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Hi, all. Any advice you can offer me on this situation is appreciated! I'm really confused by this situation I'm in and I just want to do something that will make things casual and normal again. I especially want the older man to feel comfortable.
So I met this man where I work and we got into a nice convo. He's older; I'm 21 and he's probably in his late 20's or early 30's. I just asked him a mundane question one day and he started a conversation. I really enjoyed talking to him because he gave me professional/career advice but also asked me a lot of things about myself that were relatively personal. It felt like he was trying to get to know me and I really liked that. Lot's of eye contact and attentiveness from both of us.
Anyhow, we don't work in the same environment (but in the same building) so I decided I wanted to get to know him better. He seemed like an awesome, cool guy to just talk to but I also found myself attracted to him quite quickly. The next time I ran into him we had a convo again and at the end I asked him to lunch like this: "I'd like to know more about the work you do. Want to grab lunch sometime?" His answer was immediate, day and time. I wasn't used to having a lunch planned out so quickly so that excited me. I made it as professional as I could so that he wouldn't feel uncomfortable (or think it was a date since I prefer things to be as casual and cool as possible) and I even gave him my business card. He did the same.
So I was very excited about it but the day of was kind of odd. I bumped into him in the morning in our communal kitchen and he was quite brief with me. Not in a rude way but he was just quiet and kind of shy almost. He waved goodbye as he left the kitchen with no mention of our eventual lunch. Is this weird, or am I just overanalyzing?
Lunch rolls around. He comes out of his office and I can tell he's a bit flustered. He sees me with my phone in hand and immediately asks me if this isn't a great time for me anymore/if I'm busy. I say of course not, I'm good! He then mentions a sandwich shop we could go to and asks me if it's okay; I respond Yes totally! He then runs towards a printer in a nearby hallway and comments on how his papers didn't print (he's speaking very quickly and his motions are all pretty quick as if he's rushing). This confuses me but I play it cool until we get to our restaurant.
So I'm not going to bore you with all the details of our lunch but I'll point one thing out: We did not talk about his job very much. He also paid, but I don't really put much importance into this haha. He starts the convo by asking me what I like to do for fun and from there we go back and forth exchanging casual convo (our hobbies, musical interests, high school/college experiences, political interests, my Brazilian and Spanish background, career aspirations, my internship, etc.). We end up having the same favorite band and sport; he mocks both of these by saying, "You're too young to like this band" and "But you're quite small, how can YOU play football?" At one point he made a comment about how "us kids" are very blah blah, laughed nervously, and then he looked at me and said, "Oh, I'm sorry!". Meanwhile, I'm just playing it cool and I made it seem like his comment meant nothing. He also bumps into the table (quite hard) when we both sit; his reaction was kinda cute: "Damn table".
At the end, he said he had a lot of fun and I said the same. We both headed back to our building. As we were walking towards our respectful offices I said: "We should grab some dinner sometime". His response was, "Yeah sure we'll plan it out when we bump into each other again in the kitchen". He said goodbye and went back to work. What does his response imply? I feel that he's slightly uncomfortable with my age but he's attracted to me physically. I honestly just want some help with figuring out a way to make things casual and carefree between us again. Should I bring up dinner when I see him or let him? Should I just act normal? If anything, I feel terrible that I may have made him uncomfortable by asking him for dinner and I'd like to let him know that I just look up to him as a mentor and if he's uncomfortable with my age then I won't try anything romantic with him. Help, please!
I would guess that it took him a while to realize that you asked him on a date and he got really nervous. it sounds to me like he is really interested in you and maybe just not that accustomed to dating. Honestly I don't see a problem with your age difference. It is not unusual for women to prefer older men. I always have. My late husband was 6 years older than me and we had a great relationship. Relax and just go with it. Try not to spend so much time analyzing things.
I would guess that it took him a while to realize that you asked him on a date and he got really nervous. it sounds to me like he is really interested in you and maybe just not that accustomed to dating. Honestly I don't see a problem with your age difference. It is not unusual for women to prefer older men. I always have. My late husband was 6 years older than me and we had a great relationship. Relax and just go with it. Try not to spend so much time analyzing things.
Yes I agree haha I tried to make it sound un-date-like with the business card but I guess he saw it as a date. And I really appreciate your perspective on the age difference; I was nervous about it at first but it's really just a number. Thanks for your reply!
Back off a bit, and see what HE does next. If he really is interested, he will let you know.
^This. Sounds like he's interested but something (maybe other than age difference) seems to be making him flustered.
OP, just a side question--do you know if he's actually single? Maybe he was nervous thinking it was a "date" and now you asked about having dinner some time?
^This. Sounds like he's interested but something (maybe other than age difference) seems to be making him flustered.
OP, just a side question--do you know if he's actually single? Maybe he was nervous thinking it was a "date" and now you asked about having dinner some time?
