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You definitely made the right decision. There is no guarantee that if you had stayed it would have worked with her, and you would have beat yourself up for not taking the job. There are tons of women out there, and who knows you may meet someone you really like at the location you are moving to.
She's 11 hours away? by car? That's what ... a 1.5hr flight away?
I think you did the right thing by taking he job ... now just sort out what kind of relationship you want with her.
If she's worth the wait, then wait.
Btw, I'm in a 11-hr (by plane) LDR and we're at the beginning of a 3-yr plan and it's working so far.
Thanks for the encouragement! However no direct flights between the 2 places and when you factor that in plus trip to the airport, layover, etc.. would be closer to 8 hours probably even by plane. Still you make a good point...could be a lot farther!
Take the job and leave. She wouldn't respect you otherwise anyway. Never hinge any decision like this on some romantic involvement, unless you're already married to them. Man's gotta take care of business 1st and play with the girls 2nd. Go ask Tiger Woods or countless other men how it works out when you get that twisted.
Last edited by UrbanAdventurer; 09-05-2014 at 04:48 PM..
You definitely made the right decision. There is no guarantee that if you had stayed it would have worked with her, and you would have beat yourself up for not taking the job. There are tons of women out there, and who knows you may meet someone you really like at the location you are moving to.
Yes, and a much more populated area I'm moving to with more to do in terms of things to do, get involved with, women to meet. I'm just at that point now where I can't imagine being happy with anyone else besides her but I have to have faith I'll get past that as logically I know I will.
Yes, I can relate. People have to make these choices. My ex and I made a decision like this 2 years ago, and have been going back and forth in an off and on long distance relationship ever since. Feel free to read about my situation, which I posted last month here:
I find that soliciting opinion here does not help that much, because people fall down about 50% either way, with somewhat of a lean toward "career is the better choice."
Living in a place is like being in a relationship in a way. There's a lot that needs to "fit" for things to work out. If you were unhappy with your location I don't think a relationship or even a marriage would have solved that for you. That said, 3 years is not forever, especially if you're still relatively young. There is a BIG difference between 2 and 3 years. Which is it? If I were you, I'd push her on the 2 or the 3 and tell her she needs to make it 2.
You also need to decide soon if you are going to try an LDR or not. They can work - but it requires a lot of commitment and MUST have an end-game. The end-state where you are together in the same location needs to be a hard deadline.
If you decide not to pursue a relationship with her - you need to cut communication completely. That's where I made my mistake.
Hi, I'm wondering if anyone on here can relate to the incredibly painful decision I recently made. I work in a field I love but with very limited job options so to get the job I really wanted had to take an entry level position in a very isolated small town location that wasn't my first choice. I have been in this location a few years and for the first couple years found it difficult to make friends as a single, 30s something when most of my peers here are married with kids. Dating proved even far more difficult! Add to that, getting out and to a better location (which I expected to do within a year or two) was nearly impossible for reasons I won't get into but were beyond my control.
So then what happened? Well, last year things turned around...I made more friends and then late in the year I met the woman who would turn my whole experience here upside down. I met “Jenny” through a mutual friend and right away knew she was an extraordinary person. We became friends, then good friends, then by this summer I realized I was falling for her. However at the same time job opportunities to get out of here finally came around! What to do? Jenny ended up liking me too and a dating relationship began but it was early and no way to know for sure if it would last. I pursed the jobs too and let her know. And of course, I got the job...my ticket out of here to a better location, a promotion, but to a location 11 hours away. I also decided, painful as it was, I had to take this rare opportunity for reasons I'll explain below and so I accepted the job. As for Jenny, she has commitments here for at least the next 2-3 years, not sure if she could ever move there, and doubtful about our future.
So my heart is telling me I may have thrown away a once in a lifetime chance to be with someone truly extraordinary. Yet, logically, if I had stayed here it may not have ended up working anyway (the relationship being new) and then I'd be without her, still here, and would have passed up a great opportunity to move on that may not come around again for a long time. This was my thinking anyway when I applied and I believed “disengaging” would be a lot easier as I've become that much more drawn to her since. So wow.....sorry so long but this is weighing very heavy on me. Anyone ever gone through anything like this? How did you cope? Either way I had to give up something which is why this is so hard....
Why not just stay friends while you're away? Visit her when the chance presents itself. Take her out on trips or whatever. If after 2 years, you still can't live without each other then, look into moving in together or at least in the same city.
I chose a college based on a girl I "loved" biggest mistake of my life. Of course, other ppl have opposite stories. No one can truly know the situation but you
I chose a college based on a girl I "loved" biggest mistake of my life. Of course, other ppl have opposite stories. No one can truly know the situation but you
Yeah, as I've said, the things that swung in favor of career for me was: 1) new relationship so inherently more uncertain despite the fact that I've fallen very hard for her 2) I didn't like my current location much before meeting her and would HATE it here if I stayed here and it ended with her. Biggest problem here, ironically, is small population, isolation, lack of dating prospects. 3) The opportunity to get out may not come along again for quite a while; plus, I've been in this entry level position some time and it's expected I go for these promotional opportunities that come along (not that that alone would be reason enough if it weren't for the other factors) And yes, I'll admit, I'm writing this in part to convince myself I made the right choice
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