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One great substitute for a marriage/relationship is finding a soulmate type of roommate, not always the easiest to find!
I've had an awesome soulmate type of roommate for 14 years now and I feel like I've been happily married without being married! We do so many things together, and both single, averse to marriage!
One great substitute for a marriage/relationship is finding a soulmate type of roommate, not always the easiest to find!
I've had an awesome soulmate type of roommate for 14 years now and I feel like I've been happily married without being married! We do so many things together, and both single, averse to marriage!
Ok. Is there sex involved? You call it roommate situation. Is it just casual dating?
I agree that having a roommate who is compatible is a great thing.
Not everyone wants marriage, no need to have a reason.
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One great substitute for a marriage/relationship is finding a soulmate type of roommate, not always the easiest to find!
I've had an awesome soulmate type of roommate for 14 years now and I feel like I've been happily married without being married! We do so many things together, and both single, averse to marriage!
What surfaced through this discussion is that people are not necessarily looking for marriage. They are looking for companionship.
I tend to think that guys who don't want to marry are enlightened, smart, and strong.
They are enlightened because they see through traditional gender roles and social institutions, let go of social norms, and live a more creative and enjoyable life that defies society's clinched assumptions.
They are smart because they know how to build and protect their finances, and design a life that maximizes joy, minimizes cost, and outsources upkeep.
They are strong because they do not cry lonely and needy. They are able to appreciate a life without a formal partner.
It is common for men to brag about their achievements of coupling, getting a wife and kids. That is society's narrative of acceptance. In reality, many men want or need a maid, a cook, or else their house is in chaos. Many men need a woman or else they are so lonely and depressed. Their show off of wife and kids is an expression of their weakness, that is, they can't feel complete and fulfilled without a wife and kids. They must define their life through their wife and kids, not through the quality and vibrancy of their inner self. For centuries, society regarded these men as "responsible," "mature," "masculine." You got it, the role models of all men. Pair up, knock up, have children. Winners gain respect, while losers go live in cheap apartments.
Are men really born to live that lifestyle? The male penis is one of polygamy. Its shape and function are reversely related to unchallenged social norms. Humans love independence, freedom, and achievement of new heights. Heterosexual men, up until the very recent, have largely internalized the social norms some of their ancestors designed for them and everyone. Granted that these norms were perhaps necessary at the time. Nonetheless, it is misconception to regard such things as strength and success, as opposed to single men who are "missing out" or are short of charm (as if charming guys must seek coupling). It assumes and admits, self explanatorily, that without wife and kids, men are just weak, depressed, hopeless. It says nothing about the happily single men. It says that social norms advocates may exactly be weak, depressed, and hopeless if they were in those shoes.
Two thumbs up to all happily single men!
How is any of this this exclusive to men? (Apart from the bizarre penis thing.) I don't follow.
How is any of this this exclusive to men? (Apart from the bizarre penis thing.) I don't follow.
How did you conclude that I meant this is exclusive to men? I never said that this is exclusive to men. The comparison here is in fact between singleton men and married men.
I tend to think that guys who don't want to marry are enlightened, smart, and strong.
They are enlightened because they see through traditional gender roles and social institutions, let go of social norms, and live a more creative and enjoyable life that defies society's clinched assumptions.
They are smart because they know how to build and protect their finances, and design a life that maximizes joy, minimizes cost, and outsources upkeep.
They are strong because they do not cry lonely and needy. They are able to appreciate a life without a formal partner.
It is common for men to brag about their achievements of coupling, getting a wife and kids. That is society's narrative of acceptance. In reality, many men want or need a maid, a cook, or else their house is in chaos. Many men need a woman or else they are so lonely and depressed. Their show off of wife and kids is an expression of their weakness, that is, they can't feel complete and fulfilled without a wife and kids. They must define their life through their wife and kids, not through the quality and vibrancy of their inner self. For centuries, society regarded these men as "responsible," "mature," "masculine." You got it, the role models of all men. Pair up, knock up, have children. Winners gain respect, while losers go live in cheap apartments.
