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I recently met a guy who looks great on paper (good looking, smart, kind, classy, well-mannered, ambitious, financially stable and successful). He seems like a perfect match on many levels as we're "equals" when it comes to career and success.
I technically should date the guy because he ticks 85% of my criteria. The problem is that I am still hung up on some guy who rejected me months and months ago when he didn't get the milk from the cow. This former fling has no career prospects and his educational achivements are limited to high school. I can't seem to be able to move on from him though. I already rejected plenty of great guys because I was still into him but this time around I'm not sure what to do.
Sure, the fact that I am on the verge of giving this new man a chance is a proof I'm moving forward but I remain very confused.
This new guy seems like a great catch yet I'm still hoping for the former fling to come back. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to go out with this new guy if I'm not 100% available emotionally. I don't want to string him along.
Additional "cons"
✧ One little thing that bothers me is his name, but I can get past this.
✧ Another "issue" is that he comes from a background which expects the practice of a certain religion. Although he regards himself as "liberal", I'm quite scared I'd end up being trapped in some kind of cultural drama. I'm usually wary of very religious guys. I don't want to be controlled, not to mention he's almost 30 and I'm 24.
How should I handle this?
Thanks,
Last edited by LostinPhilly; 11-11-2014 at 04:44 AM..
Keep dating him, but tell him to give you "some time", if he's into you he will understand, and probably is for the best.
However remember that he may have some other options as well, and guys aren't known for their "great" patience.
Usually when you meet someone who is genuinely interested in you, and you are emotionally unavailable you need to put your own things together: does this guy gonna wait "forever"? Is it fair to make him "wait"?
Most likely the answer to these questions are NO. So better be careful to become available soon enough, if you REALLY want to pursue a relationship with him.
I recently met a guy who looks great on paper (good looking, smart, kind, classy, well-mannered, ambitious, financially stable and successful). He seems like a perfect match on many levels as we're "equals" when it comes to career and success.
I technically should date the guy because he ticks 85% of my criteria. The problem is that I am still hung up on some guy who rejected me months and months ago when he didn't get the milk from the cow. This former fling has no career prospects and his educational achivements are limited to high school. I can't seem to be able to move on from him though. I already rejected plenty of great guys because I was still into him but this time around I'm not sure what to do.
Sure, the fact that I am on the verge of giving this new man a chance is a proof I'm moving forward but I remain very confused.
This new guy seems like a great catch yet I'm still hoping for the former fling to come back. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to go out with this new guy if I'm not 100% available emotionally. I don't want to string him along.
Additional "cons"
✧ One little thing that bothers me is his name, but I can get past this.
✧ Another "issue" is that he comes from a background which expects the practice of a certain religion. Although he regards himself as "liberal", I'm quite scared I'd end up being trapped in some kind of cultural drama. I'm usually wary of very religious guys. I don't want to be controlled, not to mention he's almost 30 and I'm 24.
How should I handle this?
Thanks,
Just don't. You're already talking yourself out of it. That's not going to get any better.
It looks like you are in the store. What guides you - feelings or your brain?
I usually go with my feelings.
Thing is, if I start dating someone else, this will magnify the fact that this former fling is not a part of my life and we didn't work out. It's as though I'd rather live in the fantasy of him coming back rather than to face the truth - If he truly wanted to be with me, he would have made a move already!
You're not into this new guy if you're already listing cons. What exactly is "85% of your criteria"? I have never looked at a potential partner this way and broken my interest down to a percentage. You either like him, or you don't, IMO.
What appeals to you about a guy with no prospects that you didn't sleep with, but can't move on from? What is holding you back and why do you think the former guy is worth wasting more time and missing more opportunties?
I don't think you should date until you figure out why you're allowing a guy you briefly dated to have such a hold over you still.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly
I recently met a guy who looks great on paper (good looking, smart, kind, classy, well-mannered, ambitious, financially stable and successful). He seems like a perfect match on many levels as we're "equals" when it comes to career and success.
I technically should date the guy because he ticks 85% of my criteria. The problem is that I am still hung up on some guy who rejected me months and months ago when he didn't get the milk from the cow. This former fling has no career prospects and his educational achivements are limited to high school. I can't seem to be able to move on from him though. I already rejected plenty of great guys because I was still into him but this time around I'm not sure what to do.
Sure, the fact that I am on the verge of giving this new man a chance is a proof I'm moving forward but I remain very confused.
This new guy seems like a great catch yet I'm still hoping for the former fling to come back. I'm not sure if it's a good idea to go out with this new guy if I'm not 100% available emotionally. I don't want to string him along.
Additional "cons"
✧ One little thing that bothers me is his name, but I can get past this.
✧ Another "issue" is that he comes from a background which expects the practice of a certain religion. Although he regards himself as "liberal", I'm quite scared I'd end up being trapped in some kind of cultural drama. I'm usually wary of very religious guys. I don't want to be controlled, not to mention he's almost 30 and I'm 24.
Thing is, if I start dating someone else, this will magnify the fact that this former fling is not a part of my life and we didn't work out. It's as though I'd rather live in the fantasy of him coming back rather than to face the truth - If he truly wanted to be with me, he would have made a move already!
I'm basically holding on to a fantasy.
So what holds you to make right decision?
You can lose both of them.
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