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Sorry for the length upfront. Just trying to figure out what to do.
I’ll be 25 in a month and a half and feel like I have no idea what I want to do and where I want to be. I’ve lived in Illinois since I was 3, went to college at a small school on the IL/IA border, and am back in the Chicago suburbs, living with a buddy about 8 miles from where I grew up. I have no interest in moving into the city. Fun to visit? Yeah. Living there? No way. Too expensive, too busy, too crowded. I like my open spaces.
My first job out of school, I hated. I learned a ton in Marketing, but the environment was toxic: every project was last-minute, nothing was “good enough,” employee morale sucked, and my boss didn’t know how to either mentor or manage.
During that first year out of school, I made a bunch of close friends. Never had a friend group before, so it was really cool to finally “fit in” somewhere and have a group of people accept me for the goofball I am, and that actually took the time to know me. Early this year, I began to “date” one of the girls in this group.
During this time that I was seeing this girl, I went out to Colorado for a business trip for a week and fell in love. I loved the mountains, the open spaces, how friendly people were, and how active everyone was (I'm a runner and biker and LOVE hiking). On a whim, I applied to two random jobs, and actually got an offer for one of them. I (stupidly) turned the job down for her. She was my first “girlfriend” in three years, so I was afraid to lose that. I put quotations around the “dating” and “girlfriend” because looking back, it was a pretty one-sided relationship. And we didn’t really get physical during the couple months we dated either.
Anyways, so I turn down the job and a month later, the girl breaks up with me for her ex who randomly started to talk to her again. During this time, I’ve become pretty good friends with the girl’s brother, who ends up actually turning out to be my best friend. He knew I cared about her and she screwed me over. So we begin hanging out a bunch. He runs his own business as a mobile DJ and began to teach me the ropes. But I was still lost. Hated my job, had yet another failure with a girl I liked, my favorite pastime, running, wasn’t going well, and I kind of dreaded getting out of bed every morning.
In early July, I left my job. Took off to Colorado for 2 weeks to explore and hang out with friends who live in Boulder and CO Springs. Fell in love again. Kept thinking to myself “Why can’t I make my vacations where I live?” Had a few phone interviews with places in CO, but nothing past 2nd round interviews. So I went back to applying to both jobs in CO and in IL. Landed a job in IL a week after getting back from CO.
I went in hoping a new workplace would provide new challenges and new people as the company has about 1,000 employees. After almost a month of being there, it’s not. Turns out we’re in a satellite office about 5 miles from the HQ and rarely go to the HQ for meetings. The office has probably 200 employees, but I’ve only seen maybe 2-3 others that are in their 20’s, the rest are older. The job itself – I’m bored. My job is completely technical – I had though coming in that there’d be a mix of marketing and technical, but it turns out that all of the creative marketing content is just provided to us by other people. We don’t assemble it. We just post it online / email it out. On top of that, there just isn’t a lot for me to do. I keep asking for projects to get involved with, but either I’m given small stuff, or there isn’t any work.
On top of this, everyone in my friend group is now coupled up except me. We do less things together now as a group (maybe dinner as a group once every other week), and I can’t randomly pop by their houses because their SO is usually over or they are out on dates. So I spend a significant time with my best friend (my ex’s brother) and have been working a few DJ gigs for him on and off when he’s double booked on the weekends. Him and I have an awesome friendship –the first I’ve ever had that is completely mutual, where we both put the other person ahead of ourselves, and we have fun hanging out, trying different breweries, etc.
The thing is, I know I probably need to look for a different job. I can’t spend 40 hours/week unhappy and bored. And since my friend and I only hang out once a week, I spend most of the other time at home watching TV, reading, or practicing my DJ skills. My other friends who I hang out with are in their early 30’s and all either married or in long-term relationships, so again, I’m the only single one.
So I’m having a quarter life crisis. I don’t know what to do. Part of me says “Every time I go to Colorado, I fall in love. You’re young and single. Go for it” The other part says, “Your family and best friend are here. You don’t make friends easily, especially ones you completely trust. You’ll eventually figure out work and maybe meet a girl.”
I'd move, but I'd leave the country entirely I just plan on making the most of this country while I'm here and in the unlikely case where I start to fit in maybe I'll stay. But I doubt that will happen.
