I've had the absolute worst experience with dating lately
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During my first half year of OLD, every time I met somebody and I thought there is a spark, I immediately had my whole future with him planned out in my head. By the time I had my drink finished, in my mind I was already sitting with him in our house, retired and had apple pie.
Now I just go there, if he seems okay, I think "ok, great. Whatever. I dont take you seriously until I saw you at least 5 times."
For some reason they are on me like flies on ...
I am not cold and distant. I am outgoing and friendly. I just don't put any hope and pressure in it.
That's just a mind set though. Unless you're actually acting on the way you were feeling, like actually talking to him on the first date about your planned wedding and how many kids you're going to have together, I wouldn't think that'd be an issue. I never bring any of these sort of things up on a first date, no matter how much I like the other person. The first date is mainly just casual chit chat about our respective lives. Maybe I'm not being "sexual" enough. Maybe I'm playing it too safe by maintaining personal space. Maybe I need to be a little more touchy, bring in more sexy talk into our conversations. I guess I just figured that was a little creepy on the first date. But maybe that's actually what IS holding me back. There are no sparks perhaps because I'm not making enough sexual advances.
That's just a mind set though. Unless you're actually acting on the way you were feeling, like actually talking to him on the first date about your planned wedding and how many kids you're going to have together, I wouldn't think that'd be an issue. I never bring any of these sort of things up on a first date, no matter how much I like the other person. The first date is mainly just casual chit chat about our respective lives. Maybe I'm not being "sexual" enough. Maybe I'm playing it too safe by maintaining personal space. Maybe I need to be a little more touchy, bring in more sexy talk into our conversations. I guess I just figured that was a little creepy on the first date. But maybe that's actually what IS holding me back. There are no sparks perhaps because I'm not making enough sexual advances.
A little flirty is okay, but honestly, I didn't flirt much with anybody. It was more of a casual talk and no touching or sexual at all.
But I hug the person right away when we meet and I mean it (not with these limp, half a$$ed movements like some people do).
A little flirty is okay, but honestly, I didn't flirt much with anybody. It was more of a casual talk and no touching or sexual at all.
But I hug the person right away when we meet and I mean it (not with these limp, half a$$ed movements like some people do).
This is good to know, because it has been something I wondered about; that I wasn't making enough sexual advances on the first date. I abstain from that because I don't want to come across as a creep. But I'll probably open up a little more by the 2nd or 3rd date. On one of my successful dating experiences, it was about the 3rd date that things really started to heat up with the girl. If it hadn't prematurely ended, I'm sure it was moving to the bedroom on the following date. Sometimes I'm just an idiot.
I'm just trying to figure out the rest of the female population, and what it is they actually want in a guy that will eventually have them settle on me. I've had success in the past, I've dated women before and been in relationships, and I'm not a virgin. So that's why this is so strange to me, as if I've suddenly lost my luster even though my life has significantly improved over the last few years. I have a better job, I make more money, I'm in better shape. Yet, dating/relationships has been on the decline for me for whatever reason(s).
Well, preferences do tend to cluster around certain traits, e.g., looks/personality/career etc. but that's definitely not saying that many or even most women would like and dislike the exact same set of guys. But you knew this already, I'm sure. No matter how much you try to tweak your personality, there will always be women out there who just don't feel it.
I think it's great to solicit feedback from those close to you and also on a forum like you've already been doing, but you also need to accept the nature of the beast. If you're looking for a relationship instead of just a quick casual fling, most women will understandably need more than just the superficial traits - that extra "something" that's so hard to articulate can often dominate the calculus. And as others have already pointed out, it's either there or it isn't, and there's not much you can do about it, often anyway.
It may well be that you're just running through a rough patch, that's all. Every guy I know has had these more than once...and then one day, BAM! - multiple women blowing up his phone and wanting to get intimate or more.
Well, preferences do tend to cluster around certain traits, e.g., looks/personality/career etc. but that's definitely not saying that many or even most women would like and dislike the exact same set of guys. But you knew this already, I'm sure. No matter how much you try to tweak your personality, there will always be women out there who just don't feel it.
I think it's great to solicit feedback from those close to you and also on a forum like you've already been doing, but you also need to accept the nature of the beast. If you're looking for a relationship instead of just a quick casual fling, most women will understandably need more than just the superficial traits - that extra "something" that's so hard to articulate can often dominate the calculus. And as others have already pointed out, it's either there or it isn't, and there's not much you can do about it, often anyway.
It may well be that you're just running through a rough patch, that's all. Every guy I know has had these more than once...and then one day, BAM! - multiple women blowing up his phone and wanting to get intimate or more.
Just roll with it, I say.
I agree with you. I tend to have my best luck when I'm juggling multiple women that I'm not really all that interested in. I tend to be more mysterious during these periods, because it is hard to keep up communication when you're talking to 3-4 different women simultaneously.
At the same time, sometimes you're just flushed with dates and other times you couldn't pay someone to go on a date with you. It's all about peaks and valleys.
I'll say it again - I don't think it's you. It's everyone else. Good people are hard to find. Good people who have their lives together as in they have their own place (or at least don't live with their parents), have a job that is enough to pay their bills, etc. are hard to find. Add to that finding a person who is emotionally free to be in a relationship meaning they aren't dragging around baggage from a prior relationship or looking for a rebound. Add to that they have to be in a point where they want a relationship and have the time to devote to one AND that you have to be attracted to one another with common interests and life views. And if that wasn't all all enough, NOW add in that person has to actually know what they want. So many people out there have no idea what they're looking for. They'll reject a great person because of some superficial detail. Some people are looking for a fairy tale person that doesn't exist, so they just keep floating from person to person.
Whenever I feel really bad about the rejections I've faced, I try to think about how difficult it is for everything to come together. I do look at myself to see what things I may be doing wrong, but I do think there are a lot of factors in dating. It's tough.
Sorry, I guess this is more of a vent session than anything. Unless you have any insights or a pep talk you think you can provide.
Talk about a morale killer. In the last few months, I've been on a number of dates with the worst women that I could have possibly went out with. These are women who, after a first date or meeting, completely ignore me afterwards, are wishy-washy when it comes to setting future dates up, who don't initiate plans or communication with me. I kid you not, this is becoming a regular trend for me and it's pretty upsetting/frustrating. During the dates, they do not let on that they're having a bad time. In fact, we seem to have a good time during all of these dates. They even agree to meet again in the future. But when I try to initiate with them later on, it's radio silence or a real lack of enthusiasm on their part.
For starters, I'm not a strange or awkward guy with my life in shambles. I have a good job, I'm educated, my life is pretty well put together. I've always considered myself decent looking and having a warm, welcoming personality. I'm shy/introverted, but I'm confident and friendly and I think that comes out over time. I've discussed this topic at length with some of my close female friends, and they are as baffled as I am about what's going on with me. They all think that I'm a "catch", that I'm handsome, that I'm put together well, and don't understand what's going on either.
Have you went through a slump like this, where it seems that people of the opposite sex seem repelled by you after meeting with you just once? This is how I'm feeling lately, as if I'm perceived as some creepy, loner guy that women see as pathetic and not worth their time. As a result of all the frustration, I've decided to completely remove myself from the dating market. I feel like I'll be saving myself from more disappointment and heartbreak. I just wish I could figure out what I'm doing to make women want to avoid me after we've met for the first time. I mean, I have plenty of good friends who appreciate me for who I am. I'm not sure what I'm doing to leave the wrong impression with these women who, after a first date, I personally have not written off completely myself for any particular reason. So why do they seem to be writing me off?
Keep fighting my man its the law of averages the right woman will see you for who you really are
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