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I find myself getting disappointed in the vast majority of girls I meet. I don't at all have an impossibly high set of standards or anything, and would justlike someone who has similar interests/outlooks and is nice.
The girls I meet are always really wild. Usually they're into drinking, smoking,excessive tattoos/piercings, among other things. Then the one's who don't seemto like that stuff are just hiding it. I see those things as red flags, andthink they'll carry over into actual adulthood. I'm 19 and see any girls drinking underage as a red flag especially when they're already behaving like alcoholics, and with smoking it's just a really reckless thing to do especially when the teen smoking rates are at record lows. It's like this everywhere in myarea too, whether it's girls at school, or random. Doesn't help that I live ina small area where all the females seem to be connected somehow.
This past weekend I found out pretty much every female I know is into this stuff onsome level. It feels like it'll never get any better. Not even lookingfor a relationship right now, but it just seems that if they're like this now,it'll only get worse.
Because of this I keep a distance, and treading lightly has saved me from some stickysituations. I usually find out these girls are nothing but trouble, and havereally toxic personalities. I have been around wild acting girls before, and feltvery uncomfortable. I have no interest in any of the stupid and wildthings these females do. However part of me feels like I need to change. That I shouldn't view these things as red flag deal breakers, and just accept thembeing this way, like I'll eventually regret it if I don't.
There's a close family friend of mine who has told similar stories of what it was likedating when he was a teenager. He ended up changing who he was for these girls,embraced them being the way they are taking an interest in the same things, andis now married. But he said how his life would have been different if he didn'tdo that, and it seems a part of him is curious/regrets changing himself.
This whole thing has me conflicted. Should I just accept females being this way, and ignore what I see as red flags? Or should I continue to think like I have been
Never ignore red flags or women you don't think would be good for you or make you uncomfortable. It's better to be single than in a relationship that's not good for you or makes you uncomfortable.
If all you are finding are party girls (essentially), it might be where you are looking for women. Quiet women who aren't into drinking, smoking, and partying are going to be other places. Where kind of depends a lot on where you live I'd imagine. Are there any activities you enjoy that more down to earth girls might also be participating in? For example (and this is just an example), if you like mountain biking, is there a mountain biking club for older teens/20-somethings in your area (that sort of thing). I am not saying go there and date the women you find, but go there and make friends and expand your social circle and it may lead to finding women who are more like you.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,127,524 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ForkInTheRoad99
The girls I meet are always really wild. Usually they're into drinking, smoking,excessive tattoos/piercings, among other things. Then the one's who don't seemto like that stuff are just hiding it. I see those things as red flags, andthink they'll carry over into actual adulthood. I'm 19 and see any girls drinking underage as a red flag especially when they're already behaving like alcoholics, and with smoking it's just a really reckless thing to do especially when the teen smoking rates are at record lows. It's like this everywhere in myarea too, whether it's girls at school, or random. Doesn't help that I live ina small area where all the females seem to be connected somehow.
They're young and partying. 95% of people grow out of it, most by early 20s. Some don't, but its a minority.
I didn't drink in undergrad (until late senior year), and I never smoked, and yeah, it meant I was a social outcast for the most part. That was frustrating, but it wasn't my scene. It is, what it is.
One of my red flags is guys who insist on calling women 'females.'
Most of them won't "get worse" because people do party in college to get it out of their system. At your age you are bound to find someone you like eventually, as long as you put yourself out there and don't frequent places most 'partiers' go, like jillabean said.
I'm sorry to have bothered anyone by using the word "females" like I did. No offence or attempt to dehumanize anyone was intended by it.
The college I attend is pretty much my only option, and I'm happy with it. It's a nice school with good staff, and I've met some great people there. Leaving to go to a far away expensive school in a place I'm not familiar with is a scary thought. I know people who have transferred and immediately regretted it.
In the small town I live in there really aren't many places to meet girls. There's school, a small social group, and aside from that there are very few places you can meet anyone. The other places aren't really where you'd imagine wild party crowd people to hang around at, but they do.
I've tried those other places and have meet a handful of people that way. There was one nice guy and his daughter I talked to for awhile, and the other people I meet were very wild and made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Don't want to go too much into detail, but it takes a lot to make me feel awkward, and these people got me feeling that way almost immediately. Living in a small town always makes me fearful of running into the wild acting people I've meet at those places, and seeing how those are basically the only types I'll meet has discouraged me from even trying.
I've found that while you can't control the actions of other people, you can control who you spend your time with and where you spend it. Find yourself surrounded by wild girls? Leave the scene if you're not feeling it. jillabean has good advice on participating in non-party activities. I also live in a small town and there is a big university here with a massive party scene, but my circle of friends and I don't participate. Many people don't You will find your niche, good luck!
OP, your friend changed himself, and married one of the wild party girls? Is he happily married?
I wouldn't change your values. Maybe you need to consider moving to a more populated area, where there's a variety of types. Or maybe you need to figure out where to find the more quiet, intellectual types; check poetry/writing workshops, language clubs, any kind of geek scene (it may be small, but it's probably there, somewhere), music clubs including classical (go to some recitals, if you know of any), see who's volunteering at your local Habitat For Humanity and other charitable organizations, that kind of thing. Take a photography class. Do something a little outside the box.
Most guys who say "all the girls at my school are into partying" are wrong. They just don't know where to find the non-party types.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-21-2015 at 05:57 PM..
It sounds like you need a change of location, not personality.
Can you attend college in another town where there are better educated people who know how to act??
My thoughts exactly!!!!!!! Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders!!!!!! Don't change.
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You will find your niche, good luck!
