Balancing Social Life and Work (sociopath, women, daughter, sleeping)
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okay, fair enough, thanks for responding to my question. and it seems i overlooked one of your questions.
well, i honestly think that a couple of the "tricks" to finding balance that includes changing your mindset and also adapting your environment to integrate your "home" and business/productivity space to become more seemless. like for many years it was easier to stay at the office late when i had a gym nearby, a mini fridge, an office couch to sleep on, a tv to watch on background, etc. and nearby bars and restaurants i'd frequent where i became friends with the bartenders and servers. helps to tip well too.
as far as changing mindset, what i am referring to is almost the same, which means you are always "on" business wise and you just seek your personal life as an extension of the whole you. tough to do, but if looking into becoming more zen like and your career objectives are compatible with your personal values it can be done. also, i've noticed there are more and more blogs writers focusing on quality of live measures as a form of business/career "fringe benefit". tom farris' 4hr work week is a good example. but it's essentially creating a lifestyle that is more "whole" as opposed to compartmentalizing your work and personal life. actually, i'd been doing quite a bit of this over the past several months.
then oddly enough we should be discussing this but last night i ran across an effective meditation program called the silva method that been around for decades that helps you reprogram yourself for this kind of mindset. i'm a sucker for self improvement so going to sign up for a live weekend seminar nearby in a couple of weeks. and if you haven't tried tony robbins, NLP, brian tracey, mindfulness, self hypnosis and prayer, you owe to yourself to look into those at least out of intellectual curiosity. but at the core of all of this stuff is developing the ability to transform yourself for your next life challenge, along with discover your life purposes and aligning your daily activities to move toward that end. also, be aware that there is a truism that says that whatever skills, talents and opportunities it took to get you here may not necessarily be the same to get you to your next point in life.
good luck
Thank you for this. Truly. I think I misread what you wrote initially and took it as you saying that my being 31, single, wanting an LTR and family at some point, and in grad school/working was an impossibility of sorts and that you felt sorry for me or something. I feel much more encouraged now, and I'm sorry I assumed that's what you meant (thus why I felt defensive).
And, your insight is fantastic. I LOVE the last paragraph you wrote, I will be coming back to that.
Funny how different my goals are now as opposed to what they were in my twenties. I actually did accomplish the goals I had in my twenties (primarily travel, self-expression, experiencing love, expanding my mind, variety, excitement, learning about myself, etc.etc.), and I know I can accomplish my goals in my thirties as well. My goals in my thirties are much more about 'creation' and 'stability' rather than mere 'exploration', and I really appreciate how you talk about our ability to transform ourselves for our next life challenge. My challenges in doing so right now are in learning to manage my energy, time, money, and focus better in order to reach my goals - especially while in grad school - but you created such a positive, motivating way to look at it. I do think once I've aligned my daily life more in tune with my vision, I will also be able to relax within new relationships so much more as well, because I will be living my purpose.
Anyway, you are RIGHT ON. Thank you so much for your thoughtful post and reading suggestions. Best wishes.
I work full time and go to school full time, have a dog, house and hobbies.
There are certain things you can do to make your life easier: live close to where you are most (work usually). Long commutes are a major waste of time. During lunch I go home and walk my dog and maybe run some errands or do laundry.
I take mostly online classes so I save time in driving to college.
I often go to the gym before work.
From Monday-Thursday I am a hermit, working and studying and chores. I try to keep my weekends free of work and school, otherwise I would go crazy. I still have enough time to date and have fun. If you work a lot, you NEED to relax on some days or it is stressing you out too much in the long run.
I only work one job and I struggle! I don't get off work until 6pm and I have a 40 minute drive home which makes it tough to go on dates or even meet up with friends on work nights. If dating and spending time with friends is a priority to you you just have to find the time somewhere, wherever you can. I like to be spontaneous sometimes too, but I do better if I make solid plans with friends. I'll meet you at this place at this time on this date. I'm 30, almost 31 and I would like to have a family someday too. I think at our age if we want to make that happen we have to make dating and the search for a compatible person a priority. It's hard. I feel like there's just not enough time to do everything I would like to do!
I only work one job and I struggle! I don't get off work until 6pm and I have a 40 minute drive home which makes it tough to go on dates or even meet up with friends on work nights. If dating and spending time with friends is a priority to you you just have to find the time somewhere, wherever you can. I like to be spontaneous sometimes too, but I do better if I make solid plans with friends. I'll meet you at this place at this time on this date. I'm 30, almost 31 and I would like to have a family someday too. I think at our age if we want to make that happen we have to make dating and the search for a compatible person a priority. It's hard. I feel like there's just not enough time to do everything I would like to do!
Try to find a different job with better hours? And then move a little closer to work ...
I spent a few years working 55-70hrs a week, going to the gym 4-5 nights a week, and going on dates a few nights a week. That was back when I could get away with 5-6 hrs of sleep each night and the urge to have sex and lift weights seem to beat the urge of getting extra sleep.
Now, I have been with my gf a few years (I'm 26) and we love our 8 hours of sleep, few nights a week at the gym, and it's just soooo much more easy than the wine and dining and having to do everything myself.
God as much as I loved being single, being happy and in a relationship is 1000x easier lol.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,786,605 times
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I work 42 hours a week and am in grad school 1/2 time. I have decided to exclude dating from my social life. I go out a lot and have fun with my friends but dating just does not fit into my life right now.
