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I think that's what put me off it was pretty much an ultimatum which obviously isn't nice.
I do like him being totally honest but I seem to have a hard time separating myself emotionally from sex if that makes sense?. From past mistakes I've learnt that I'm not the sort of person who can just have sex with someone and then go on my way so to speak and I always end up a little broken hearted, so I'm trying this new thing but it doesn't seem to be working.
Don't get me wrong I like sex as much as the next person but it gets to complicated for me, especially if the other person doesn't feel quite the same.
Dont ever let anyone trick you into compromising your values. This guy is not boy friend material. Move on.
I think that's what put me off it was pretty much an ultimatum which obviously isn't nice.
I do like him being totally honest but I seem to have a hard time separating myself emotionally from sex if that makes sense?. From past mistakes I've learnt that I'm not the sort of person who can just have sex with someone and then go on my way so to speak and I always end up a little broken hearted, so I'm trying this new thing but it doesn't seem to be working.
Don't get me wrong I like sex as much as the next person but it gets to complicated for me, especially if the other person doesn't feel quite the same.
ultimatums in male/female relationships are rediculous and annoying arent they? remember this
i think its pretty stupid when having sex has to be a fight.
if either party has to beg or make subliminal threats in order to get sex that is already a problem
you are in the wrong for making this guy that you "like" pay for your past mistakes
maybe you should move on and he should move on and go get at those sex options that he turned down
ultimatums in male/female relationships are rediculous and annoying arent they? remember this
i think its pretty stupid when having sex has to be a fight.
if either party has to beg or make subliminal threats in order to get sex that is already a problem
you are in the wrong for making this guy that you "like" pay for your past mistakes
maybe you should move on and he should move on and go get at those sex options that he turned down
I told him about my past mistakes and he didn't seem to have an issue with them. I'm not making him pay for them I'm just doing what I want to do. I'm not stopping him doing anything he wants to do, if he wants to go and have sex with all those people he apparently turned down then he can go for it.
I am seeing this guy and have been for round a month, it is not official yet.
I told him from the start that I wanted to take it slow, I didn't just want to have sex with him straight away.
I think maybe he has had enough of the no sex thing after we had a conversation yesterday. I don't really know what to think of the conversation we had. If I'm being 100% honest it kind of put me off him and I would appreciate it if you guys could tell me if I am being stupid after I post the convo we had?
He asked me if I wanted to stay the night at his yesterday, I couldn't as I was busy. I think this kind of annoyed him and he said this to me....
Him - ''You do not understand how many girls I have turned down for you, if this isn't going to happen then idk what to do''.
Me - What makes you think you have to turn down other girls for me? I never told you to do that, we are not together you can do what you want.
Him - Ok I will do what I want but you don't understand how many offers I get and I turn them down because I know you wouldn't want me if I had sex with other girls.
Me - It's none of my business who you ****, **** whoever you like okay .
Him - Are we having a serious conversation? don't get serious.
Me - Not a deadly serious one no, I was just interested as to what makes you think that you have to stay away from other girls as if it's my fault or like I'm torturing you by not giving you sex or something, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, I'm not forcing u to.
I don't know if his whole I've turned down so many girls for you was meant to make me feel special? but it kind of had the opposite effect and I don't know why it actually kind of annoyed me.
I know this whole thing sounds so pathetic but am I over reacting? I don't understand why I feel a little uneasy and a bit put off after that conversation we had
Sounds a little arrogant on top of the peer pressure and manipulation. You stated you can't spend the night. This person doesn't seem to care if they lose your respect.
I think that's what put me off it was pretty much an ultimatum which obviously isn't nice.
I do like him being totally honest but I seem to have a hard time separating myself emotionally from sex if that makes sense?. From past mistakes I've learnt that I'm not the sort of person who can just have sex with someone and then go on my way so to speak and I always end up a little broken hearted, so I'm trying this new thing but it doesn't seem to be working.
Don't get me wrong I like sex as much as the next person but it gets to complicated for me, especially if the other person doesn't feel quite the same.
He wasn't being totally honest with you - he was trying to manipulate you. But since you know who you are and what you can handle - you didn't buy what he was selling. And since you didn't, you don't have anything to regret. Good for you!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Percentage
Dont ever let anyone trick you into compromising your values. This guy is not boy friend material. Move on.
Yup!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ace_TX
ultimatums in male/female relationships are rediculous and annoying arent they? remember this
i think its pretty stupid when having sex has to be a fight.
if either party has to beg or make subliminal threats in order to get sex that is already a problem
you are in the wrong for making this guy that you "like" pay for your past mistakes
maybe you should move on and he should move on and go get at those sex options that he turned down
Not having sex with someone until you are emotionally ready isn't making someone pay for past mistakes. Sex isn't something that a woman owes a guy. It's something to be shared when both are ready. If one person isn't ready - then it shouldn't happen. It's really that simple.
