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I know, but there are more women waiting for a man to initiate a relationship than there are women who are willing to initiate one.
Add that to the fact that there are millions of shy, quiet, reserved, socially awkward, average looking to unattractive women--some with great personalities, some not so much--to beautiful women with stale personalities and everything in between; most of which are playing the role of "pursuee" makes it hard to understand.
If a woman found herself in a situation like the OP it would be for 1 of 2 reasons:
a. Men don't pursue/initiate a relationship with her, they don't show an interest in dating her, and she doesn't switch the role she plays by initiating an interest...so she "waits."
b. She is single by choice.
It is more common for men to assume the dominate role in dating, and that alone opens up more opportunities than just passively sitting by waiting for someone to approach you. So honestly, I truly cannot understand a man that's never dated, never kissed, never had sex, and never had a relationship with a woman at 40 unless he has a social disorder or severe physical defect that effects his ability to connect with people.
My uncle was like that. Thankfully, he has passed away and doesn't have to worry about this anymore.
I know shy and introverted are not the same thing but there are a good number of people who are shy and introverted. This thread is about understanding why a man may reach a certain age without a relationship. Understand that not all guys are willing to go through all of that rejection.
I'm shy and introverted. I can understand why some guy can't get a girlfriend or wife. I take offense when people (especially on here) treat shy men like their subhumans.
I'm shy and introverted. I can understand why some guy can't get a girlfriend or wife. I take offense when people (especially on here) treat shy men like their subhumans.
No, being shy does not make a person subhuman. But, if someone is unhappy about their single status, and being shy is getting in their way, then the logical thing to do is work on overcoming their shyness.
I have to admit MMorena, your comments are somewhat provocative. It seems as if you aren't willing to understand how a man can reach a certain age without having a relationship but you could probably understand how a woman can. If this isn't the case please clarify.
I dated a guy once, briefly, who has in his 40s and had never had a long-term girlfriend, much less been engaged, married, etc. I figured out pretty quickly why that was. I'll bet he still hasn't.
No, being shy does not make a person subhuman. But, if someone is unhappy about their single status, and being shy is getting in their way, then the logical thing to do is work on overcoming their shyness.
When someone is shy 9 times out 10, they can't overcome it. I have family members like this and they're elderly. They never had a relationship in their lives. Not everyone gets a happy ending.
When someone is shy 9 times out 10, they can't overcome it. I have family members like this and they're elderly. They never had a relationship in their lives. Not everyone gets a happy ending.
Location: Somewhere in a Field of Hopes and Dreams
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113
Are you shy and introverted?, have you ever been shy or introverted? Now try approaching someone and get rejected and see how that feels. People don't understand certain things because they don't picture themselves in other people's shoes.
You're missing the point.
A man is still in the role of the pursuer whether he is shy, introverted or not. The ball is still in his court! I am very shy when it comes to dating, when I like a man he won't even know it because I'm too shy to show him. Now in every other facet of my life I'm outgoing, friendly, and relatively confident but when it comes to sharing my feelings and being vulnerable with someone that I'm unsure will do the same, I tense up. So trust me, I get the fear of being rejected.WE ALL DO, this doesn't make you special because you've felt it once or twice or ten dozen times. One sting of rejection is enough to paralyze anyone. The difference is most people keep moving on with their life, accepting that not everyone will like them but that someone will.
I'd say I'm fairly attractive, most people will say I'm attractive (at least this is what they like to tell me--maybe its all lies haha) and on a good day I'd say I'm attractive but that still hasn't changed the number of men that approach me. I'm friendly, I try to be considerate of others, treat people kindly, I like to have fun and think I'm easy going, overall I think I have a pretty good personality and I know that I'm honest to a fault. But this hasn't really tipped the scales for me in terms of how many guys are knocking down doors to speak to me.
Instead what often happens--because I play the role of the "pursuee"--is that these guys will come tell me years later that they had a crush on me, but at this point it does neither of us good because at that point I had moved on with life (relocated, etc). I was single that entire time that they were interested and remained so because I--as society puts it--expected them to take the dominating role of initiating an interest. They did not. Some of them could of had the chance to date me but because they did not take advantage of being in that dominant role of "pursuer," they remained single.
So although shy and being introverted can play a role it's not the debilitating trait you're trying to make it out to be. Because the fact remains Men--given their expected and readily accepted dominant role--have more chances to go get what they want. Whereas more women are trained to sit and wait for what they want. *in regards to relationships*
If you as a man don't take advantage of the ability to be the "go getter" in the genders then the fault is yours.
P.S. I have had shy and introverted guys pursue me--in fact its the ones with the largest egos that can't seem to speak up
And some guys get tired of it so they stop trying and leave with what little self-esteem they have left.
And those people (not just "guys" -- enough with the gender-specific BS) end up without dates, while those of us who who accept that rejection is part of life and move on end up with dates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113
And some people never get rejected.
And who, pray tell, do you think those people are? I suppose there might theoretically be someone out there who has never once been turned down by someone they were attracted to, but that would have to be such a tiny and practically non-existent group of people that we really might as well be discussing vampires or unicorns. Seriously. The overwhelming majority of us have some people who are into us and some people who aren't. The difference is which of those two groups we choose to focus on.
So although shy and being introverted can play a role it's not the debilitating trait you're trying to make it out to be. Because the fact remains Men--given their expected and readily accepted dominant role--have more chances to go get what they want. Whereas more women are trained to sit and wait for what they want.
If you as a man don't take advantage of the ability to be the "go getter" in the genders than the fault is yours.
But women can do the pursuing too. You don't have to sit and wait, it's a choice.
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