One thing I'll say having only a 10 minute commute helps with my time management.
I work 42 hours a week and am in grad school 1/2 time. I have decided to exclude dating from my social life. I go out a lot and have fun with my friends but dating just does not fit into my life right now.
One thing I'll say having only a 10 minute commute helps with my time management.
The risk in adding dating to an intense schedule like yours is -- what if love happens? Serious emotions and involvement with females can derail even the most steadfast of men, and their scholastic career. Even worse if a breakup happens. Steer clear until you've passed "GO" and collected your diploma and landed a new job.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,786,605 times
Reputation: 41386
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbiePoster
The risk in adding dating to an intense schedule like yours is -- what if love happens? Serious emotions and involvement with females can derail even the most steadfast of men, and their scholastic career. Even worse if a breakup happens. Steer clear until you've passed "GO" and collected your diploma and landed a new job.
Exactly. I think some posters here are g$&damn crazy when they tell me that a busy schedule is not an excuse for not dating and I should not "shun aspects of my life." What if I fall in love before I finish school but end up having to break if off with a woman because I get a great job offer too good to pass up elsewhere? Hell, even this semester I'm having a hard time keeping up without dating. For now, my mind is on books and job hunting.
I work full time and go to school full time, have a dog, house and hobbies.
There are certain things you can do to make your life easier: live close to where you are most (work usually). Long commutes are a major waste of time. During lunch I go home and walk my dog and maybe run some errands or do laundry.
I take mostly online classes so I save time in driving to college.
I often go to the gym before work.
From Monday-Thursday I am a hermit, working and studying and chores. I try to keep my weekends free of work and school, otherwise I would go crazy. I still have enough time to date and have fun. If you work a lot, you NEED to relax on some days or it is stressing you out too much in the long run.
It works!
Thanks for your response! This is exactly how I'm trying to shape my schedule now instead of letting myself be overwhelmed - work hard, play hard, manage my time well... schedule in relaxation so as to not get burnt out.
I'm focusing on hope that it is possible!
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
I only work one job and I struggle! I don't get off work until 6pm and I have a 40 minute drive home which makes it tough to go on dates or even meet up with friends on work nights. If dating and spending time with friends is a priority to you you just have to find the time somewhere, wherever you can. I like to be spontaneous sometimes too, but I do better if I make solid plans with friends. I'll meet you at this place at this time on this date. I'm 30, almost 31 and I would like to have a family someday too. I think at our age if we want to make that happen we have to make dating and the search for a compatible person a priority. It's hard. I feel like there's just not enough time to do everything I would like to do!
Thanks for chiming in. I'm the same way - I'd rather be spontaneous, but I do have to make more solid plans given my schedule. Your are right... it is all about priorities. If only time was infinite!
Quote:
Originally Posted by houstan-dan
I spent a few years working 55-70hrs a week, going to the gym 4-5 nights a week, and going on dates a few nights a week. That was back when I could get away with 5-6 hrs of sleep each night and the urge to have sex and lift weights seem to beat the urge of getting extra sleep.
Now, I have been with my gf a few years (I'm 26) and we love our 8 hours of sleep, few nights a week at the gym, and it's just soooo much more easy than the wine and dining and having to do everything myself.
God as much as I loved being single, being happy and in a relationship is 1000x easier lol.
Haha, I hear ya. Being single has its perks, but there is also struggle that I know I won't miss when I'm in a more serious relationship. Haha, the sleep thing is so true...
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
I work 42 hours a week and am in grad school 1/2 time. I have decided to exclude dating from my social life. I go out a lot and have fun with my friends but dating just does not fit into my life right now.
One thing I'll say having only a 10 minute commute helps with my time management.
Yeah, the commute is a big thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Exactly. I think some posters here are g$&damn crazy when they tell me that a busy schedule is not an excuse for not dating and I should not "shun aspects of my life." What if I fall in love before I finish school but end up having to break if off with a woman because I get a great job offer too good to pass up elsewhere? Hell, even this semester I'm having a hard time keeping up without dating. For now, my mind is on books and job hunting.
Well, good for you to know your priorities and stick to them. You sound motivated, which is awesome.
I imagine it's very different for men being single and busy. You have to be more proactive to meet a girl, whereas we are more passive in the beginning and basically just decide whether or not we'd like to further engage with a guy who has asked us out. So, can't blame ya. Hope things work out well for you.
It's not much of a debate. Focus on making money since it's not something you can get lazy with and succeed.
Regarding my own social life, I only care to hang out with my best friends a few times a month. The satisfaction diminishes greatly for me after that, and I don't want to spend half my week either drunk or hung over.
Getting dates doesn't even require going out. I can talk to more than 50 girls a week only doing day to day activities. Even as a full-time student with a full-time job, you're constantly surrounded by hundreds of girls and have more than enough time for dating. How much time does it really take to have a good social life? People don't get successful partying every night, they go broke. Even professional athletes and lottery winners usually go bust by being irresponsible.
There's only so much that alcohol, sex, and travel can do before the dopamine rush wears out and you're left with a sense of emptiness. A career can give a person much greater purpose in life, not to mention a superior lifestyle.
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I think I misread what you wrote initially and took it as you saying that my being 31, single, wanting an LTR and family at some point, and in grad school/working was an impossibility of sorts and that you felt sorry for me or something. I feel much more encouraged now, and I'm sorry I assumed that's what you meant (thus why I felt defensive). 