Are men really born to live that lifestyle? The male penis is one of polygamy. Its shape and function are reversely related to unchallenged social norms. Humans love independence, freedom, and achievement of new heights. Heterosexual men, up until the very recent, have largely internalized the social norms some of their ancestors designed for them and everyone. Granted that these norms were perhaps necessary at the time. Nonetheless, it is misconception to regard such things as strength and success, as opposed to single men who are "missing out" or are short of charm (as if charming guys must seek coupling). It assumes and admits, self explanatorily, that without wife and kids, men are just weak, depressed, hopeless. It says nothing about the happily single men. It says that social norms advocates may exactly be weak, depressed, and hopeless if they were in those shoes.
Two thumbs up to all happily single men!
Throughout history and various civilizations around the world, there have always been men who were enlightened and were those who weren't married who were revered as noble philosophers, shamans, or prophets.
They do exist these days.
I think the topic of men feeling the need to live by social norms verses men who lead the lives defined by their own values and rules isn't always necessarily social influenced, although social influences do have profound effects, I think it's also largely based on the personality of the independent types of men.
Some people are born followers, some people are born leaders, some people are born thinkers. The vast majority of the population is shaped to follow and not lead, while the minority have the courage to lead and not follow, or at least not follow whether or not they lead
Usually people lead by their actions, and there have been enlightened ones who do not follow the norm: Ghandi, Thich Nhat Hanh, Leonardi Da Vinci.. pardon my ignorance, I think there is a longer list than that but yes, they exist.
I personally have an uncle like what you describe who would make a fabulous father. He's a braniac, and loves animals way too much. Great with kids. Amazing chef! Hilarious comedian. Upstanding citizen, compassionate doctor who's humble and even though he's well to do and very accomplished he walks around, shops at Costco, drives a beat up car, has a huge weird aquarium in his background full of random fishes, birds, and animals (his mini rainforest)..
The guy is cool!! Guys like him are rockstar role-models in my book!
They are smart because they know how to build and protect their finances, and design a life that maximizes joy, minimizes cost, and outsources upkeep.
They are strong because they do not cry lonely and needy.
They must define their life through their wife and kids, not through the quality and vibrancy of their inner self.
False dichotomies and unfounded assumptions abound!
Choosing to have a partner doesn't make one lonely or needy. Not doing so doesn't automatically make you some iconoclast either. There is a lot of celebration of the bachelor, and there always has been. Men are regularly encouraged to stay single a long time, sew wild oats, focus on careers, etc. They can do so indefinitely so long as they make a success of it. The real tradition & gender role you should be questioning is not marriage or fatherhood, but that of money, power, and "success" defining men. If a man meets theta quota, then family is not necessary for him in the eyes of society. A woman on that other hand....
Quote:
Humans love independence, freedom, and achievement of new heights.
Another false dichotomy; this is not wholly incongruent with marriage or parenthood.
Quote:
Heterosexual men, up until the very recent, have largely internalized the social norms some of their ancestors designed for them and everyone. Granted that these norms were perhaps necessary at the time.
Why would these ancestors "design" such norms? They were heterosexual meant too... And what was "necessary" about these norms? What makes them no longer necessary?
Quote:
Nonetheless, it is misconception to regard such things as strength and success, as opposed to single men who are "missing out" or are short of charm (as if charming guys must seek coupling). It assumes and admits, self explanatorily, that without wife and kids, men are just weak, depressed, hopeless. It says nothing about the happily single men. It says that social norms advocates may exactly be weak, depressed, and hopeless if they were in those shoes.
See my above comment about society judging men more in terms of wealth, power & status than being family men... The husband and father role is frequently mocked and belittled in popular culture. The married man is painted as trapped, dominated by a nag of a wife & disrespectful children. It is not shown to be a sign of strength or success. You're really reflecting a very common social attitude that has been emerging for years & is the new norm, not pushing against the norm.
Hmmm...so what the OP is saying, is that my penis appreciates polygamy and is designed to break down social norms. Also, that my penis is basically something in the way of a beacon for freedom and enlightenment based on design
How did you conclude that I meant this is exclusive to men? I never said that this is exclusive to men. The comparison here is in fact between singleton men and married men.
Then why not use the term "human" or "people" instead of "man"?
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