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There have been a good amount of guys in my life who have told me after the fact that they had had a crush on me for a long time. I never knew this and would never have guessed it, because they acted so cold towards me, aloof, to the point where I felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I felt insignificant to them.
They said they acted that way because they didn't think I would go for them and they didn't want to put themselves out there to be shot down. But the truth is, had they just told me, it would have been a different story. Instead they acted like they didn't care if I existed.
Why do some guys do this? Are they that afraid of rejection that they'd rather hide their true feelings no matter what?
There have been a good amount of guys in my life who have told me after the fact that they had had a crush on me for a long time. I never knew this and would never have guessed it, because they acted so cold towards me, aloof, to the point where I felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I felt insignificant to them.
They said they acted that way because they didn't think I would go for them and they didn't want to put themselves out there to be shot down. But the truth is, had they just told me, it would have been a different story. Instead they acted like they didn't care if I existed.
Why do some guys do this? Are they that afraid of rejection that they'd rather hide their true feelings no matter what?
There have been a good amount of guys in my life who have told me after the fact that they had had a crush on me for a long time. I never knew this and would never have guessed it, because they acted so cold towards me, aloof, to the point where I felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I felt insignificant to them.
They said they acted that way because they didn't think I would go for them and they didn't want to put themselves out there to be shot down. But the truth is, had they just told me, it would have been a different story. Instead they acted like they didn't care if I existed.
Why do some guys do this? Are they that afraid of rejection that they'd rather hide their true feelings no matter what?
Yes.
Being continually shot down is not a desirable situation. After a while it is impossible to ascertain genuine sincerity as none has ever been seen, observed, noticed, offered nor experienced on any level. Encountering only the deceitful who enjoy hurting, causing pain, suffering and heartbreak diabolically using love as bait. Do you hear what I here? Take heed.
There have been a good amount of guys in my life who have told me after the fact that they had had a crush on me for a long time. I never knew this and would never have guessed it, because they acted so cold towards me, aloof, to the point where I felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I felt insignificant to them.
They said they acted that way because they didn't think I would go for them and they didn't want to put themselves out there to be shot down. But the truth is, had they just told me, it would have been a different story. Instead they acted like they didn't care if I existed.
Why do some guys do this? Are they that afraid of rejection that they'd rather hide their true feelings no matter what?
This is incredibly self-defeating behavior. The shy or low-self-esteem guys do this. I've known women who said they found out after the fact that a dude was interested in him. After it was too late to do anything about it, and they said if he'd only said something, or done anything to let them know he was interested, the women would've been happy to reciprocate. They said--this is why women go through really long dry spells. Because the dudes who are interested in them never even talk to them, or they only tell them they had a thing for 'em when they're moving away and there's no chance of pursuing anything. One woman was ticked, thinking back on how much she wanted a bf in those days, but nobody seemed interested.
This is seriously wacked, y'all. This is one reason the league concept is a bad idea. Don't assume your love interest won't be interested in you. It's a lame and counter-productive thing to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stava;
Why do some guys do this? Are they that afraid of rejection that they'd rather hide their true feelings no matter what?
Yes. Read this forum. This is what a lot of the dudes are saying.
Last edited by NewbiePoster; 10-17-2014 at 10:09 PM..
I would like to add that being cold and somewhat aloof works a lot in high school and somewhat in college (with the goal being getting a woman interested and thus naked at some point). This carries over into adulthood until some guys realize it doesn't work anymore. With the right women it works all of there life.
There have been a good amount of guys in my life who have told me after the fact that they had had a crush on me for a long time. I never knew this and would never have guessed it, because they acted so cold towards me, aloof, to the point where I felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I felt insignificant to them.
They said they acted that way because they didn't think I would go for them and they didn't want to put themselves out there to be shot down. But the truth is, had they just told me, it would have been a different story. Instead they acted like they didn't care if I existed.
Why do some guys do this? Are they that afraid of rejection that they'd rather hide their true feelings no matter what?
It is because men and women both are too afraid to put themselves in a position of rejection because that is what they fear the most.
If people would just understand that you have to expect rejection many times before you actually find the one that is right for you the entire dating scenario would change in an instant.
Fear, one emotion holds so many humans back from their true potential.
I wouldn't think too much of it when a guy acts cold toward you. Girls can actually be the same way.
Sometimes a girl who is clearly rude or not interested in talking in our first interaction where I'd talk to or flirt with her will actually be the one to start flirting with me at another time. I mentioned this in another post, saying not to worry about rude girls because they can be surprisingly interested at another time and place.
It's true that men can do it too. Shy or nervous people often come across as rude by accident, but people may also just be aware their behavior is rude toward people they either want to meet, or may later become attracted to. It's not like in the movies where men and women confidently seduce each other with witty pickup lines.
The guy was probably defensive, assuming you would be uninterested. Still, if you're interested in someone, it doesn't hurt to be very positive and friendly around him. I get way more female attention when I'm smiling than when I'm negative. The differences are blatant. Even guys are more social with me when I smile.
I was recently told by a guy I was CRAZY about decades ago that he didn't dare make a move because he had too much respect for me and our fathers were friends. Huh????
Well, he lived thousands of miles away, so there wasn't any chance of anything really happening, but that one blew my mind.
He wasn't cold. He was hot and cold. Which was terribly confusing at the time.
There have been a good amount of guys in my life who have told me after the fact that they had had a crush on me for a long time. I never knew this and would never have guessed it, because they acted so cold towards me, aloof, to the point where I felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I felt insignificant to them.
They said they acted that way because they didn't think I would go for them and they didn't want to put themselves out there to be shot down. But the truth is, had they just told me, it would have been a different story. Instead they acted like they didn't care if I existed.
Why do some guys do this? Are they that afraid of rejection that they'd rather hide their true feelings no matter what?
Yep, defense mechanism.
It's cowardice. They are doing nobody any favor by not putting themselves out there.
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