Whenever I have a decision like this, I make a list. If I were you it would make two: the pros of staying vs pros of moving to Colorado and then another, similar list, with cons of staying vs. moving. Just writing it all out and seeing it can help give clarity and focus. Whatever you do, best of luck
I understand wanting to live near family. But you said you hung out with friends in Boulder and Colorado Springs - so you do know people there. If you want to move there, this is the time to do it. You shouldn't stay put in case you meet a girl, just like you shouldn't have turned down a job for a girl you barely knew. Your happiness isn't tied in to someone else. Go do what makes you happy. My brother has been living in Denver for something like 10 years now and he loves it! Ft. Collins is #1 on Money Crashers' 10 Best American Vacation Towns to Live In Year-Round.
Look, I'm not going to read your whole post. I'm at work, and kind of swamped. But I will say this:
My mid-20s are a time when I should have taken more chances and branched out more. I built up a good network of friends, but really, I should have pushed myself a little more. I suffered from some depression, anxiety and ADD related problems, so I was somewhat held back by those things. It was just hard to get my feet under me and go. And my family and friends were also a big part of that anchor.
I made the move from Jersey to Denver at the age of 34. I wish I'd done it a decade sooner. I am SO happy here. I am a big believer that "Wherever you go, there you are." BUT location CAN affect that a bit. Depression and other events/issues obscured that for me. By the time I got a handle on those things and had actively chosen to be happy, I realized that to TRULY get the maximum enjoyment from my life, I would need to leave my hometown - for a variety of reasons.
Family and friends will always be there for you. Facebook will help you maintain those relationships. One of my friends here has not been home in THREE YEARS. He still has the same friends and says it's like no time passes. I have to agree, though I get back to Jersey more often.
You already have a social circle out here, so you won't have many problems building on that.
Just do it. YOu'll be glad you did, even if you decide to move back home after. No regrets, ya know?
Look, I'm not going to read your whole post. I'm at work, and kind of swamped. But I will say this:
My mid-20s are a time when I should have taken more chances and branched out more. I built up a good network of friends, but really, I should have pushed myself a little more. I suffered from some depression, anxiety and ADD related problems, so I was somewhat held back by those things. It was just hard to get my feet under me and go. And my family and friends were also a big part of that anchor.
I made the move from Jersey to Denver at the age of 34. I wish I'd done it a decade sooner. I am SO happy here. I am a big believer that "Wherever you go, there you are." BUT location CAN affect that a bit. Depression and other events/issues obscured that for me. By the time I got a handle on those things and had actively chosen to be happy, I realized that to TRULY get the maximum enjoyment from my life, I would need to leave my hometown - for a variety of reasons.
Family and friends will always be there for you. Facebook will help you maintain those relationships. One of my friends here has not been home in THREE YEARS. He still has the same friends and says it's like no time passes. I have to agree, though I get back to Jersey more often.
You already have a social circle out here, so you won't have many problems building on that.
Just do it. YOu'll be glad you did, even if you decide to move back home after. No regrets, ya know?
True.
Finding a job has been harder than I had thought. Most companies don't even seem to look at out of staters.
I was actually born in Broomfield, but my parents moved when I was a baby
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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I was somewhat like you OP, but without the job, after undergrad. Moved back home, just putzing around, seeing bands, working jobs I hated, etc. I decided to make a drastic change and just picked up, no job a waiting, and moved from Boston to Madison, WI at 23 years old. Best decision I ever made. I needed a shake up at that time in my life, and it was empowering to know I could move somewhere with no job and not knowing a soul and make a life. Do it.
Sorry for the length upfront. Just trying to figure out what to do.
I’ll be 25 in a month and a half and feel like I have no idea what I want to do and where I want to be. I’ve lived in Illinois since I was 3, went to college at a small school on the IL/IA border, and am back in the Chicago suburbs, living with a buddy about 8 miles from where I grew up. I have no interest in moving into the city. Fun to visit? Yeah. Living there? No way. Too expensive, too busy, too crowded. I like my open spaces.
My first job out of school, I hated. I learned a ton in Marketing, but the environment was toxic: every project was last-minute, nothing was “good enough,” employee morale sucked, and my boss didn’t know how to either mentor or manage.
