Going on multiple dates with different people... how does one navigate this? (dating, how to)
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I'm just curious if people here have had experience dating/talking to more than a few people at once. With the way online dating is, combined with 'real world' dating, it seems easier than ever to do this, but also highly confusing.
I've been going on dates with multiple guys who have asked me out this summer, some online and some I met while in person, and in general their interest level in me has been really high. These have been great guys. It's encouraging, except it's also confusing, and the 'etiquette' on this is extra confusing.
I'm learning to be more upfront to first dates about what I'm 'looking for' (as I've just recently figured out myself what 'that' is), but even still, when I have 3-4 guys asking me to hang out for a second/third date, etc... it becomes a bit of an emotional mess - they all seem to want my attention.
Went on a first date tonight that went really well, and I'm sure there will be second with him... and I have two other 'first dates' lined up for the next couple weeks with different guys as well... I also have the guy I wrote about in another thread, who I've been dating off and on for a couple months but keep getting, as I've written about, mixed signals from.
I almost feel like I'm putting guys 'on deck', until I'm in a committed relationship, which sounds incredibly ridiculous, but is there any other way?
Has anyone here successful navigated dating multiple people at once? To be clear, I am not sleeping with multiple people at once, but I am going on second/third dates, to try to get a better idea of who these guys are and our compatibility. Maybe I'll have a better idea with each of them by the fourth/fifth if it gets that far, but I also don't want anyone to feel 'played', just as I don't want to be 'played'.
I am 31, live in a big city, and am open to a serious committed relationship with the right guy, which I know will take time to decipher. This 'in-between' time of actively dating though... confusing!
I'd love to start a conversation on this, as it is an incredibly common scenario nowadays.
I'm just curious if people here have had experience dating/talking to more than a few people at once. With the way online dating is, combined with 'real world' dating, it seems easier than ever to do this, but also highly confusing.
I've been going on dates with multiple guys who have asked me out this summer, some online and some I met while in person, and in general their interest level in me has been really high. These have been great guys. It's encouraging, except it's also confusing, and the 'etiquette' on this is extra confusing.
I'm learning to be more upfront to first dates about what I'm 'looking for' (as I've just recently figured out myself what 'that' is), but even still, when I have 3-4 guys asking me to hang out for a second/third date, etc... it becomes a bit of an emotional mess - they all seem to want my attention.
Went on a first date tonight that went really well, and I'm sure there will be second with him... and I have two other 'first dates' lined up for the next couple weeks with different guys as well... I also have the guy I wrote about in another thread, who I've been dating off and on for a couple months but keep getting, as I've written about, mixed signals from.
I almost feel like I'm putting guys 'on deck', until I'm in a committed relationship, which sounds incredibly ridiculous, but is there any other way?
Has anyone here successful navigated dating multiple people at once? To be clear, I am not sleeping with multiple people at once, but I am going on second/third dates, to try to get a better idea of who these guys are and our compatibility. Maybe I'll have a better idea with each of them by the fourth/fifth if it gets that far, but I also don't want anyone to feel 'played', just as I don't want to be 'played'.
I am 31, live in a big city, and am open to a serious committed relationship with the right guy, which I know will take time to decipher. This 'in-between' time of actively dating though... confusing!
I'd love to start a conversation on this, as it is an incredibly common scenario nowadays.
I can tell pretty quickly whether or not I see myself with someone based on how well we click. Doesn't take 3 or 4 dates for me to decide.
You either click or you don't.
No doubt some people grow on you, but... if you feel compelled to date multiple guys at once, my hunch is you haven't found the one.
I personally can't imagine wasting my time on someone I'm not that interested in. I'll even leave in the middle of a date if I'm not feeling it. I either like the guy, even as a person or I don't. No need to feel guilty about juggling, because the elimination process is quick & easy.
When I was single I dated multiple men at a time for a period of over 10 years. It was a fun time although I personally found my limit was having 3 men in my rotation. "A pair and a spare" I jokingly called it. More than 3 was crazy making.
