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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
I don't get why she persists in posting such negative and nasty-toned statements, when she clearly has a lot to be happy about.
They're unhappy people at their core. There are tons of people with good jobs, lovely, dedicated SOs, are physically healthy, etc etc and they're still negative and miserable. Sometimes it is depression. Other times it is just overwhelmingly glass half empty (which may not be clinical depression).
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
Coming at this from a different angle, I figure the obvious way to avoid becoming jaded about the opposite sex is to simply have opposite-sex friends. I have a number of very close platonic male friends - how could I grow bitter about men when some of my strongest supporters are my guy friends? They're not a foreign/enemy species - they're 50 percent of humanity.
100% agree. The people I know, of both genders, that are bitter about dating (though I know few guys that are, more women) are those that don't have opposite sex friendships. I've talked to some friends of friends when out about this (females) and they come right out and say they don't need or want guy friends, they have girls for friends, what they want is a boyfriend that will become a husband. They also say they don't want their boyfriend to have female friends. So incredibly messed up!
Every long term, serious relationship I had turned into her leaving me and lying to me. When I love a woman, I trust her above all others. I was misplacing my love and trust.
So when my lady now crossed a line I asked her not to, it was a BIG fing deal with me. We talked, she fixed it, we moved on. Now I trust her and love her, and she isn't going to do wrong by me again.
Thats what relationships are, trust, forgiveness, and compromise. Its hard to do those things when jaded like you are. There is a time for every season. Do you want to go the rest of your life mistrusting and jaded? I didn't
Times when I have felt that way, I figured it was time to take a year or two off from dating and focus on other aspects of life until I stopped thinking everyone was like the person who hurt me.
What I don't get are the people who are bitter and have no interest in getting over it. Why try to date if you hate your target gender?
Good post!!
I find too many people sit back and allow their emotions to control them instead of the other way around. Becoming jaded is a choice you make. There are alternatives.
You know, I don't get this. I'm friends with a woman on facebook who is always posting stuff about men who cheat and lie and whatever. We are not close friends, so I don't call her out, but ... She seems to have a wonderful boyfriend who adores her (and whom she clearly loves) and a son to whom she is very close. I don't get why she persists in posting such negative and nasty-toned statements, when she clearly has a lot to be happy about.
Coming at this from a different angle, I figure the obvious way to avoid becoming jaded about the opposite sex is to simply have opposite-sex friends. I have a number of very close platonic male friends - how could I grow bitter about men when some of my strongest supporters are my guy friends? They're not a foreign/enemy species - they're 50 percent of humanity.
People have a tendency to fail within their own relationship, because they are too focused on what other couples are doing, instead of being focused on their own relationship. Honey, Amy's boyfriend Tom just bought a new motorcycle, how about we buy a motorcycle too? She may not even want the motorcycle, but wants to keep the persona with her couple friends? We are always influenced by the people and events that occur around us; however, you have be mindful of what your relationship can handle.
They're unhappy people at their core. There are tons of people with good jobs, lovely, dedicated SOs, are physically healthy, etc etc and they're still negative and miserable. Sometimes it is depression. Other times it is just overwhelmingly glass half empty (which may not be clinical depression).
Ugh, tell me about it. Some people are just not happy no matter what. I really don't know what makes people that way, but I suspect you are on to something with depression or maybe another mental issue of come sort.
Quote:
100% agree. The people I know, of both genders, that are bitter about dating (though I know few guys that are, more women) are those that don't have opposite sex friendships. I've talked to some friends of friends when out about this (females) and they come right out and say they don't need or want guy friends, they have girls for friends, what they want is a boyfriend that will become a husband. They also say they don't want their boyfriend to have female friends. So incredibly messed up!
I think this helps too. I have about 2/3 male and 1/3 female friends. I never can understand people who won't have friends of opposite sex. It's like the view the opposite sex as a completely different species or something.
They're unhappy people at their core. There are tons of people with good jobs, lovely, dedicated SOs, are physically healthy, etc etc and they're still negative and miserable. Sometimes it is depression. Other times it is just overwhelmingly glass half empty (which may not be clinical depression).
100% agree. The people I know, of both genders, that are bitter about dating (though I know few guys that are, more women) are those that don't have opposite sex friendships. I've talked to some friends of friends when out about this (females) and they come right out and say they don't need or want guy friends, they have girls for friends, what they want is a boyfriend that will become a husband. They also say they don't want their boyfriend to have female friends. So incredibly messed up!
