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So, again, to get this straight: you are saying that it's okay for women to have everything equal career-wise, but to still sit back and do nothing in dating.
It's crazy that women are so different, but, yet, appear to have such similar opinions on things.
If the women you are pursuing are doing nothing in regards to dating, then they aren't interested in you. When done right, courtship and dating is a dance. It might be more common that the man might ask for the dance, but the woman dances too. If she just stands there like a bump on a log, it's not a dance and it's time for the man to move on to a partner interested in dancing with him.
Traditionally, the male was the aggressor, the pursuer. The male was expected to initiate, and in so doing, to assume the greater risk. But his "reward" in a patriarchal society (for example, before 1920) was unequal privilege under the law, in marriage, in inheritance, in public life. Women were the dainty flowers, the Victorian angels, largely shunted aside from the world of careers, business, formal education and so many other human pursuits. Gender equality has largely (but perhaps not entirely, at least not yet) equalized gender roles in politics, business and education. Does it not stand to reason that gender equality should also apply to dating and relationships?
In other words, I fail to understand how we can have true gender equality in essentially ALL spheres of life except for romance. Why should romance be accorded special exemption?
In a truly equal society, women would approach men and initiate contact at the same frequency as vice versa. Women would hold doors open for men just as often as vice versa. And so forth.
If however we retain distinct masculine and feminine roles in romance, how can this be consistent with gender equality?
There is actually an escape from this conundrum. It's in Plato's Republic... with some interesting consequences.
Dainty Victorian flowers were rare and exclusive to the upper classes. Common peasant women didn't live the life of a hot house orchid. Pioneer women who helped settle North America were anything but delicate.
But that was then. This is now. Life is easier now but men are still competing with other men for a good woman. I don't get why women are being held responsible for the behavior of men.
This discussion about gender equality has somehow avoided the most obvious difference between the sexes: pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding and child rearing. One could argue that after providing their sperm, men sit back and do nothing while women do all the hard work of raising the next generation.
There is no such thing as gender equality.
There will never be gender equality because men and woman are different . I just wish some woman will just admit that there things woman cant as well as a man can as a man and there are things woman can do better than men.
Why does this pop up. I mean its obviously this forum is half way traditionalist all the way.
Does make for some good or bad depending on you look at it discussion.
As for topic I guess if we are going by some cartoonish exaggeration to the point we are not even talking human beings anymore this is just a personal world view toss.
If the women you are pursuing are doing nothing in regards to dating, then they aren't interested in you. When done right, courtship and dating is a dance. It might be more common that the man might ask for the dance, but the woman dances too. If she just stands there like a bump on a log, it's not a dance and it's time for the man to move on to a partner interested in dancing with him.
your on fire to day LOL
All I want to add it how many woman do you know ever propose to a guy ? It is the guys job to hunt for a woman but that is just me.
If the women you are pursuing are doing nothing in regards to dating, then they aren't interested in you. When done right, courtship and dating is a dance. It might be more common that the man might ask for the dance, but the woman dances too. If she just stands there like a bump on a log, it's not a dance and it's time for the man to move on to a partner interested in dancing with him.
That's a really nice analogy, jillabean. I hadn't thought of it that way before. Well said.
Not-so-friendly reminder: the thread is about the original question, dealing with guys who have lived a while and never had success with females. There are plenty of other threads for discussing anything else.
The only thing I've personally found valuable in the recent batch of pages is the insinuation that males are growing up with a fear of being burned in relationships. I guess I did, and I think that fuels both passivity and pickiness.
If the women you are pursuing are doing nothing in regards to dating, then they aren't interested in you. When done right, courtship and dating is a dance. It might be more common that the man might ask for the dance, but the woman dances too. If she just stands there like a bump on a log, it's not a dance and it's time for the man to move on to a partner interested in dancing with him.
This is not my experience at all. In my experience, they just sit back and wait for me to call first, wait for me to set up the date, etc. They are interested (according to their friends and our mutual friends) and want me to put in all of the work.
If I don't call, instead of calling me, they get mad at me for not calling. This has happened to me more times than not.
In fact, I used to think that them not initiating anything meant that they didn't like me. With experience, I've found this to be completely untrue.
The women that ARE persistent and make the first move on me tend to be ones that I would have no interest in dating (not necessarily because of their looks, more due to their personalities and life circumstances).
First of all, calling a man who doesn't date a maladjusted loser isn't cool at all. Some men aren't interested in women, some men don't want to meet women, and some men aren't interested in wining and dining a woman. To each their own. Are they hurting you? Are they bothering you? If not, quit judging these guys and worry about your own relationships aka mind your business.
You gotta do work and put the effort in to get anywhere with women. they won't come to you...blessing and a curse but is what it is at any rate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27
Disagree. Women do approach, it's happened to me. It takes two.
I concur with 49ersfan27. That is, speaking from personal experience, even I -- who never quite thought of myself as a ladies' man whom all the women naturally gravitate towards . . . and even considering the old saying which says that women don't pursue men but wait for the men to make all or nearly all the definitive moves -- have had varied women of varied types over the decades of my life thus far pursue me. That is, they sought me out, made it plain or plain enough to me that they had interest in or attraction to me, kept calling me or dropping by or emailing or texting me or making themselves come across my path intentionally in the world out there. They variably sought dating or romantic relationships and/or sexual or affectional relations with me and some even talked marriage with me. Some cried (wept or sobbed) over me or otherwise became rather emotional. In short, they each clearly wanted me to be their man or to marry them or to at least be their love interest. And I haven't always been so impressive as to my career or liveilihood or living circumstances over the entire course of time or even as to my looks or appearance (i.e., I can, if I attend to the details and maintain my appearance at all times, be perceived as an attractive-enough man) and yet, despite these real or apparent shortcomings, there have been a collection of female pursuants in my life of 60 years to-date.
So UrbanAdverturer, sometimes women (or at least some women) do take it upon themselves to come to men rather than waiting for a man to make all the moves. Of all the women that have done so with me over the decades, there were those that were attractive and desirable (as to appearance, personality, et al), then those who were middling in this regard, and then a goodly number of others who were quite lower on the appeal scale and varied women who even had psychological or maturational problems or neurologic/psychiatric issues (e.g., schizophrenic or paranoid schizophrenic) or varied health challenges (e.g., being rather-obese to morbidly-obese) or other issues that made them not the most desirable or even not desirable at all. Yet I was at least civil and good-mannered (re: nice) with all of them or tried to be as best as I could ... even the less-desired or outright undesired ones. I try to be sensitive to another person's humanity ... as best as is possible when someone has invested herself in you and apparently wants you so very much to become the other half of her.
And it has happened (often times) even when I myself am not even trying to attract any woman nor intentionally going out to meet and connect with women. I even shared one example of this in a C-D Relationships posting I made on 8-18-2014 (posting # 210) in a thread titled "I Very Rarely See Men Making a Successful Approach on a Woman" that happened with a woman who pursued me maybe one week or less before that posting of mine.
The overarching point of my posting is that I am sure that my varied experiences with females being the pursuers of me over the decades of my life thus far are not unique to me but rather that often enough, fenales of varied types and classes find it in themselves to pursue males and not just so-called "alpha males" but also sometimes males who rank lesser in the social and attractiveness pecking order.
Last edited by UsAll; 01-27-2015 at 11:38 PM..
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