Is it just me, or is there a tendency among many on this forum to advise others to 'walk away'[from a relationship]? (date, wife)
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It's sorta like a common joke shared amongst marriage family therapists: by the time one or both partners agree to set up an appointment, the relationship is actually over.
Of course not in all cases, but you get the point.
And, I don't think that we always encourage people to separate. There are a few posts on here in which I recall some posters encouraging couples to stick together and work on it.
If misery truly loves company, and people's intentions are also to see other people suffer along with them, then they'd advise to stay and stick with sh!tty relationships that go nowhere.
Since most people have good intentions, the advises are usually for the benefit of the poster who is suffering and the main goal is to alleviate their pain.
You need to give more examples, because I can't think of instances where the majority of posters have advised others to leave unless it's become an impossible situation.
This is my impression, too. There are plenty of threads where the OP was advised to seek marriage counseling, or pre-marriage counseling. But in situations where the partner refuses to participate in counseling, and seems unwilling to try to save the marriage, the partner leaves the OP with no choice but to split.
The worst are some of the posters on here who say to divorce for things like "my husband hasnt been giving me attention lately"
Many of the times, if the problem is bad enough to start a thread then it really is a situation to leave. I do agree though, people seem to go overboard sometimes... especially when they advise divorce for small things.
I am going to need to see some examples, because I just don't believe this part. ^^^
I really DON'T want to use this as an example yet it's the only one left in the history on my iPad which somewhat supports my assertion in OP.. //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...asturbate.html
Check the third reply( one of many)....(Her main complaint is lack of sex, as well as his aversion to tongue kissing...Is that really a deal breaker? There is no overcoming such an issue?) I quote ' You need to get a new boyfriend. You need to leave this guy immediately. '
I also want to acknowledge that here on this forum there are innumerable examples of genuine helpfulness and a desire to see others relationships succeed.
Last edited by MaxwellThomas; 07-28-2014 at 10:57 PM..
Reason: Typo
I've been reading quite a bit of recent and older threads here the past few days. Particularly threads where the OP has come to seek guidance on their relationship, whether they are married, just dating and regardless of how long they've been together..
I noticed a pattern with nearly every thread, no matter how trivial the issue, nor how little detail given(God knows, relationships are complicated and there's more than one side to a story. Summing one up in a few paragraphs is difficult, to say the least.)...
That trend, is countless posters(usually women, not trying to be sexist but I noted this fact from my limited observation...) advising the op in the following ways: 'Just walk away, don't look back' 'Just leave, it's obviously done' 'your relationship is broken, there's no way to repair it' etc. etc. . . . You get the point.
I've just been taken aback by how easy some are to suggest giving up on a relationship. I must stress that many of the issues where breaking up has been advocated, were truly trivial and often times one-time events in the context of a 5+ year relationship... I mean, people are human, they make mistakes.. They get into fights, they have faults.
No wonder the divorce rate is so high these days...Sorry to post this, I'm sure most will find it to be a useless thread, yet I found it pretty disconcerting... As when I first noticed the trend I sat here and pondered, have these particular individuals' advice unnecessarily broken up a very much salvageable relationship in some cases? The very thought scared me. I do have to say(sorry to some women) that overall, men here have come across as more level-headed and reasonable in their approach to advising someone with relationship troubles. Please don't take this the wrong way, with what little time I've spend browsing this forum I could name a dozen or so female posters whose input is just amazing, reasonable, well thought out and informative.
Trivial to whom?
What exactly do you consider trivial?
What 5+ year relationship(s) have been advised to walk away that had not been presented as physically, mentally or emotionally abusive and as the thread goes on more information comes out and makes things look worse than the original post.
So start naming who is amazing and who isn't, that way other's will know who to pay attention to and who to ignore, in your opinion of course.
There are some of us who have actually experienced a lot of what other's post here or been involved in very similiar situations with others close to them in their families.
Some things that are trivial to some at first glance end up being the worst type of abuse out there and it does not get better in the long term.
Everyone can only work with what is presented and how it is presented so at the very best it is a huge guessing game and we hope that the original poster is actually a real person, is telling the truth, does sincerely want help and that one or more of us can actually offer help and guidance.
YES, I have noticed this & just commented on the very thing in another thread.
You'll often see, "My girlfriend said XYZ after something bad happened to her. Is this reasonable?", and people will say, "She's entitled! She's crazy! Get out now!". If a woman posts about the infidelity of her partner, the advice is to secretly get a lawyer, drain the bank accounts, & plan to leave before he knows you know & then hit him over the head with it.
There is far less advice to work through problems, seek to understand before judging, learn to be more tolerant & forgiving, and recognize some negative behaviors in a partner as symptoms of a greater problem in the relationship that you DO have a part in (and therefore also have power in fixing).
However, I disagree that more women advise to break up - I had the opposite impression. It seemed to me more men advised breaking up & women advised solving it, so the last paragraph strikes me as having bias (no, the men don't seem remotely more level-headed over all; some individuals seem to be, but I don't see a gender connection).
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