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It is the most difficult and frustrating thing to have to work with and it may be so deep rooted the person may never change no matter how much therapy they undertake. It comes from many different sources like genetic, how they were raised, trust issues from other events in their lives.
I don't have a romantic relationship story to explain it but I do have one that involves my brother.
My brother and I are extremely close in age and as we got older we always did stuff to one another to make the other laugh. Remembering him I always saw laughter. A few years ago his son died and he has never been the same - no body would, but I miss my brother because he has become such a different person. He bottles up and then is just mean and nasty about everything with me. I get that he lost his son, and believe me I was there with support every step of the way. I called his wife everyday for a year, couldn't understand a damn thing she said through all the tears, but she just needed a warm body on the other end of the line. I don't think there is anything more damaging and painful as a parent losing a child. I would go out to the cemetary the day before mother's and father's day and leave letters to them at their son's grave letting them know what great parents they are and were to their son and that there was nothing they did or didn't do to cause what happened.
My brother is bottled up and downright miserable and who wouldn't be, but instead of seeking any help in dealing with it he internalizes it and it seems like he wants everyone to be miserable with him. There comes a time, no matter what the tragedy you need to be civil to other people.
My relationship with him now is extremely stressful. We barely speak. I came over to pick up his wife one day to go somewhere and I barely got a hello from him. I sat there in the same room with him for 30 minutes and not a word between us. I go to his other son's high school football games and we say nothing to each other. I can't even get a laugh out of him. I feel stressed and very ill at ease around him.
I don't foresee him changing in the near future only getting worse and I now just avoid him. It's sad, I miss my brother, but you can't force people to deal with things in their life a certain way. He's far away now and too far for me to reach.
i will try to get people to open up. jokes, controversial remarks, etc. are all in my repertoire for getting people to open up. however, if they dont want to open up, they unfortunately wont open up, and there really isnt much you can do about it.
i think... everyone communicates differently so maybe there is another way that the person feels more comfortable communicating... there is the term passive aggressive so if this is more what they are doing it can be unhealthy but, if they just sort their own problems out within their own mind and are not hurting anyone else... why be bothered?
if passive aggressive then i think time space and then a discussion usually serves this type of trait
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