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I've been friends with a former coworker for 3 years. I consider (or considered) him to be a sweet and caring person and friend. We mostly just had a texting friendship. But I considered him to be a pretty good friend. I went thru a bad health scare and he was very nice about it and would text me on occasion "Hey! How are you doing? Are you ok?" etc. I thought it was very sweet especially since I thought most men wouldn't care if they were not your boyfriend or a very close friend. So, anyway, that drew me close to him. I respected him as a person.
I started having issues with my boyfriend recently and told this friend some of it. At first he talked back to me and it was comforting talking to a male about those problems. He had also talked to me about his dating woes. But I did talk/complain more. He started getting distant. So I asked if I should not talk about my boyfriend any longer to him and his answer basically was "Yeah, you kinda dump your problems in my lap. It gets old." I told him all he had to do was be honest and tell me he didn't want to hear it any longer. I thought it was pretty rude and insensitive. Seemed out of character from someone who seemed sensitive before.
So, then I sent a screenshot post from Facebook about a previous coworker of ours to him. I thought perhaps he might would tell the person who was being talked about. He tells me "that bothers me. That is none of mine or your business." I was like- whoa. Ok. I told him "Sorry, didn't think it was a big deal..." I told him I felt as if I was being judged and I thought we were better friends than that. I also told him he should just be honest and tell me whatever was bothering him instead of the short texts (like a one sentence reply) This happened a couple of days ago and I haven't heard from him since. I was hoping for some sort of "Yeah, I should've been upfront with you".
I hate to think our friendship is over. I really liked him and I don't really have any other close male friends. But, if it's over, it's over. Also, we've never talked sexually or about dating each other- just fyi.
A couple of things stand out to me. I wouldn't consider someone that you never spend time with to be a pretty good friend. Checking on you during/after your health scare makes him compassionate towards others, it doesn't make him your bestie.
Secondly, big mistake taking your relationship issues to another man. That's crossing lines that are unfair to your BF, and awkward for your texting friend. And sharing other people's texts by screenshot, well I'm afraid he likely views you as a gossip, someone with no respect for privacy or boundaries. He doesn't owe you explanations, nor to word things in a way you would like to hear. You're calling him rude and insensitive, yet I'll bet he's feeling the same way about you.
I don't think this has anything to do with a man and woman having the ability to be friends, but rather that you two are not on the same page friendship-wise, and he's drawing boundaries now by backing off.
[quote=Liberty2011;35890017]A couple of things stand out to me. I wouldn't consider someone that you never spend time with to be a pretty good friend. Checking on you during/after your health scare makes him compassionate towards others, it doesn't make him your bestie.
Secondly, big mistake taking your relationship issues to another man. That's crossing lines that are unfair to your BF, and awkward for your texting friend. And sharing other people's texts by screenshot, well I'm afraid he likely views you as a gossip, someone with no respect for privacy or boundaries. He doesn't owe you explanations, nor to word things in a way you would like to hear. You're calling him rude and insensitive, yet I'll bet he's feeling the same way about you.
I should've said that it was NOT A TEXT between myself and the other coworker, it was a post on Facebook. A public post anyone can see. I actually sent it to him because he is still friends with this person who was talked about- I thought perhaps he would want to share it with that person!!
Also, the way I looked at it, if he was texting me too much about a problem he had, etc., I am adult enough and care enough about our friendship to speak up and let him know. That way he can correct it. I guess that is why my feelings were hurt- it's like, give me a chance to correct whatever is bothering you. Don't just not say anything. I like someone who is freaking upfront and honest! I can't read minds!
I've been friends with a former coworker for 3 years. I consider (or considered) him to be a sweet and caring person and friend. We mostly just had a texting friendship. But I considered him to be a pretty good friend. I went thru a bad health scare and he was very nice about it and would text me on occasion "Hey! How are you doing? Are you ok?" etc. I thought it was very sweet especially since I thought most men wouldn't care if they were not your boyfriend or a very close friend. So, anyway, that drew me close to him. I respected him as a person.
I started having issues with my boyfriend recently and told this friend some of it. At first he talked back to me and it was comforting talking to a male about those problems. He had also talked to me about his dating woes. But I did talk/complain more. He started getting distant. So I asked if I should not talk about my boyfriend any longer to him and his answer basically was "Yeah, you kinda dump your problems in my lap. It gets old." I told him all he had to do was be honest and tell me he didn't want to hear it any longer. I thought it was pretty rude and insensitive. Seemed out of character from someone who seemed sensitive before.
So, then I sent a screenshot post from Facebook about a previous coworker of ours to him. I thought perhaps he might would tell the person who was being talked about. He tells me "that bothers me. That is none of mine or your business." I was like- whoa. Ok. I told him "Sorry, didn't think it was a big deal..." I told him I felt as if I was being judged and I thought we were better friends than that. I also told him he should just be honest and tell me whatever was bothering him instead of the short texts (like a one sentence reply) This happened a couple of days ago and I haven't heard from him since. I was hoping for some sort of "Yeah, I should've been upfront with you".
I hate to think our friendship is over. I really liked him and I don't really have any other close male friends. But, if it's over, it's over. Also, we've never talked sexually or about dating each other- just fyi.
You sound pretty immature. I'm going to estimate you're like 23 years old.
Sounds like he did tell you how he felt but you just didn't like his answers.
Yes, he did. AFTER being short with texts and me asking him straight forward. Guess that's better than still not saying anything, but still.... Like I said, I valued him enough to where he wouldn't have HAD TO ASK, I would've let him know. God, are people always so hard to get info out of? Am I just too straightforward?
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