
Just because someone rejected you doesn't mean they found something wrong with you. This is what I mean about you taking rejection too personally. Maybe they found nothing wrong, but just didn't feel any attraction.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
You're the one that's getting all worked up over my dating life.
Wrong, it's you who's getting worked up over it. Just the fact that you had to badmouth these women and complain about how they're wasting YOUR time and money is proof of that.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
Think about what you are asking me to do. Why would I post old posts, in full, from another sub into this thread? Are you trying to get this thread shut down? You know you've done it. I've seen it. All anyone who was interested in seeing your true character would have to do is a simple advanced search of "DennyCrane" posts in the W&E forum to see your incessant complaining and venting about work-related topics.
In other words, you're too lazy to back up your claims.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
Yeah, you should think about that the next time you decide to post in the W&E forum about inconsiderate recruiters and employers wasting your time. Need a reminder of your incessant whining about when things didn't work out ideally for you? Here are a few links:
Because, as you might tell me, you're not entitled to a job, a positive interview experience, or a woman. So move on and grow up!
Gee, you know how to copy and paste. Too bad you didn't read through those threads to actually show where I'm actually guilty of badmouthing employers who rejected me. Seriously, if you're going to accuse me of something, try to actually find proof of it before you make a fool of yourself.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
More condescending insults. Thanks! Is this how you respond to anyone who disagrees with you?
No, this is how I respond to adults who act like overgrown children.
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
They should have a good idea before meeting me what kind of person I am and what I look like. Our dates went fine. There were absolutely no indications that it was going poorly or that they were not interested in me during the actual date. If something went wrong, they should have said something.
That's not what I asked. I asked you how are they supposed to know just from reading your profile and chatting with you online that the two of you will hit it off at the first meeting? And you say your dates went fine. But how do you know they felt the same way? And if something went wrong, why should they have to explain it to you?
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Originally Posted by 4DM1N
You can post a follow-up if you wish, but I think this has been discussed ad nauseam. I'm going to move on to more productive things for the time being.
Yes, and I'm sure you'll still read this. But you're still not addressing the root problem of your dating woes. It's the person in the mirror.
Yes, and I'm sure you'll still read this. But you're still not addressing the root problem of your dating woes. It's the person in the mirror.
My dating life is fine. I'm chatting with two girls now who I've met in person on a few occasions (not all through OKC). And another date is scheduled on Wednesday!
I can still critique the process. I don't agree with everything you're saying. That's my right as an American. You don't write the rules and you're not the grand purveyor of dating justice. So stop taking yourself so seriously.
My dating life is fine. I'm chatting with two girls now who I've met in person on a few occasions (not all through OKC). And another date is scheduled on Wednesday!
I can still critique the process. I don't agree with everything you're saying. That's my right as an American. You don't write the rules and you're not the grand purveyor of dating justice. So stop taking yourself so seriously.
Take care now!
Yes, and if things don't work out, I'm sure you'll be back here complaining about how they wasted your time and money.
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You really are a child. Because these women decided after the first date that they were no longer interested in you, you're now concluding that they have lofty expectations. Grow up. These women don't owe you anything.
Too bad you didn't read through those threads to actually show where I'm actually guilty of badmouthing employers who rejected me. Seriously, if you're going to accuse me of something, try to actually find proof of it before you make a fool of yourself.
Nothing personal towards you...
I'm chatting with two girls now who I've met in person on a few occasions (not all through OKC). And another date is scheduled on Wednesday!