Interesting point you bring up bellakin I have tried to ask questions that would give me the answer such as how was your weekend? or do you have your own place? He answers them all normally but no details. He doesn't wear any rings so he's not married but not sure if he's single :/ Is there I way I can find out?
Interesting point you bring up bellakin I have tried to ask questions that would give me the answer such as how was your weekend? or do you have your own place? He answers them all normally but no details. He doesn't wear any rings so he's not married but not sure if he's single :/ Is there I way I can find out?
No ring does not necessarily mean he's not married. My husband doesn't wear his due to his job. Some men just don't like to wear jewelry. Next time you ask how his weekend was and he gives you a generic comment, just ask more specific questions
I don't think there's anything wrong in asking if he's married or has a girlfriend. I was outside my building at work one day and one of the security guards came outside and stood next to me, like oddly close lol. He started chit-chatting with me and I knew where it was going as soon as he asked me if I had kids. The next question was, "Are you married?" I said yes and he said, "Ok." Then he went inside.
Hi, all. Any advice you can offer me on this situation is appreciated! I'm really confused by this situation I'm in and I just want to do something that will make things casual and normal again. I especially want the older man to feel comfortable.
So I met this man where I work and we got into a nice convo. He's older; I'm 21 and he's probably in his late 20's or early 30's. I just asked him a mundane question one day and he started a conversation. I really enjoyed talking to him because he gave me professional/career advice but also asked me a lot of things about myself that were relatively personal. It felt like he was trying to get to know me and I really liked that. Lot's of eye contact and attentiveness from both of us.
Anyhow, we don't work in the same environment (but in the same building) so I decided I wanted to get to know him better. He seemed like an awesome, cool guy to just talk to but I also found myself attracted to him quite quickly. The next time I ran into him we had a convo again and at the end I asked him to lunch like this: "I'd like to know more about the work you do. Want to grab lunch sometime?" His answer was immediate, day and time. I wasn't used to having a lunch planned out so quickly so that excited me. I made it as professional as I could so that he wouldn't feel uncomfortable (or think it was a date since I prefer things to be as casual and cool as possible) and I even gave him my business card. He did the same.
So I was very excited about it but the day of was kind of odd. I bumped into him in the morning in our communal kitchen and he was quite brief with me. Not in a rude way but he was just quiet and kind of shy almost. He waved goodbye as he left the kitchen with no mention of our eventual lunch. Is this weird, or am I just overanalyzing?
Lunch rolls around. He comes out of his office and I can tell he's a bit flustered. He sees me with my phone in hand and immediately asks me if this isn't a great time for me anymore/if I'm busy. I say of course not, I'm good! He then mentions a sandwich shop we could go to and asks me if it's okay; I respond Yes totally! He then runs towards a printer in a nearby hallway and comments on how his papers didn't print (he's speaking very quickly and his motions are all pretty quick as if he's rushing). This confuses me but I play it cool until we get to our restaurant.
So I'm not going to bore you with all the details of our lunch but I'll point one thing out: We did not talk about his job very much. He also paid, but I don't really put much importance into this haha. He starts the convo by asking me what I like to do for fun and from there we go back and forth exchanging casual convo (our hobbies, musical interests, high school/college experiences, political interests, my Brazilian and Spanish background, career aspirations, my internship, etc.). We end up having the same favorite band and sport; he mocks both of these by saying, "You're too young to like this band" and "But you're quite small, how can YOU play football?" At one point he made a comment about how "us kids" are very blah blah, laughed nervously, and then he looked at me and said, "Oh, I'm sorry!". Meanwhile, I'm just playing it cool and I made it seem like his comment meant nothing. He also bumps into the table (quite hard) when we both sit; his reaction was kinda cute: "Damn table".
At the end, he said he had a lot of fun and I said the same. We both headed back to our building. As we were walking towards our respectful offices I said: "We should grab some dinner sometime". His response was, "Yeah sure we'll plan it out when we bump into each other again in the kitchen". He said goodbye and went back to work. What does his response imply? I feel that he's slightly uncomfortable with my age but he's attracted to me physically. I honestly just want some help with figuring out a way to make things casual and carefree between us again. Should I bring up dinner when I see him or let him? Should I just act normal? If anything, I feel terrible that I may have made him uncomfortable by asking him for dinner and I'd like to let him know that I just look up to him as a mentor and if he's uncomfortable with my age then I won't try anything romantic with him. Help, please!
Thanks so much!
I think he is being kind of dumb to not appreciate what is standing in front of him. I would be thrilled if a woman who is younger than me showed that much interest in getting to know me. That would be awesome, as far as making bim uncomfortable I say my god by all means beautiful young woman please make me.uncomfortable that would make my day.
zen, he is interested in you, as you are right now so be yourself. dont over think this, dont get ahead of yourself, or him. but dont be afraid to move forward either.
as for finding out if he is married or not, just ask him. start by asking him if he has any children. if he does, chances he will also indicate an ex wife or an ex girlfriend. if he doesnt indicate an ex, ask if he is married straight out. and go from there.
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