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Walk right over to a mirror and tell that woman looking back at you that you are worth it, worth time and effort, worth loving. Pray for humility that you can stop being so "independant" in your thinking about yourself, This man is using you like a dishrag, they do not want someone who is so available, please consider that. At least have him pay the going rate, sorry but that is how you are portraying yourself, uncommitted sex eats at your heart and soul, and honey you are full of holes from your post, go on an immediate fast from all men and relationships and find the one above who will fill the void in your soul, god bless.
"Women who love too much", perhaps you could read it and see if it helps.
hmmm, I'm wondering how much is to much?
Dennis, can you give me some help here?
Well, creme, I havn't actually read the book myself. My fiance has the book, and she thinks it is a really good read. As far as I know, the book helps women who have been in, (and stayed in) abusive relationships. But to try to answer your question, I believe that when a man cheats on his woman, beats her with his fists, belittles her etc., and the woman stays with him, and takes that junk, THAT is loving "too much".
I only read like the first and last few pages in this thread. So if this was covered... um, my bad.
It's my opinion that you are not obligated to support your partner unless you've been in a relationship for a while (or married... which ever comes first). If he is "sick" with low self esteem, that's really a burden he needs to fix on his own. People should enter a relationship as a self-dependent individual. People should compliment one another rather than complete each other.
I only read like the first and last few pages in this thread. So if this was covered... um, my bad.
It's my opinion that you are not obligated to support your partner unless you've been in a relationship for a while (or married... which ever comes first). If he is "sick" with low self esteem, that's really a burden he needs to fix on his own. People should enter a relationship as a self-dependent individual. People should compliment one another rather than complete each other.
I think, and this is just me....you need to take a look at yourself....
First, I'd be willing to bet your pretty young...maybe anywhere from 18 - 25
Second, you need to find out, why your bound and determined that you need someone in your life to feel happy and good about yourself.
Third...I would, if I were you, seek counseling, b/c your going to continue to pick loosers with self esteem issues...why, b/c they show you attention, which your probably very hungry for.
You need to take a look at your childhood, how you grew up and why you possess very little self esteem.
All kidding aside, you sound like a great person, but you can't fall apart everytime things don't go your way, especially if another person doesn't fit into YOUR idea of what love is, and I don't mean that as an insult, but lets explore what your Idea of love is....what do you expect from a partner and why?
Are you able to take care of yourself, meaning do you have a good paying job, your own place, and can provide for yourself. Have you had any college background or extra classes.
You need to inspire your own life, and not expect others to...when you understand who you are, like who you are, that confidence will help you realize, you don't pick the first person who comes along and shows you attention...that is not love, that is co-dependency which is dangerous for you mentally.
This guy is a looser, why should it matter why or why not he is treating you like this.
Lesson 1. He must have been taught this growing up with dysfunctions in his life, which contaminates any relationship he enters into.
We learn from our parents any confidence we own...and we parrot them...so, in both cases, yours and his, you are simply acting out, how your parents were and what your idea of life is supposed to be. Understand? If he had parents who drank, constantly told him he was no good, and beat him, he is going to have many problems...and not be able to live up to your expectation nor anyone elses. Yes, it's very sad, but no reason to feel sorry for him, b/c he is not going to change, unless he wants to. And love nor YOU will change him.
What you must do right now, is learn who you are, and stop thinking your worthless....if you cannot love yourself how do you expect anyone else to. If you do not enjoy yourself, and feel confident, you will always pick loosers because there is this inner feeling that you don't deserve better and you will forever pick someone who makes you feel awful about yourself.
Get into counseling and start making a new day everyday for yourself, and when you become confident, stop being a door mat, and start knowing you, your desires, your needs, fulfilling your life dreams...then, wisely, you'll be able to be a constructive part of someone else's life. You will also pick someone who is compatible to you...for instance, who possesses the same ideas about loving someone, who enjoys a lot of the same hobbies as you do...who possesses the same goals and dreams, which is very very importatant, otherwise the two personalities will clash.
Lesson 2....Women I REPEAT, WOMEN DO NOT HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO BE SUCCESSFUL.
Lesson 3, Stop feeling like you have to be married to have someone take care of you...learn to take care of yourself so you don't have to depend on someone for that...that is a silly ol fashioned attitude that our mothers teach us.
Lesson 4. Persue some kind of education for you, b/c you will utilize it...
Lesson 5. Go out and enjoy life, learn to do things by yourself, save your money and do something you've always wanted to do, and stay out of trouble, and stop looking for the first guy to come alone and carry you off on his white horse, cuz it's not going to happen. The only person who can make you happy and fulfill your dreams is you. If you wait and depend on others to do so, it will never happen.
Just some thoughts to throw at you...but first, before you even consider any relationship, you must get your heart and mind sound...otherwise, you will live the rest of your life in saddness...you see, it's your choice...no one elses...YOURS...so if you pick someone who treats you like this guy, it's your fault....understand?
love and hugs
Creme
Thanks, I took the time to think of all your questions and comments. I am, smart, educated, successful in my career, physically beautiful as most seem to say everyday but always I choose people who are terribly abusive.
