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Yes, it's been a source of resentment on her part for many years. Not to say that they'd be deliriously happy even if they were married, but this doesn't help.
You're with a guy with whom you really connect and are completely happy with but he doesn't care to get married. He wants to spend the rest of his life with you but just doesn't believe in the legal process of marriage.
Or
A man with whom you're not as happy and connected with but professes his love and want to marry and spend the rest of his life with you. You love him but aren't as in love with him as you are the man whom doesn't care to marry.
Please stick to the 2 options and don't use hypotheticals. Its either option 1 or 2.
I care nothing about getting married.
I guess for some women it is a religious or moral thing. No living together or reproducing without the benefit of marriage.
If a person is willing to commit to someone for life then what is the problem with marriage? That's a line of thinking I don't understand.
Because I'm just going along in life, minding my own business. If I love someone and want to be with him, am committed to him, treat him as if married, why do I need to have someone else sign off on it (church, government)? I love this person. That came first. So why do I have to go further, to the next step, and marry him if I don't have the inclination? There's no impetus pushing me to marry. I don't feel the need. That's a concept that someone else came up with.
I ask your question in reverse: If a person is willing to commit to someone for life, then what is the necessity of getting married? And, this is not intended to disrespect anyone who takes their wedding vows seriously, but I don't see marriage as a permanent commitment, either, because there's always divorce. Again, I completely respect people who put value on and honor their marriage. I'm not putting marriage down. I'm just saying it's not guaranteed to be permanent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
I care nothing about getting married.
I guess for some women it is a religious or moral thing. No living together or reproducing without the benefit of marriage.
That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm not religious. I don't have the need for the tradition. I don't find it morally wrong to have sex, live together, or even have children, without marriage. (The children part of it is more complicated, obviously, you're bringing them into it; I'm just saying I don't find it morally offensive.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
My dad is anti-marriage, but has been in a relationship with my mom for over 30 years. It's not what I want for myself at all.
I have a male relative who went through a really bad divorce; I don't know the details. When he fell in love with his current partner, he told her, emphatically, upfront that he would never, ever marry again. She accepted this and they were happy for decades together. When they were in their 70s, he decided he wanted to get married, lol. And they did. Your post just reminded me of them.
1. I am in a long-term relationship in which neither of us want legal marriage unless it becomes necessary for practical purposes relating to immigration. We share our lives, a home we co-own, a dog and a lot of years together. It works for us.
Because I'm just going along in life, minding my own business. If I love someone and want to be with him, am committed to him, treat him as if married, why do I need to have someone else sign off on it (church, government)? I love this person. That came first. So why do I have to go further, to the next step, and marry him if I don't have the inclination? There's no impetus pushing me to marry. I don't feel the need. That's a concept that someone else came up with.
I ask your question in reverse: If a person is willing to commit to someone for life, then what is the necessity of getting married? And, this is not intended to disrespect anyone who takes their wedding vows seriously, but I don't see marriage as a permanent commitment, either, because there's always divorce. Again, I completely respect people who put value on and honor their marriage. I'm not putting marriage down. I'm just saying it's not guaranteed to be permanent.
Well, I can only speak for me, but marriage was important to me for the legal implications. I want my husband to make medical decisions for me if I'm not able to, for example. I want him to get whatever resources I might have if I die. Yes, that can all be legally written up in other documents, but getting married is actually a lot easier.
The other thing is that I wouldn't want to have kids with someone unless we were married. It's harder to walk away from a marriage than it is to walk away from a boyfriend/girlfriend. I want that extra layer of protection that forces us to work on our relationship instead of easily walking away.
I personally married for life. I don't consider divorce an option for me and I'm confident I can work out whatever issues arise. My husband feels the same.
I understand the "marriage is just a piece of paper" argument (and I voted for #1) but at the same time I can see how, if you're going to the trouble to make sure the legal arrangements are in order for a long-term non-marriage relationship (wills, insurance, power of attorney, etc.) that a marriage license isn't all that much more effort. Six of one...
Well, I can only speak for me, but marriage was important to me for the legal implications. I want my husband to make medical decisions for me if I'm not able to, for example. I want him to get whatever resources I might have if I die. Yes, that can all be legally written up in other documents, but getting married is actually a lot easier.
The other thing is that I wouldn't want to have kids with someone unless we were married. It's harder to walk away from a marriage than it is to walk away from a boyfriend/girlfriend. I want that extra layer of protection that forces us to work on our relationship instead of easily walking away.
I personally married for life. I don't consider divorce an option for me and I'm confident I can work out whatever issues arise. My husband feels the same.
Not really if you are in a committed relationship and have a mortgage, kids, etc. together.
Well, I can only speak for me, but marriage was important to me for the legal implications. I want my husband to make medical decisions for me if I'm not able to, for example. I want him to get whatever resources I might have if I die. Yes, that can all be legally written up in other documents, but getting married is actually a lot easier.
The other thing is that I wouldn't want to have kids with someone unless we were married. It's harder to walk away from a marriage than it is to walk away from a boyfriend/girlfriend. I want that extra layer of protection that forces us to work on our relationship instead of easily walking away.
I personally married for life. I don't consider divorce an option for me and I'm confident I can work out whatever issues arise. My husband feels the same.
My childhood sweetheart proposed to me, and for a moment I thought it sounded nice, even fun (I know, stupid, but I was young), but the more I thought about it, something inside of me just didn't like the idea of it. Later on in our relationship, he would start to try to control me, emotionally and physically, and at times violently. I felt completely frustrated and trapped in those moments.
So, I can see the point that it would be harder to walk away from a marriage than a boyfriend/girlfriend, but it's actually the opposite for me. My not being married is less of a reason for me to leave, and more of a reason to stay, because I want to and don't feel "trapped" to do so. (I'm not going to reference that old saying, lol.) I know a lot of people will say that that explains my apathy (aversion?) to marriage, but I'm not sure that it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
I understand the "marriage is just a piece of paper" argument (and I voted for #1) but at the same time I can see how, if you're going to the trouble to make sure the legal arrangements are in order for a long-term non-marriage relationship (wills, insurance, power of attorney, etc.) that a marriage license isn't all that much more effort. Six of one...
Lol, I guess I'm just being stubborn, but it's not the effort for me, I just don't like the idea of someone telling me that I have to get married to get those things.
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