Quote:
Originally Posted by LaceyTangerine
Hung up on my ex? Ugh I hope not. Definitely think I'm hung up on how I felt when things were going good between us.
UsAll, thanks for that post. I've identified a few issues.
1. He is WAY more experienced than I am and it makes me feel insecure. What kind of outgoing, popular guy goes for an admittedly sheltered girl? I'm not on his level AT ALL.
2. He's a bit older and lived and traveled. He's done things I haven't gotten to yet. I don't know if he'd postpone kids/family just so I can live a little more.
3. I want to make sure that I like him for HIM and not because my family is insistent that he is The One.
I adore my family but they are so overwhelming sometimes. It's hard to fight.
I've been ruminating HARD on this relationship and I've read the thread so many times (thanks so much everyone!) I've decided I'm going to keep seeing him. We have lots of fun and I hope that sparks/butterflies can grow.
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As to the boldfaced point above:
It is the choice of whatever number of men (often enough) to seek out women whom they perceive as "lesser than them" . . . whatever that means in each particular case. Each single man that does this may or may not even be thinking about it or not in those words at the very forefront of their minds but is something they rather do subconsciously. So this can, for instance, take the form of men gravitating toward women (or at least certain particular women) who are less worldly and overall experienced than them; less intellectually developed than them; less career- or livelihood-successful than them; less well-to-do socioeconomically than them; less overall sensually alluring than them; women who are leaning more toward being shy or shyer rather than being more bold, daring, cocky and self-confident; and other examples of being perceived as "lacking" in certain ways as compared to them (or at least as perceived by them in their own minds). The psychology behind their thinking may be that such a women, they think, may more lilkely look upon him and appreciate him more than a woman who "has it all" and is rather a "mirror image" of him. They think that, with such "mirror-image" women, there will be more of a sense of competitiveness, being more prone to arguments and locking of horns with one another (i.e., two strong-headed persons), and
especially less of a sense of need and true appreciation for him on the woman's part (because such a woman who matches him in every way and "has it all" can likely, in his mind, "have any man she wants" and he thinks she would be that much less inclined or driven to take him on over all other men). In other words, he wonders "What void would I fill in
her life that she would want me and truly appreciate and love me for taking her on and who would stand the test of time with me"?
So, from YOUR perspective (as you stated it), you feel lacking compared to him in terms of his greater worldliness, experience and accomplishment. And yet he "might" feel that this is actually an appealing aspect of you. That is, that he might feel that you would really be more inclined to truly appreciate and love him from the start or else come to love (over time) his qualities and what he has to offer . . . that is, that you would be more inclined to think that you got a great catch and am so very appreciative for him that you would genuinely love him in your heart of hearts (or at least this may be how such a man's thinking goes . . . at least with
some men).
As a male (now 60 years of age per this writing), I have had, or to at least a certain degree, a plethora of women over the decades whom I interacted with in varied contexts and situations in life and entertained thoughts about whether they could be someone for me AND have had a host of women over the years, here and there, who have pursued
me . . . apparently wanting me to be their man (their lover or significant other) or to outright marry them. And friends, associates or others, if they asked me
why I, in the end, ultimately didn't pursue or even turned away from particular women and yet gravitated toward others whom they (the people querying me) found more "lacking" than that other woman or women whom they thought of as "winners", I would say to them: "The women whom I found more appealing for
me looked up to me and idealized me more than these other women. They had an emptiness or gap in themselves that they deemed that I filled for them and had more a sense of true appreciation of and need for me". Now, that doesn't mean that I took
all of the more "lacking" women on (there were varied broken hearts left behind)-- for various ones of them just lacked too too much in varied ways compared to me (too too intellectually non-developed and simple, too too unattractive or unappealing in a sensual sense, some of them had too deeply-seated mental or psychological problems or problems of psychological & social development, and so on). Yet as long as they had
some thing(s) going for them and we somehow
complemented each other in a desirable way, I found them
more appealing to me than the "other" women who actually or seemingly had
everything going for them. The "more lacking" women seemed that they'd be more devoted to and loving of me and more truly appreciative of me and my special qualities and aspects. In other words, they had
vulnerability (i.e., they had as much to lose as I did . . . if not even
more so than I did, or at least in some cases) and, in varied cases of particular women in mind, this was actually
appealing to me about them.
Just offering up these thoughts for what they are worth (if anything).
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