Massive Mistake, Need Urgent Help and Advice (men, calling, affairs)
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Um...this isn;t about someone not letting someone out of the car. She lied to him, was hanging around the streets with another guy though she belonged to him, she said. She committed to him. Of course he's going to be in shock and re-act. If that's all my boyfriend had done to me if/when I pulled that crap, I;d consider myself blessed. She could've stayed in the car just a few minutes more to hear the consequences of her lying and betrayal, won't hurt her. Remember, she planned on marrying the guy. Obviously this is shocking and a slap in the face. Hopefully she learned her lesson, he sure seems to have. He's even convinced himself this is his fault, though he didn't lie or deceive, pretend to want to marry her then get with another guy at 4am then be defensive and try to justify it, she's a piece of work.
I just explained why he wouldn't. She can sit in the car and hear the consequences to her actions, he never kidnapped her. Talk about ludicrous
You are wrong.
If, at ANY time at all, your significant other starts acting like your parent ... Hell no.
Consequences that are acceptable: he breaks up with her; he communicates in a grown up, adult manner.
No person, ever, has the right to:
1. hit, be violent or out of control toward another person.
2. dictate another person in this manner.
3. Verbally assault you in the manner he admitted to.
The timing was inappropriate. The mood was inappropriate. The situation was inappropriate. And, regardless of who threw the first punch, the situation was inappropriate. There is no such thing as "she deservered ..." If OP was truly upset over her actions, then he has the right to walk away and take her out of his life. There are so many failures in this story and relationship, and the OP needs to go work on HIMSELF so that history does not repeat itself.
True but it wouldn't have occured had she not lead him on, deceived him about the seriousness of the relationship then lied to him. So we need to see the WHOLE PICTURE for what it is, not cherry pick one section to say it shouldn't have happened. That's trying to delude someone, not cool. When there is more to the story.
I posted part of the post just a few posts before this, I guess you missed it. She's lied so much he's caught onto her mannarisms hence why she got caught. He saw the signs then went to verify them. I am not sure what you mean by a sexual person, there are very few truly non sexual people in the world. But that's beside the point. Lets keep to the OP
So you'd assault a guy, then when you get it back, you call it kidnapping and now add what he did, the same thing she did to him, has now become " A stunt" She got into the car under false pretenses, lied saying the circumstance was not what it really was. Then he didnt take her home due to it. His choice. You are a very interesting person.
You are in another thread saying a guy is stalking you via your cell phone of like 78 text messages. Are you also leaving out the part you may have assaulted him to? Or did anything you are leaving out which would cause such behavior?Since assault is ok with you, under only the circumstances you choose, is this something you perpetrated upon him? Did you light his house on fire cause 78 messages, imagine how much time that takes. Honestly I don't believe you any more. You are not credible as we see here.
Obviously I find it bizarre you find assaulting someone, lying and deceit, pretending to be their fiance while lying so you can be out on the street till 4am with your best friends boyfriend...then you even call this same victim who fought back...a kidnapper. I am glad you are receiving annoying texts, maybe it will teach you something. Harassment and assault is not ok, fighting back is.
The bolded:
So, we only have HIS side of the story. Not hers. And you're telling us that we're the ones cherry picking??
Here's the deal. According to OP, HE felt like he wanted to marry her. But, they WERE NOT ENGAGED (unlike what you seem to think here).
And him choosing to not take her home after she said she wanted to go home??? WTF gives him the RIGHT to deny her request?
The underlined:
WTF is wrong with you?
Someone analyzes this, says OP was in the wrong because he really is showing abusive traits, so you accusing a responder of being a man beater?
Sounds like this relationship just needs to be over for so many reasons. Neither of you are without blame. She hit you too - hard enough to leave marks on your face, so she's hardly innocent. You both got physical with each other, but you are getting all the blame because you're a man. I think you need to accept this relationship is over. If a guy ever put his hands on me in anger, my family would never ever forget it or forgive him. You may have lost your cool and it'll never ever happen again, but the damage is done now and I don't think anything you say or do can undo the damage. We've all heard the stories that this is how physical violence starts - with a punch or a slap here and he'll never ever do it again...until he does. Let her go. And definitely work on yourself to make sure you never ever lose control of your temper like that again.