I wouldn't say that it's incredibly messed up, but more of attempting to protect your investment, whether that's the right decision to make is always left up to time. I'm a person who would love to have female friends, but I'm a glass half empty guy in the sense of that friendship is going to end most likely if she gets a boyfriend. Not because I wanted it to end, but because there wasn't enough time to develop anything before the friendship ended. It's never the case of not wanting to be friends with the opposite sex, but that in a sense the friendship is never all that genuine post college.
Yes, I have female friends now, but we don't talk with near the same frequency as my male friends. I had some genuine female friends in the past, but as they got married and had kids, and I stayed unmarried and no kids, the dynamic of our friendship changed too greatly. Most of my female friendships are either group get togethers or "Hey how are you?" text here and there. Lives get busier and people tend to stick with a routine.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
It's never the case of not wanting to be friends with the opposite sex, but that in a sense the friendship is never all that genuine post college.
Wow, my experience/perspective is completely different. My friendships are far deeper now than in college. Mostly in college it was going to shows and having drinks, playing pick up basketball, heading to Montreal for a weekend, etc. There was no depth.
Now as an adult, my friendships are far richer, and that is despite of on occasion there being gaps in communication or hanging out due to distance, professional obligations and other relationships. I'm still friends with women that are married, with kids, etc. I went to many of their weddings. Sure, families take precedence and we don't hang much, but we're still friends and when we do connect the interactions are awesome.
the kind that at times seems bitter, disillusioned with "finding the one" or someone that makes them feel special, .
To me, this type of mentality gets men and women nowhere.
first of all, you don't need to be "special" or feel "special" to be loved. All you have to be is being yourself. One of a kind, and unique.
Secondly, nobody can make you "FEEL" anything if you are just using somebody to fill the void in your heart or in your soul.
I am a happy person who is happy about my life. I don't need a man to make me feel special. But I do WANT a man to share life with me.
Nah, there are good men out there. My dad, my two brothers and all of my guy friends are pretty darn good men. All my exes are good men too. Even though things didn't work out, I still thank them for the experiences. I feel very lucky to be loved by good men. and I will never give up on sex, love, and men.
To me, this type of mentality gets men and women nowhere.
first of all, you don't need to be "special" or feel "special" to be loved. All you have to be is being yourself. One of a kind, and unique.
Secondly, nobody can make you "FEEL" anything if you are just using somebody to fill the void in your heart or in your soul.
I am a happy person who is happy about my life. I don't need a man to make me feel special. But I do WANT a man to share life with me.
Nah, there are good men out there. My dad, my two brothers and all of my guy friends are pretty darn good men. All my exes are good men too. Even though things didn't work out, I still thank them for the experiences. I feel very lucky to be loved by good men. and I will never give up on sex, love, and men.
Most people are mostly good. We all have a bad side, a bad streak, and sometimes it gets the better of us. Its why you can't focus your attention and pain on what "they" did to you/me.
So your attitude I believe is a very good one. I hated some of my ex's for a long time, I let it destroy me as a person for many years. I didn't trust anyone, I didn't care for anyone, and the fact I was breaking hearts just didn't register with me.
After taking a long retrospective look at my life and myself, I decided to make changes to myself. Do I still hurt and feel pain, mistrust, whatever from past relationships? Yes. Pain can make you stronger and smarter for the next round. The key is to get back up and try again.
Everyone makes mistakes, it doesn't make you a bad person, it means you are human. Just like the rest of us.
Wow, my experience/perspective is completely different. My friendships are far deeper now than in college. Mostly in college it was going to shows and having drinks, playing pick up basketball, heading to Montreal for a weekend, etc. There was no depth.
Now as an adult, my friendships are far richer, and that is despite of on occasion there being gaps in communication or hanging out due to distance, professional obligations and other relationships. I'm still friends with women that are married, with kids, etc. I went to many of their weddings. Sure, families take precedence and we don't hang much, but we're still friends and when we do connect the interactions are awesome.
The only expectation I have is region differences. I live in an area where marriage is first and foremost for most women. Single parent-hood is very prevalent past 25. Most of my genuine friends are the girlfriends and wives of my guy friends. They have more of an interest to make a friendship work, since they are invested in their boyfriend or husband too.
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