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There is a girl at work that asked me to join her for lunch 3 times. Now this is nothing strange because we have lunch with some of the people at work on a regular basis (just a bunch of co-workers).
To my surprise however she showed up all alone the first time (I also mentioned it: ah, no one else, when I noticed it was just me and her). The second time: same story, just her. Although, during this lunch 1 other co-worker joined us when he saw us sitting there having lunch (we left pretty early, also a sign she wanted to be with me alone).
The third time she asked me, I had to say no because I had something else to do. Later I found out she did not go herself while she tried to push me to go by stating they had something really good, something she liked a lot (and normally most people like a lot, except me!).So I found it pretty amazing to notice she did not go herself (ok granted: perhaps she just did not want to go alone, but I am pretty sure there were others that also went, so she could have joined them.
To me its clear: she has an interest in me (even if its just a little bit). Or am I wrong here and does this not mean anything?
Now, the problem was that the next week I was not there for an entire week. When I came back, she seemed to be a bit less interested in me (did not talk to me that much anymore…). Seemed weird. On the other hand: at one time she did just pass by my office to ask me how I was.. (to chit chat). It seems something you only do if you really like the person, no?
We also had a rather strange email conversation in which she , in a subtle way, asked me whether I am the type of person that goes for short flings or rather long term relationships (she did not ask it directly, but said it about another guy , to which I responded I am not really like that).
I however kept thinking: well we will see.. So I asked her to join me for a drink, however the day I asked her, she could not come. She had a valid excuse. I asked her for another day, to go eat, but also that day, she had something else planned.
So in the end: I asked her twice and both times she could not make it. She has a valid excuse, so its not that she said no, but if she would be interested, I assume she would make „a counter-offer” ? Or should I ask her again?
I also noticed that when I pass her in the hallway, sometimes she does not even look up at me/says nothing at me… to me this seems strange for a person that would be interested? I am guessing that in the end she has no interested at all?
On the other, we do have nice talks sometimes and I can spot her looking directly in me eyes sometimes.. the kind of look.. that just... is not "normal".
She also noted twice already now (very explicitly) that she is single.
I am a bit in a conundrum now: is there any interest from her side or am I completely wrong here and is there no interest at all?
I have to admit: I have perhaps been a bit passive? I did not go to her office to chit chat with her… but then again: I did ask her out twice and star a talk with her at work on a regular basis.
Dude, she's into you! Ask her to lunch. She's comfortable with that. It sounds like she either doesn't have time after work for drinks, or maybe she's not into that scene. So stay in her comfort zone.
Ask her out to dinner in advance.
You: "Would you like to go to dinner on Friday night?"
Her: "Yes."
You: "Great, I'll pick you up at 7:00 PM."
If she says no then just ignore her from now on.
Don't hem and haw...people can't read your mind and you can't read other peoples mind.
Dude, she's into you! Ask her to lunch. She's comfortable with that. It sounds like she either doesn't have time after work for drinks, or maybe she's not into that scene. So stay in her comfort zone.
Well.. I tried to ask her for lunch too (as she asked me to go have food), but well... she could not make it those days because she had to be somewhere else/was sick.
I also have the feeling that if at some point she says yes, it will be with the others from work too!
(the times she asked me there were less people at work and it was "easier" to sneak out for lunch without others noticing it, now more people and harder to go have lunch alone with the two of us)
It seems I striking a lot of bad luck her by asking her everytime when she is not avaible! lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by breakingbad
Ask her out to dinner in advance.
You: "Would you like to go to dinner on Friday night?"
Her: "Yes."
You: "Great, I'll pick you up at 7:00 PM."
If she says no then just ignore her from now on.
Don't hem and haw...people can't read your mind and you can't read other peoples mind.
I did!
It was in advance: both times! And every time she could not come due to other things (and yes: those other things are real! Not a made up excuse!)
I am just wondering about her sometimes "ignoring" me... (passing by and not speaking to me).
Or is this normal and I should not worry too much about it?
If she has said no that many times that tells me that she isn't interested in anything beyond work, sorry. If she was really interested I think she would have suggested another day. I find it hard to believe she has something planned every single day. If it were me I'd just come out and say I'd like to take you out some evening and get to know you better and let HER pick the day. If she continued to come up with excuses just forget about it and move on.
Why weren't you there for a week? Were you on vacation or sick?
Work related.
Had to go abroad.
The problem is also: when I came back, she was also a bit sick and in a bad mood due to some problems (making it all the more difficult)
Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966
If she has said no that many times that tells me that she isn't interested in anything beyond work, sorry. If she was really interested I think she would have suggested another day. I find it hard to believe she has something planned every single day. If it were me I'd just come out and say I'd like to take you out some evening and get to know you better and let HER pick the day. If she continued to come up with excuses just forget about it and move on.
Well, she did not say no, thats just it.
The excuses are really valid. There is no doubt about this.
(for the dinner/drinks: really valid, the lunch part: also pretty valid)
I see what you mean, but I do not want to come out stating that so directly.
That is what bothers me: she did not come up with an alternative! So this is some sort of a warning sign for me that she is not interested.
If you want to get to know her better, than pick out something that you know is in her comfort zone, and ask her out, and you will know soon enough if there's enough between you two to keep going. If she turns you down, then it's a sign that all she wants is some casual company at lunch.
Nothing wrong with either, but don't waste your time trying to second-guess her thoughts.
There's no need for excuses as to why you can't eat lunch with her, so don't trouble yourself with that nonsense. Decide for yourself what your objectives are and then proceed. If she's nothing more than a buddy at work, that's OK. If you would like to take it up a notch, then take your time and allow her to get to know you better. And for you to get to know her better, too.
Be very careful fishing off the company pier. I once dated a girl I worked with and I will never do that again. In my experience when romantic relationships end between two co-workers it gets real ugly.
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