Sounds like this relationship just needs to be over for so many reasons. Neither of you are without blame. She hit you too - hard enough to leave marks on your face, so she's hardly innocent. You both got physical with each other, but you are getting all the blame because you're a man. I think you need to accept this relationship is over. If a guy ever put his hands on me in anger, my family would never ever forget it or forgive him. You may have lost your cool and it'll never ever happen again, but the damage is done now and I don't think anything you say or do can undo the damage. We've all heard the stories that this is how physical violence starts - with a punch or a slap here and he'll never ever do it again...until he does. Let her go. And definitely work on yourself to make sure you never ever lose control of your temper like that again.
Great post. I think the OP is a good bloke and he realizes he was in the wrong for his actions that night. I hope he gets some counseling to help him work through what went wrong in this relationship so he can avoid those mistakes in his next relationship.
Asking if he felt going out at 4am..her hanging out in the street with another guy, after lying to him...um why ask me such a ludicrous question?
Because they weren't hanging out in the street. They were in a bar most of the time, then they were at a guy's flat, with a 3rd party. She didn't lie to him, ever. She said she was going out with a friend. And that was the truth. She was out with a friend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliforniaGirl;
We'll we can't even question that he made a big fuss unnecessarily with the facts present.
Some of what people other than the OP are presenting aren't facts. This is why clarification from the OP is needed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12;
The timing was inappropriate. The mood was inappropriate. The situation was inappropriate. And, regardless of who threw the first punch, the situation was inappropriate. There is no such thing as "she deservered ..." If OP was truly upset over her actions, then he has the right to walk away and take her out of his life. There are so many failures in this story and relationship, and the OP needs to go work on HIMSELF so that history does not repeat itself.
Pretty much, this.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 11-28-2014 at 10:24 AM..
Could it be? - GF was out with her "mate". They were having a "girl's night" when along comes mate's BF. Time to leave, "mate" gets in her car and leaves. GF is hoping for a taxi but none available. Mate's BF offers to wait with GF while she waits for the taxi, not wanting to leave the young lady alone on the street in the wee hours. Someone suggests the wait is getting long, "let's go to my place and we can call a taxi to pick you up there."
You see, there is another explanation. But we're only hearing nick's side.
Yes, it could be. And maybe that's what got clarified in the end, because now the OP has settled down and wants to get back together with her. There are some puzzle pieces missing from the limited picture the OP has presented. It seems like the OP jumped to conclusions when he found out she was at the flat of her own gf's boyfriend. Which is, itself, a red flag--someone who jumps to conclusions so easily, and assumes the worst about someone he professes to love and want to marry.
Please guys do not get into arguments over what is sexist or what is assault or not.
As I said in my original post it was more of a push with my first then an actual punch. She was close to me and trying to hit me in the face and I did what I did in a kind of one big motion. I only drive a small hatchback and it was my way of pushing her away from me.
I should of restrained her at the most but I didn't. I know I'm wrong and it seems as though she wants nothing to do with me now despite the lovely weekend we had. I really do think its 100% from her parents as she was so understanding and willing just a few days ago..
You don't learn very fast, dude. What business do you have restraining anyone? Someone needs to take you out behind the barn and 'restrain' you. Yet, you know you are wrong to do the things you. Her folks are wise to stop her from seeing you, if they can. I wouldn't want either of my girls around you...
You don't learn very fast, dude. What business do you have restraining anyone? Someone needs to take you out behind the barn and 'restrain' you. Yet, you know you are wrong to do the things you. Her folks are wise to stop her from seeing you, if they can. I wouldn't want either of my girls around you...
Lol, so what does one do when a woman is punching youbin the face?
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