No. 1 would be my favorite
No 2 would be the runner up
No 3 would be the newcomer
I released men back into the universe as soon as I realized that we were not a good match, because the longer you date them, the harder it is to end things. That would be my number one piece of advice to you. Learn how to end things as swiftly, painlessly, and gracefully as possible. The sooner you learn this skill, the better experience dating will be for you and the men in your life. Breaking someone's heart is not fun for anyone. Try to avoid it, if possible. The best way to do that is not continue dating men once you realize they are not a good match for you.
Most men I dated did not get second dates for a zillion different reasons. Fewer still lasted for more than 4-6 dates. Over a ten year period of continuous dating, I only dated 3 men longer than 6 months. I used to joke that I didn't know crap about relationships but I knew a lot about breaking up. So if you ever need break-up advice, I am your go-to person. Hee, hee.
Dating is a wonderful way to learn about yourself, what qualities that you admire in other people, what you are willing to compromise on and what you are not, etc. I would encourage you to date a variety of men and don't be too quick to give your heart away.
My bachelorette lifestyle ended abruptly when I met my husband. You might say that he was a stand out and moved to number one position after the first date and there were no more number 2s or number 3s in my life. He is the greatest most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me.
Last edited by Butterflyfish; 09-26-2014 at 03:08 AM..
For me it is hard to do many things at the same time. And I don't want to have a situation " like 4 of them which one I should choose" so for always better on by one little by little.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Its easy. Different days, different dates. Or a Sat afternoon date with one and a Sat night date with another. It is no different than hanging out with multiple friends in a week. It's really exactly the same.
And don't date in fear. If you worry about being "played" or "used" you're not going to have fun and you're not showing them your fun self. Just go have fun!
When I was single I dated multiple men at a time for a period of over 10 years. It was a fun time although I personally found my limit was having 3 men in my rotation. "A pair and a spare" I jokingly called it. More than 3 was crazy making.
No. 1 would be my favorite
No 2 would be the runner up
No 3 would be the newcomer
I released men back into the universe as soon as I realized that we were not a good match, because the longer you date them, the harder it is to end things. That would be my number one piece of advice to you. Learn how to end things as swiftly, painlessly, and gracefully as possible. The sooner you learn this skill, the better experience dating will be for you and the men in your life. Breaking someone's heart is not fun for anyone. Try to avoid it, if possible. The best way to do that is not continue dating men once you realize they are not a good match for you.
Most men I dated did not get second dates for a zillion different reasons. Fewer still lasted for more than 4-6 dates. Over a ten year period of continuous dating, I only dated 3 men longer than 6 months. I used to joke that I didn't know crap about relationships but I knew a lot about breaking up. So if you ever need break-up advice, I am your go-to person. Hee, hee.
Dating is a wonderful way to learn about yourself, what qualities that you admire in other people, what you are willing to compromise on and what you are not, etc. I would encourage you to date a variety of men and don't be too quick to give your heart away.
My bachelorette lifestyle ended abruptly when I met my husband. You might say that he was a stand out and moved to number one position after the first date and there were no more number 2s or number 3s in my life. He is the greatest most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me.
This mirrors my experience, although I only did this for a few years. When I met my husband i dropped everyone else immediately. True love and all that.
I just tried to date as many men as possible. My requirement was that i had to be attracted and the guy had to be nice. Oh, and smart. I dated a few guys that made me want to bang my head because they weren't smart enough to follow conversations.
Just enjoy yourself and look until you find that special one.
Op, I'm glad you are having great success in attracting a lot of options. I think you are handling it rather well, I wouldn't worry about navigating the gentlemen because they may be dating other women as well. Until exclusivity is established, keep doing what you're doing. All the best!
I warm up to people slowly and while I might be able to "release" a guy as a definite "no" after one date I certainly wouldn't be ready to go exclusive with them! I see no problem with dating multiple guys for at least a few dates each before cutting one or more loose. I doubt many guys get exclusinve after a single date - you're free to do whatever you want if you're single and no one you're dating thinks you're exclusive with them.
Personally, I find that if you get exclusive too soon I tend to build that relationship up beyond where it might be - by putting all my eggs in one basket I get rose-colored glasses. If dating a couple guys I'm more objective.
Dated different people while travelling and living in Asia. No playing with anyone's feelings or being played. Just plain simple going out and having a good time.
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