I am seeing this guy and have been for round a month, it is not official yet.
I told him from the start that I wanted to take it slow, I didn't just want to have sex with him straight away.
I think maybe he has had enough of the no sex thing after we had a conversation yesterday. I don't really know what to think of the conversation we had. If I'm being 100% honest it kind of put me off him and I would appreciate it if you guys could tell me if I am being stupid after I post the convo we had?
He asked me if I wanted to stay the night at his yesterday, I couldn't as I was busy. I think this kind of annoyed him and he said this to me....
Him - ''You do not understand how many girls I have turned down for you, if this isn't going to happen then idk what to do''.
Me - What makes you think you have to turn down other girls for me? I never told you to do that, we are not together you can do what you want.
Him - Ok I will do what I want but you don't understand how many offers I get and I turn them down because I know you wouldn't want me if I had sex with other girls.
Me - It's none of my business who you ****, **** whoever you like okay .
Him - Are we having a serious conversation? don't get serious.
Me - Not a deadly serious one no, I was just interested as to what makes you think that you have to stay away from other girls as if it's my fault or like I'm torturing you by not giving you sex or something, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, I'm not forcing u to.
I don't know if his whole I've turned down so many girls for you was meant to make me feel special? but it kind of had the opposite effect and I don't know why it actually kind of annoyed me.
I know this whole thing sounds so pathetic but am I over reacting? I don't understand why I feel a little uneasy and a bit put off after that conversation we had
I see a manipulative jerk in your life. The crystal ball says, "you don't need this. Move on to someone who's a better fit".
That whole convo didn't need to happen, OP. It happened bc he didn't believe you when you said you were busy. He thought you were giving him a bogus line. He basically accused you of lying, by implication. You don't need a guy like this. But you did a good job, you were real with him, so his attempted manipulation didn't work. Don't waste any more time with this fool.
Sounds like he already gave up and was just letting you know why. The girls thing was an accident said out of anger, kind of like "don't think you are special because I could have had someone else and will", which is why it is not flattering. However it was probably all spun in the hope that he was wrong and it'll work out lol.
Last edited by OvernightDelivery; 11-18-2014 at 08:04 AM..
While the OP's non-boyfriend isn't exactly behaving honorably, the underlying problem isn't exclusively his fault. Mutual expectations do not appear to have been articulated.
Isn't the presumption that exploring routes to a relationship is predicated on ceasing all amorous contact with other people in the meanwhile? The OP might not be comfortable with initiating sexual contact too soon, and that's her prerogative. But why would she react so nonchalantly to the possibility of her "boyfriend" still having sex with other women? Isn't the whole point for him to NOT be having sex with anyone at all, while she reaches an understanding with herself, on what's to be done?
Phrasing this as a conversation:
Man: I am physically attracted to you.
Woman: likewise, but I'm not ready for sexual contact.
Man: understood, and I shall make unyielding vow of celibacy while you deliberate.
Woman: likewise understood. In honor of your vow, I shall (1) share with you the rationale behind my deliberations, and (2) make all reasonable haste in reaching a decision.
Such a conversation never occurred, and it's likely too late now.
While the OP's non-boyfriend isn't exactly behaving honorably, the underlying problem isn't exclusively his fault. Mutual expectations do not appear to have been articulated.
Isn't the presumption that exploring routes to a relationship is predicated on ceasing all amorous contact with other people in the meanwhile? The OP might not be comfortable with initiating sexual contact too soon, and that's her prerogative. But why would she react so nonchalantly to the possibility of her "boyfriend" still having sex with other women? Isn't the whole point for him to NOT be having sex with anyone at all, while she reaches an understanding with herself, on what's to be done?
Phrasing this as a conversation:
Man: I am physically attracted to you.
Woman: likewise, but I'm not ready for sexual contact.
Man: understood, and I shall make unyielding vow of celibacy while you deliberate.
Woman: likewise understood. In honor of your vow, I shall (1) share with you the rationale behind my deliberations, and (2) make all reasonable haste in reaching a decision.
Such a conversation never occurred, and it's likely too late now.
No. Another rationale, which the OP stated earlier, goes more like this:
Woman: I suspect that I will act irrationally once I start having sex with you. I'll probably overlook your flaws and feel very attached to you, regardless of your feelings for me. I want to be cautious so I don't act foolishly.
Man: Okay.
Don't fall for this tactic. He is trying to pressure you into having sex claiming that he has other options. You told him from the start that sex isn't something you want to engage in the near future. He understood that and proceeded with the courtship, right? He sounds like a manipulator and a low-life TBH. I don't think he's in it for the long haul.
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it actually kind of annoyed me. 
