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Hey everyone. I'm new at City- Data, but I'm certainly familiar with the forums. I'm a long time lurker and and an avid reader.
Just wanted to reach out to you guys for a little help. Here's some background. I am 21 years old, attend university, live alone, etc. and I am wondering how to get into a relationship. I've never really cared for one and honestly, the intensity and pressure of being in one has increased significantly during the last couple of months. I honestly feel like I am behind all of my peers, many of whom are younger and have had multiple girlfriends and seem sexually experienced. I've taken a long, hard look at myself and can definitely point out a few deficiencies here and there, but nothing debilitating to where I think would exempt me from the joy of having some companionship with a lovely lady.
A huge problem is attraction. I just do not feel that many women are attracted to me. Not really considered a good-looking guy, but I've heard mixed responses, and only god knows that there's bound to be some bias in some of those responses. I've also noticed that since my MS/HS years, I've typically been classified as the "quiet, nerdy" type and still am. I think I'm rambling.
I've managed to muster up the courage to ask multiple girls out, and have been on 1 or 2 dates, but those were dead ends. It's extremely difficult and ends up being demoralizing when you have friends who can make things happen with the women in their lives on a whim. A WHIM. I've done the PUA thing, but then discovered that the industry isn't as legitimate as one would think. I've read books--many of them--but it's all theory to me. I feel like an evolutionary failure. I'm not even picky. I look for baseline qualities in women and am not a judgmental person. Well, it could be certainly worse. I could still be a virgin.
What am I doing wrong? I need some actionable advice. Cheers.
There's really no action needed. If you don't want a relationship, do yourself and any given woman a favor and don't force it. Problem solved.
You're young. Do your thing. Some people are late bloomers. There are a lot on here. Just have fun with friends and enjoy yourself. If/when you meet someone with whom you feel a connection, you'll be glad that you didn't waste your time on a relationship due to peer pressure, because it won't have clouded your experience and you'll be ready to take the next step with that special someone.
I wish I had done what I am doing now back when I was in college... Doing many different kinds of group based classes, just paying for it to supplement ego / lack of experience, and otherwise just making a list of every kind of girl and venue I could experience with them and doing it.
Hey everyone. I'm new at City- Data, but I'm certainly familiar with the forums. I'm a long time lurker and and an avid reader.
Just wanted to reach out to you guys for a little help. Here's some background. I am 21 years old, attend university, live alone, etc. and I am wondering how to get into a relationship. I've never really cared for one and honestly, the intensity and pressure of being in one has increased significantly during the last couple of months. I honestly feel like I am behind all of my peers, many of whom are younger and have had multiple girlfriends and seem sexually experienced. I've taken a long, hard look at myself and can definitely point out a few deficiencies here and there, but nothing debilitating to where I think would exempt me from the joy of having some companionship with a lovely lady.
A huge problem is attraction. I just do not feel that many women are attracted to me. Not really considered a good-looking guy, but I've heard mixed responses, and only god knows that there's bound to be some bias in some of those responses. I've also noticed that since my MS/HS years, I've typically been classified as the "quiet, nerdy" type and still am. I think I'm rambling.
I've managed to muster up the courage to ask multiple girls out, and have been on 1 or 2 dates, but those were dead ends. It's extremely difficult and ends up being demoralizing when you have friends who can make things happen with the women in their lives on a whim. A WHIM. I've done the PUA thing, but then discovered that the industry isn't as legitimate as one would think. I've read books--many of them--but it's all theory to me. I feel like an evolutionary failure. I'm not even picky. I look for baseline qualities in women and am not a judgmental person. Well, it could be certainly worse. I could still be a virgin.
What am I doing wrong? I need some actionable advice. Cheers.
MP
I would like to point out the importance of the word "seem" in your post. ^^^
So anyway, if you approach women the way you approached your first post, I can see why you would have a problem. I know you're down, but you can't be this way ^^^ and attract someone. you sound very mealy-mouthed and ambivalent. You need to improve your outlook. Do interesting things. Learn stuff. Have fun. Be an interesting person who people want to be around.
Stop thinking of it in terms of "get a relationship" and think about what a relationship actually is: two people who have figured out that they like each other so much that they only want to be together.
You aren't going to go out and "get a relationship." Start small. Find a friend. Be around some different people. Get a date first.
I would like to point out the importance of the word "seem" in your post. ^^^
So anyway, if you approach women the way you approached your first post, I can see why you would have a problem. I know you're down, but you can't be this way ^^^ and attract someone. you sound very mealy-mouthed and ambivalent. You need to improve your outlook. Do interesting things. Learn stuff. Have fun. Be an interesting person who people want to be around.
Stop thinking of it in terms of "get a relationship" and think about what a relationship actually is: two people who have figured out that they like each other so much that they only want to be together.
You aren't going to go out and "get a relationship." Start small. Find a friend. Be around some different people. Get a date first.
It doesn't really sound like the OP wants a relationship. I got the impression that he is bowing more to peer pressure.
It doesn't really sound like the OP wants a relationship. I got the impression that he is bowing more to peer pressure.
No. It's not peer pressure. It's the realization that I'm doing something wrong, very wrong. I'm coming off as "mealy-mouthed" or lukewarm in my original post because I hate admitting this **** (excuse my French). My younger brother (~16) has had multiple women in his life already. I'm just as outgoing as he is. There is just something very wrong here.
No. It's not peer pressure. It's the realization that I'm doing something wrong, very wrong. I'm coming off as "mealy-mouthed" or lukewarm in my original post because I hate admitting this **** (excuse my French). My younger brother (~16) has had multiple women in his life already. I'm just as outgoing as he is. There is just something very wrong here.
So you would like to date and find a relationship?
Did you choose your username because of the physicist?
I did a research internship in Germany at the Max Planck Institute.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving
So you would like to date and find a relationship?
Pretty please. To make matters worse, I come from a fairly conservative family, so I don't really have much time until I cross the "gay" threshold.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascended
Read one more book. "The Manual: What women want and how to give it to them". by W. Anton. The title seems very PUA-esque, but the content is anything but. The book shows you how to assume a certain mindset, that will allow you to be as successful with women as you wish to be. I know of guys who internalized concepts included in this book and went from being nerdy virgins to dating multiple women at the same time.
It does not teach you about how to trick anyone or how to use anyone, instead it explains how shyness or being timid are not masculine traits, and how being raised today in a world that emasculates men from birth to grave, causes millions of men to become too feminine to be recognized by women. It shows you step how to get back to the mindset of being a man, someone who many women adore and cant get enough of. It will do so by deconstructing the nonsensical notions of modern upbringing. It will allow you to demolish the mindset you have been socialized into.
It will teach you to be masculine, honest, direct, focused, proud and courageous. All of your actions that follow, will be natural and will come from the new mindset, which btw will feel like the most natural thing in the world, simply because its a mindset you were supposed to have from the get go.
Try it and see what happens.
I'll check out the book dude. I have about 3-4 other books to read over the same subject, but I'll give it higher priority. Thanks for the recommendation.
I did a research internship in Germany at the Max Planck Institute.
That is very interesting. I only asked because I wondered if you have predominantly male-oriented interests. Look up from the stuff you normally do and extend yourself into some new areas that might be more populated with women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Max Planck
To make matters worse, I come from a fairly conservative family, so I don't really have much time until I cross the "gay" threshold.
Don't worry about this. Seriously. Put it out of your mind. It sounds like your little brother has your slack anyway.
Seriously, though, we cannot possibly know why SOME people SEEM so successful while you do not. My most sincere advice? If you want different results, try something different.
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