You are right myself esteem is low. I did not know it but you made me aware that although I am possitive in my out look in life, I have never been loved.
I have never been loved by my parents. I have the most abusive parents. After reviewing another link on this board, I realize that both my parents are sociopaths. It was more clear that my father had problems but in recent years I realize that my mother is evil, to the point of being devilish. Looking back I realize that both of them would pounce on me.
Imagine parents saying to their child, "Do you think you are better than us?" This is mind blowing that they would say this. Its odd, they were pigs and still are pigs.
I realize that did affect my experiences with other friends or so called friends who were never sincere.
MY GOD, I DONT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. I DONT KNOW LOVE!!! much as it hurts me its true. you know I was looking at that Anne Heche book and I was thinking this is me. She is me and I am her.
It just on the outside everyone sees what they want to see believest that you have it all together or even better but on the inside you are dying, rotting away and no one sees it or knows it.
I always thought that the one thing missing in the world is love and if you love them more everything will be ok. If you forgive them everything will be ok. However I have discovered that giving love to people does not change them. It does nothing unless that person already has love inside.
Well, I've read through this whole thing and, in my opinion and for the sake of your wellbeing both now and in the future, I'd seriously look into counselling. Finding the right counsellor isn't always easy but this situation really reeks. This man is unemployed, sees you twice a month, TEXTS you on Christmas Day while you buy him an expensive gift and you think you love him? He's turning you upside down and inside out to the point that you think of suicide, a mutual friend who apparently doesn't know you're seeing him tells you his reservations about this man's psychological make-up. Apparently he has lost not only previous girlfriends (using the excuse that they cheated on him) but other close friends as well. Doesn't this all set off a major clanging of warning in your head? Of course it does, otherwise you wouldn't be on this forum.
Come along, young lady, put your thinking cap on and stop wasting time on something so horribly destructive and toxic. Involve yourself in healthier activities, do some volunteer work, get out there and make some friends with healthy interests. This relationship is SO abnormal and so wrong for you. Good luck to you and cheers!
WOW the way you put it was a real eye opener.
Its so clear as I responder to the previous post I do have issues that I did not realize before. Clearly I was not seeing myself untill I took the time to answer really examine all the answers that I got here. I have been crying quite a bit. I realize that I am more depressed that I realized but the reasons are so much deeper than just that man.
=========================
To the person who said that I dont need a man to complete me, I agree with you but please try to remember from my earlier post that I said,I have not been with a man in 3 YEARS. NO DATE, NO HUGS, NO SEX.
No I did not think that I was some needy person, apparently I am otherwise I would not have latched on to someone who is so obviously not right for me.
Maybe he is pushing me away because just maybe he realizes that he is not right for me. Maybe he does not feel deserving. Obviously because who mistreats someone who is supportive to them.
To the person who said that I dont need a man to complete me, I agree with you but please try to remember from my earlier post that I said,I have not been with a man in 3 YEARS. NO DATE, NO HUGS, NO SEX.
No I did not think that I was some needy person, apparently I am otherwise I would not have latched on to someone who is so obviously not right for me.
Maybe he is pushing me away because just maybe he realizes that he is not right for me. Maybe he does not feel deserving. Obviously because who mistreats someone who is supportive to them.
Then my opinion goes out to you as well. Perhaps you should do some soul searching and develop happiness of your own. If I remember correctly, you said that you were an attractive person. Yet you haven't been with a man in 3 years. I don't know why that is but the real question is, do you?
As you said, you're more depressed than you realized... Try seeing a Psychiatrist, get some Prozac, enjoy life a bit, and meet someone decent along the way. Your number one focus should be to get yourself better (and again, it doesn't have to be through a guy... nor should it be). Do things you used to enjoy, meet up with people you enjoyed being with, try things you've always wanted to (like taking a dance class)... the bottom line is to enjoy your life. Notice the emphasis on the word "enjoy".
Regarding your last paragraph, you're still not right in the head about this guy. The saying goes, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." It's a good saying but there's a reason it was said (because people DO bite the hand that feeds). This guy's a low-life that isn't taking your feelings/life into consideration. The fact that you're feeling the way you are as a result of his behavior is reason enough.
I think he's being too cautious, what gets me is that he keeps bringing up what others have done in the past.. There is this saying "Once bitten twice shy". He needs to let go of the past and move on and let his relationships flourish. I believe that he's just scared of being hurt once again.
And, I think he's not "scared" to be hurt again...otherwise he wouldn't have had sex with the original poster.
He must know by now, how she feels about him, and the emotional attachment which comes with having sex. (For and in the girls eyes.)
Sure, some guys like "casual" sex....no attachment, no feelings invested.....with BOTH having an "understanding".
So, with HIM having sex with HER, with the feelings she is having.....THAT theory went straight out the window.
It seems rather calculated, at best, and he knows very well, what he's doing and the affect he is having on her.
Either continue to see him....for sex or just for the heck of it....or just dump his butt already.
I am sorry....to me he sounds like a rat...wants the whole cake and eat it too....ALL OF IT!
(That's why he can call the shots...leave you hanging, and with restrictions and "requests".)
I truly believe, you are being played and used right now.....
Good luck!
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