During that first year out of school, I made a bunch of close friends. Never had a friend group before, so it was really cool to finally “fit in” somewhere and have a group of people accept me for the goofball I am, and that actually took the time to know me. Early this year, I began to “date” one of the girls in this group.
During this time that I was seeing this girl, I went out to Colorado for a business trip for a week and fell in love. I loved the mountains, the open spaces, how friendly people were, and how active everyone was (I'm a runner and biker and LOVE hiking). On a whim, I applied to two random jobs, and actually got an offer for one of them. I (stupidly) turned the job down for her. She was my first “girlfriend” in three years, so I was afraid to lose that. I put quotations around the “dating” and “girlfriend” because looking back, it was a pretty one-sided relationship. And we didn’t really get physical during the couple months we dated either.
Anyways, so I turn down the job and a month later, the girl breaks up with me for her ex who randomly started to talk to her again. During this time, I’ve become pretty good friends with the girl’s brother, who ends up actually turning out to be my best friend. He knew I cared about her and she screwed me over. So we begin hanging out a bunch. He runs his own business as a mobile DJ and began to teach me the ropes. But I was still lost. Hated my job, had yet another failure with a girl I liked, my favorite pastime, running, wasn’t going well, and I kind of dreaded getting out of bed every morning.
In early July, I left my job. Took off to Colorado for 2 weeks to explore and hang out with friends who live in Boulder and CO Springs. Fell in love again. Kept thinking to myself “Why can’t I make my vacations where I live?” Had a few phone interviews with places in CO, but nothing past 2nd round interviews. So I went back to applying to both jobs in CO and in IL. Landed a job in IL a week after getting back from CO.
I went in hoping a new workplace would provide new challenges and new people as the company has about 1,000 employees. After almost a month of being there, it’s not. Turns out we’re in a satellite office about 5 miles from the HQ and rarely go to the HQ for meetings. The office has probably 200 employees, but I’ve only seen maybe 2-3 others that are in their 20’s, the rest are older. The job itself – I’m bored. My job is completely technical – I had though coming in that there’d be a mix of marketing and technical, but it turns out that all of the creative marketing content is just provided to us by other people. We don’t assemble it. We just post it online / email it out. On top of that, there just isn’t a lot for me to do. I keep asking for projects to get involved with, but either I’m given small stuff, or there isn’t any work.
On top of this, everyone in my friend group is now coupled up except me. We do less things together now as a group (maybe dinner as a group once every other week), and I can’t randomly pop by their houses because their SO is usually over or they are out on dates. So I spend a significant time with my best friend (my ex’s brother) and have been working a few DJ gigs for him on and off when he’s double booked on the weekends. Him and I have an awesome friendship –the first I’ve ever had that is completely mutual, where we both put the other person ahead of ourselves, and we have fun hanging out, trying different breweries, etc.
The thing is, I know I probably need to look for a different job. I can’t spend 40 hours/week unhappy and bored. And since my friend and I only hang out once a week, I spend most of the other time at home watching TV, reading, or practicing my DJ skills. My other friends who I hang out with are in their early 30’s and all either married or in long-term relationships, so again, I’m the only single one.
So I’m having a quarter life crisis. I don’t know what to do. Part of me says “Every time I go to Colorado, I fall in love. You’re young and single. Go for it” The other part says, “Your family and best friend are here. You don’t make friends easily, especially ones you completely trust. You’ll eventually figure out work and maybe meet a girl.”
Here's the good news...you are young and unencumbered - you can do anything you want to do! Do you know how many men feel like you do but CAN'T risk doing what they want because they have wife, a child and maybe a mortgage?
What you are feeling IS NORMAL, you are not in crisis - you are just in transition!
Identify some short term and long term goals for yourself, then set about making them happen so that this time next year you'll be in Colorado where your heart is.
Look, no one is ever going to hand you happiness on a plate, you have to be willing to "serve yourself"
I'd move, but I'd leave the country entirely I just plan on making the most of this country while I'm here and in the unlikely case where I start to fit in maybe I'll stay. But I doubt that will happen.
Gee, with that outlook, it's no wonder you don't fit in. Open your mind and embrace life.
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I just plan on making the most of this country while I'm here and in the unlikely case where I start to fit in maybe I'll stay. But I doubt that will happen.
