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Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
596 posts, read 627,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Clean
from what i see here on CDR, there's lots of guys wanting an LTR. and some apparent haven't had that many sex partners. give 'em a shot and don't be so picky, or "objectify them" for some idealized qualities you seek in a man cuz i'm sure these guys are capable of providing you the emotional support and loyalty you need in an LTR.
fyi, i hear the "being a sex object" phase goes away after a while, so dunno what to say beside guess enjoy it while you can...
p.s.: funny how some women truly enjoy being treated like sex objects in bed.... and i think it's a good rule of thumb to alway make a woman feel physically and sexually desired/wanted in bed.
Yes, I'm not saying there aren't men who want LTR, I just want to know how men pick and choose who to date and who to sleep with; when the regular rules no longer seem to apply (i.e. dress loose, and men will see you as loose, dress with class and men will see you as class).
Sometimes a woman can dress "modestly" and a man will still only pursue her for sex. But that's so odd to me, why see a girl as "just for sex" when she carries herself with more "respect" and substance?
If men are going to compartmentalize women into being "sexual flings" regardless of the way she dresses, then the saying isn't true. Men don't judge women based on how they dress, and dressing more conservatively doesn't necessarily guarantee a woman to be "relationship material."
Yes, I'm not saying there aren't men who want LTR, I just want to know how men pick and choose who to date and who to sleep with; when the regular rules no longer seem to apply (i.e. dress loose, and men will see you as loose, dress with class and men will see you as class).
Sometimes a woman can dress "modestly" and a man will still only pursue her for sex. But that's so odd to me, why see a girl as "just for sex" when she carries herself with more "respect" and substance?
If men are going to compartmentalize women into being "sexual flings" regardless of the way she dresses, then the saying isn't true. Men don't judge women based on how they dress, and dressing more conservatively doesn't necessarily guarantee a woman to be "relationship material."
okay,
first, will you accept the premise that not all women want a relationship and some just want to have commitment-less sex like men? should be a truism i think... especially in this "hook up culture" i hear about
next, do you think it's possible that some men, like me i guess, cannot determine if a woman is "relationship quality" until he has had sex with her? after all, ppl usually expect that good relationships involve good sex correct?
so, say, if the sex compatibility is not there, is it acceptable for the guy to politely (and indirectly) decline? or maybe just disappear even though he wasn't sure at first, before he had sex? i mean, is it okay to sample the goods before you commit to an order?
or do you think that is wrong? and it's wrong for men to be like that? what if the woman decided that after sex she didn't think it had LTR potential, e.g., penis size? i mean, it should be okay if either has that approach correct?
anyway, i think those examples should start allowing some variations to the typical "all men are that way" (AMATW) gender argument.
Last edited by Dr. Clean; 10-25-2014 at 02:51 AM..
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
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People feel different ways and want different relationships with different people. News at 11. The world isn't about binary relationships. I can meet someone and want to be their platonic friend, or lover, or boyfriend, or just hook up with them and never see them again, or want nothing to do with them at all, ever, or any myriad of relationship types.
It doesn't have much to do with how she carries herself, or anything other than each interaction between two people is different.
Well that's my point, and I have to say, I don't know why the men on here are trying to act like this mentality isn't running rampant around the dating scene, because it is.
Men judge women all the time on how we dress, what made me confused, is that after I saw that episode I realized I have seen guys go after a woman that dresses with self-respect to only want sex with her and it got me totally confused, because it goes against that theory. Here I was thinking he had actual feelings for her and was going to want a relationship with her, only for it to turn out that it was all about sex--but her image and characterization completely went against being a "good for only sex" type of girl.
I said this in response to someone else, but I think it all comes down to what we're being told as women. Women are always told that how we dress dictates the type of men we'll attract in our lives, but not only from what I've seen on this show (small example) and in my actual life, women can end up still only being thought of for sex, regardless of them dressing modestly or not.
I'm sure women have attraction towards certain characteristics in men as well. They are just a bit shy expressing it. If a woman wants her dignity to be respected, she should speak up. How else does he know she expects more than sex.
And once again, its a TV show. I'm pretty sure people were asked to take up such roles.
Last edited by Adi from the Brunswicks; 10-25-2014 at 06:52 AM..
Some guys would much prefer to rumple up the good girl as proof of their prowess. That's why there are fetishes about the schoolgirl in uniform, the nun, the teacher, the librarian, the business woman, etc. I was a tutor when my husband and I dated, and I wore things like twinset sweaters and a pleated skirt. He loved it and told me so. He still has a thing for the buttoned-up schoolmarm. The low-hanging fruit? Not really.
Yes, I don't think there is anything wrong wrong with it. My husband didn't act on impulses or thoughts, he's too smart for that. I like that he is honest though, knows himself well, and feels free to share that with me.
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The majority of my male friends (the ones that aren't married or in a LTR) view women like this and to me it is just sad. Personally, I won't even consider sex until after the 2nd or 3rd date, basically, I'm not sleeping with some crazy lady (and I've passed a good portion). Find out what the woman wants out of a relationship, find out her personality, find out if her goals match up with yours, if they don't it's not a solid idea to go that extra step.
A similar situation like that happened to me. This guy was looking for a relationship/to settle down, and he sees me as an option just for sex. I haven't spoken to him in a long time so there were no more feelings or anything between us so I felt comfortable to ask him, and he told me that he didn't think I carried myself in a slutty way. For that particular guy anyway, I know he has commitment issues not just to me, but with women he has had relationships with that has lasted for longer than 3 months. Even if a guy does want a relationship, I think it's in their inner nature to still want to hop around in the sack no matter how the girl carries herself. If she carries herself as slutty, some guys may not even want to hit that because they don't know where she's been.
If she carries herself as slutty, some guys may not even want to hit that because they don't know where she's been.
Bingo, we have a winner. I've been told by these women that I am rude and that I play hard-to-get, and I'm like, whatever.
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