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I think that many people assume that their partner is attracted to a list of qualities/skills that they themselves see as "great things" within themselves.
So like if someone is attracted to you and you evaluate yourself and say: oh yes, I have this and this and this... I am great... No wonder he is attracted to me.
What may surprise you is that he is attracted to something else (nothing on your list) and maybe even attracted to something YOU consider a weakness about yourself.
Some guy may say: oh, I am out of work, who will be attracted to me now? Well, women who can take care of themselves and who are mainly looking for someone to.... connect with... or take care of... or have fun with...or control/dominate...or who are looking for feelings most of all...
Or some woman may say: oh, I am hot tempered, not a good wife. But some guy may really like the temper and the passion and the fights.
Or some woman may say: oh, I am such a nice wife, I can cook and clean with the best of them. But turns out, this guy doesn't care about this stuff as much as attention from the partner. And if she focuses on cooking/cleaning she will be a bad wife for him.
Or some guy may say: oh, I am such a good person, I love helping people, I am a good catch. But a particular woman may prefer attention (usually being helpful means the guy doesn't have too much time for you because he is running around helping everybody)
Or some woman may say: oh, I am so selfish, I just care for my looks and my needs. But some guy may like a trophy wife.
Some woman may say: oh, I have no opinions and can't hold a conversation. But some guy may be looking for a "wall flower" wife.
In other words, you think that your guy is attracted to you because of such and such, but it may be that he simply finds you mysterious. Or he is missing his mother and you replace the mother figure.
So I think it would be interesting to find out what you think is attractive in you to a guy versus what your guy is attracted to in you.
You may even have better self esteem when you find out that he just likes you "because you are so nice to him". Turns out it's not your looks or skills or anything else, and you have what it takes naturally.
The best couples are when people like each other for who they are. So they don't have to try to be different, they don't have to do things to become more valuable. They are valuable for being them. And in fact, trying being someone else may reduce their value.
I think that many people assume that their partner is attracted to a list of qualities/skills that they themselves see as "great things" within themselves.
So like if someone is attracted to you and you evaluate yourself and say: oh yes, I have this and this and this... I am great... No wonder he is attracted to me.
What may surprise you is that he is attracted to something else (nothing on your list) and maybe even attracted to something YOU consider a weakness about yourself.
Some guy may say: oh, I am out of work, who will be attracted to me now? Well, women who can take care of themselves and who are mainly looking for someone to.... connect with... or take care of... or have fun with...or control/dominate...or who are looking for feelings most of all...
Or some woman may say: oh, I am hot tempered, not a good wife. But some guy may really like the temper and the passion and the fights.
Or some woman may say: oh, I am such a nice wife, I can cook and clean with the best of them. But turns out, this guy doesn't care about this stuff as much as attention from the partner. And if she focuses on cooking/cleaning she will be a bad wife for him.
Or some guy may say: oh, I am such a good person, I love helping people, I am a good catch. But a particular woman may prefer attention (usually being helpful means the guy doesn't have too much time for you because he is running around helping everybody)
Or some woman may say: oh, I am so selfish, I just care for my looks and my needs. But some guy may like a trophy wife.
Some woman may say: oh, I have no opinions and can't hold a conversation. But some guy may be looking for a "wall flower" wife.
In other words, you think that your guy is attracted to you because of such and such, but it may be that he simply finds you mysterious. Or he is missing his mother and you replace the mother figure.
So I think it would be interesting to find out what you think is attractive in you to a guy versus what your guy is attracted to in you.
You may even have better self esteem when you find out that he just likes you "because you are so nice to him". Turns out it's not your looks or skills or anything else, and you have what it takes naturally.
The best couples are when people like each other for who they are. So they don't have to try to be different, they don't have to do things to become more valuable. They are valuable for being them. And in fact, trying being someone else may reduce their value.
I hear you
Agree that liking each other for who we are is always the sweet spot to be in
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
