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Tom, I feel your pain. I've never been married, but I'm only a little over two years younger than you and I agree the dating scene for people our age is a real crapshoot. I recently joined OK Cupid and have been chatting with several women, but haven't actually met any in person yet. I tried several other sites and didn't have any luck. I agree about the bar thing, not really a good place to meet people. I think you know what you should do now after all these responses, though you probably did before that. Best of luck to you.
What attracted me was the fact that not only was she very attractive, but she was smart, could hold a conversation longer than five minutes, very independent and financially stable
I think it's sad that it's so difficult to find people with just these basic qualities. So someone finally finds one and thinks he'd better hang onto her, because she's the only fish in the sea who fits the bill. It seems like there's something wrong with this picture; of course there are other women out there with these basic traits, but finding them seems like an impossible task. And women looking for decent, intelligent men have the same struggle.
Yes I am still here. Thanks for the advice. Pretty much what I already knew, I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else that I was wasting my time. No, the flirty, drinking, bad obnoxious behavior did not attract me at all. Never saw it until months into the relationship because I am not a bar person and when we went out she was low-key at first. I am sure she is bi-polar on top of everything else, due to mood swings and other signs.
What attracted me was the fact that not only was she very attractive, but she was smart, could hold a conversation longer than five minutes, very independent and financially stable and *I thought* had a great personality. After being married for over 20 years and thrust back into the dating scene, I found these rare commodities.
If you aren't currently in the dating scene, it is TOUGH to find someone with the qualities you are looking for these days when you are a 50 year old. Unless you meet someone through work or a friend, you have to rely on on-line dating or the bar scene. Call me old fashioned but bars are not a good place to find a long term mate, and after many dates from online sites, I have found most women there to be professional online daters, or women with issues. In my experience I bought a lot of meals and found no compatibility, but there are a lot of women on there looking for hit it and quit it sex. Just not my thing.
I guess this is why I was hanging on to this one, cause I thought she was a keeper. Yes, long time single habits are hard to break. She has made great strides to be a better girlfriend and has cut bak big time on the drinking, flirting etc, but there are still those occasional times it gets ugly. I was kind of hoping it would all work it's way oput fo her system, but as some have mentioned, she may be to set in her ways or not want to change.
Thanks for the good advice and to those with the wise cracks, I hope you never find yourself in this situation.
I feel your pain too. I'm mid 40's and would hate to find myself out there in the dating world.
I really think it does get much tougher when you're middle aged and above. People can get bitter, or set in their ways and a whole host of other baggage.
We all got baggage.... it's just a matter of finding a set that works with ours.....
Her social life and flirting with other men is more important to her than you are. How do you think this will look when she's 55? 65? Is this the kind of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?
If you didnt kick her to the curb when she told you to leave the bar, I dont believe you ever will. That is as disrespectful as I can imagine.
It doesn't sound like you have much fun with her since you constantly have to worry about her behavior. How much more precious time are you willing to waste?
I feel your pain too. I'm mid 40's and would hate to find myself out there in the dating world.
I really think it does get much tougher when you're middle aged and above. People can get bitter, or set in their ways and a whole host of other baggage.
We all got baggage.... it's just a matter of finding a set that works with ours.....
People in their 20's have a lot of baggage from their families that they don't even know is there. The lucky ones will figure it out eventually, and start a process of doing something about it. Don't idealize the 20's. It can be just as hard to find happy, well-adjusted people in that age group as in any other.
People in their 20's have a lot of baggage from their families that they don't even know is there. The lucky ones will figure it out eventually, and start a process of doing something about it. Don't idealize the 20's. It can be just as hard to find happy, well-adjusted people in that age group as in any other.
All things being totally equal... people in their forties and above have had their collective balls kicked in much much more than someone say 24.......
BTW... I'm not idealizing the 20's... I'm much much better off than then....
All things being totally equal... people in their forties and above have had their collective balls kicked in much much more than someone say 24.......
BTW... I'm not idealizing the 20's... I'm much much better off than then....
Individual circumstances vary so much. Some people get to the 40's without scars. If they've had few relationships, there's none of that sort of baggage. By contrast, some people deal with horrific stuff when they're growing up. Really, humans are all over the map in that regard. I've seen way more trauma stemming from childhood than I've seen relationship baggage. But unresolved childhood trauma tends to cause relationship chaos and baggage, too.... Baggage tends to collect on people who already have baggage.
Yikes. Any woman who needs the attention of every male has deeper issues. She sounds like she doesn't want to change though so you're kind of at a fork.
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