Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
How do you find a guy that had a kid but now does not? The example I have in my head is my ex husband who had a kid, but decided he had no interest in parenting. I don't want his kind either.
Well, since you've only dated men in their 20's, they rarely exist. Problem is that most of these guys in their 20's look at you as a temporary thing and rarely see a future. I'm sure you have found this to be somewhat true.
I am a young 35, so older does not work for me. I have been dating men in their 20's for the last 10 years.
Well maybe to yourself you're a young 35, and I know how that feels because I consider myself to be a young 35 as well. A 28 year old man will date a 35 year old woman but its highly unlikely he'll be in a place to settle down with and provide for you. Not to be mean or pessimistic but men in that age range you're dating are going to want to settle down (1) at a later age, and (2) with a younger woman.
I bet there are attractive 45-50 year old men out there who keep in shape who are mature and who would be happy to have someone 10-15 years younger than them...that's a major attraction factor for men...most want younger women. I bet you could find one that meets your criteria, and if he has kids, since he's older, chances are they're not 'kids' anymore...they're adults or very close to being so.
I am ready to give up trying to find someone to be in a relationship with. I have mostly been doing online dating.
The guys I want are not interested in me. The guys I don't want pursue me. Never in my life have I ever had an issue with finding a boyfriend. So whatever the issue is is a new one within the last 5 years.
I want:
-employed
-Caucasian
-self sufficient
-good finances
-zero drug use
-age 30-40 ( I am 35)
-thin to average weight
-taller than me
-likes kids
-preferably does not have kids
-close to my location
What wants me:
-black
-unemployed
-30 and still live with parents
-recent bankruptcy/ foreclosures
-daily drug use
-obese
-married and wife does not know
-married and looking for 3rd party. (Really eww)
-guys paying loads of child support, can't afford to date and bitter
I have a good job, financially independent, own a house, two cars, have almost no debt (small car loan on a brand new car), attractive, great body, lots of friends, enjoy many different activities etc.
I am not a kid person. I have two that I love dearly! but most peoples kids drive me nuts. I don't want to be in a situation where I am living with someone else's kids. Hence why I prefer a man to be kid free. My kids do not have fathers that are active in their lives, and I have zero experience with blended familes.
So where do I look? I have went on about 12 dates in 2+ months. The guys all like me afterwards. I lose interest in the guys with baggage. One guy liked me, but I did the math, his two kids + plus my two = way to many. Plus with his finances a wreck how would we ever buy a house to support such a large family. Nixed him. Another guy said his ex thought he was controlling, I could see that about him. Plus he has a kid with shared custody.
The guys without kids. I gravitate to, but they lose interest in me so it seems. We talk well, then all of a sudden they disappear. No I am not clingy or a pest. I won't ever send more than one "hi how was your day" text. If it goes unanswered, I assume they are like me and really not interested enough to bother responding.
How many men do you want?
Off the top of my head I can come up with at least 10 at the present time. You aren't even trying as far as I can tell. Oh yeah, forgot....not only NO kids.....NEVER married either.
Well maybe to yourself you're a young 35, and I know how that feels because I consider myself to be a young 35 as well. A 28 year old man will date a 35 year old woman but its highly unlikely he'll be in a place to settle down with and provide for you. Not to be mean or pessimistic but men in that age range you're dating are going to want to settle down (1) at a later age, and (2) with a younger woman.
I bet there are attractive 45-50 year old men out there who keep in shape who are mature and who would be happy to have someone 10-15 years younger than them...that's a major attraction factor for men...most want younger women. I bet you could find one that meets your criteria, and if he has kids, since he's older, chances are they're not 'kids' anymore...they're adults or very close to being so.
Out of the 12 men I dated. I did do 2 dates with 45 year olds. While it may be fine for others. Older does not work for me. Not attracted at all. I even discussed this with friends that know me well, that say not to go old.
Well, since you've only dated men in their 20's, they rarely exist. Problem is that most of these guys in their 20's look at you as a temporary thing and rarely see a future. I'm sure you have found this to be somewhat true.
This right here.
I'm telling you...try some older men. They have less time left...so less time to waste playing dating games...less energy to be juggling lots of women...are usually more mature...
Not really. I just realize they might not be safe in my presence. I don't like very many kids. My children do not invite friends over to our house. I only babysit for a few people. I can't be around my best friends kids because I can't stand their behavior. I am just not a kid person.
I would be fine with a guy that has kids that we never had to deal with, but the reality of that is even slimmer. Nor fair. so that is why I just say no kids.
I was not raised in a broken home, so I really want that normal family life "husband, me, kids".
Just being honest with you here. A man that wants kids is going to want his own kids, something that you said you probably could not provide even if you wanted to. A man that doesn't want kids is probably not going to be interested in you because you already have kids. The rare exception would be a man that can't have kids but wants kids.
A man that has grown kids that you rarely have to deal with is going to be in his late 40s or in his 50s or he is going to be paying child support something you object to. You are looking for someone that you have a very small chance of finding. If you do find a man that is willing to not have his own kids but live with yours and treat them as his own he is unlikely to be a high in demand male that you are looking for. High in demand males (educated, successful, single, attractive, no kids) have more options and as you have already experienced have decided to opt out on you.
Off the top of my head I can come up with at least 10 at the present time. You aren't even trying as far as I can tell. Oh yeah, forgot....not only NO kids.....NEVER married either.
Well, since you've only dated men in their 20's, they rarely exist. Problem is that most of these guys in their 20's look at you as a temporary thing and rarely see a future. I'm sure you have found this to be somewhat true.
I lived 7 years with one. He was 22 when we got together, 29 when he left. He has untreated depression, left me for another woman to find happiness. She threw him out 3 weeks ago and I give it another two weeks and he will be begging me to let him come back. However he is out now and I won't let him back in to hurt me and the kids again.
Out of the 12 men I dated. I did do 2 dates with 45 year olds. While it may be fine for others. Older does not work for me. Not attracted at all. I even discussed this with friends that know me well, that say not to go old.
Well....in that case...the question for you at this point in your life, at 35 years of age is...
What are you willing to compromise on?
This is not the same as settling, but rather a decision to make those things you value the very most in a mate a priority. And choosing to embrace those things that may not be all that ideal because they really don't matter 'as much' as everything else. If you really want to have a long term, healthy, lasting monogamous relationship with someone you may have to really think about this.
Or, alternatively, keep doing what you're doing and forget about the thought of 'giving up', as it would be your choice, after all, to keep looking until you find someone that meets every single criteria you desire.
I lived 7 years with one. He was 22 when we got together, 29 when he left. He has untreated depression, left me for another woman to find happiness. She threw him out 3 weeks ago and I give it another two weeks and he will be begging me to let him come back. However he is out now and I won't let him back in to hurt me and the kids again.
All kinds of red flags here in this little bit that you wrote. Are you confident in your ability to make the right choices in men for yourself at this point in your life?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
