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Hey everyone, I'm a 21 year old college student who has a date for Valentine's Day. I'm not sure what to expect as I want something serious eventually and this guy is giving me mixed signals. Should I even go on this date?
This is the situation. Back in the day I did a lot of online dating, he and I connected through OkCupid last summer and had a pleasant conversation about his studies for the bar exam (he's not a lawyer) and my last year of college as an undergrad. He asked me out for drinks, but I was going through a tough time after the death of a family member and wasn't in the area. At the same time I was talking to another guy on OKC and he and I ended up dating, so the plans with guy #1 fell through. He continued talking to me occasionally and we became friends on FB. He got back in touch with me a couple of months later, when guy #2 and I broke up. By this time he had relocated to NYC for a job, but said that I was free to visit if I was ever in the area, and that we could go out for dinner or drinks.
We continued talking and he told me how he's been wanting to date me since the summer, and that he felt ready to date now. This is what seems weird to me though, because he said while he was still in our collegetown he wasn't taking dating seriously since he was leaving, but now he's saying he wants to date me when I'm clearly still here. He said he'd do anything to make the distance work, and that he liked me, and for a while acted as though we were dating, sending me cute texts and whatnot. He was very insistent on me visiting him and spending a weekend together and even offered to pay for transportation, but at this point our conversations had become sexual so I thought that's probably all he wanted. I said no so many times, we eventually lost touch.
We seem to keep coming back to each other though, be it out of boredom or actual interest, but neither of us seems willing to make the effort to see the other (me visiting him, or he visiting me). For about 4-5 months now our communication has been choppy and on and off, and he mentions me visiting every time we get back in touch. So now, for VDay I'm supposed to be in NYC with my sister for a school project of hers, but she's bringing her girlfriend, in an attempt to not third-wheel I asked this guy out. He seemed very excited and asked me what day and that he'd take me out to dinner and drinks. He also said we could skip the romance if I wanted, to which I replied, no, let's keep it. He's been asking me if I can spend the night, but I said no mostly because my parents.
I'm just a bit confused, because through words he'll say he wants more. For example, he told me he was hoping our date would go well because he'd love to have me for himself and that he has wanted that for a while but I keep playing hard to get. That sentence almost makes it seem like he wants more but also has a strong sexual undertone so it leads me to believe having sex with me is his end goal.
I just don't want to waste my time since I'm not interested in glorified one night stands. What do you all think? Should I give him the benefit of the doubt?
When he asked about keeping the "romance", he may have been already hinting at sex. Why would you have sex with someone you barely know? Keep the date, but I'd let him know you're not a one night stand kind of woman.
You haven't even been on an actual date, yet he talks about how much he likes you???
I think he wants to want to, if you know what I mean. I wants a GF and MOST of the stuff that goes with that, and believes that (on paper) you could fill in that blank. But I don't think he really wants a GF. It's pretty clear that his comments center on his "acquisition" of you rather than actually caring for you.
Go out this Saturday if you want to, but be very careful. Get to know him and ask him point blank. Honestly, if you haven't even been motivated to get together yet, I would not mess with an LDR.
Definitely monitor your drinking and don't you dare come back here on Monday saying "one thing led to another" and you "ended up" having sex.
You haven't actually met and he is acting like you are/have been dating. The mention of romance at this stage would be a red flag. Give it some thought. The plan may not be a good one.
We seem to keep coming back to each other though, be it out of boredom...
Yeah, it's boredom. Otherwise you (both) would put in more effort and be excited about it. Don't have sex with him. He definitely wants sex to happen.
Neither of you are serious about each other.
Hello, I know it's been a while but I wanted to ask another question and give updates on the date.
So the Friday before our date I went out dancing with some friends and missed the last train home, my date offered to let me stay at his place, but he was hinting at sex. I had a conversation with him about that since I did want to sleep with him but didn't want that to be it, I wanted more. He said he wanted something more too, not just sex. Anyway, I know you all adviced me against it but I spent the night at his place and we had sex. We talked about our childhood and families and then I left early morning.
We were supposed to have dinner and drinks the next night, but I didn't want to be left stranded in the city again so I suggested we do lunch instead. It ended up working out since he got called into a meeting early afternoon for work (some important case apparently). I'm not going to lie, at first I thought he was making that up to cancel our date since he had already slept with me, but we did go out for lunch and talked and took a walk around NYC.
He's been keeping in touch ever since, we text daily, mostly in the evening when we're both done with our days. He said he was planning on coming up in April and asked if we could get together and if he could possibly stay with me. I drunkenly asked him if he liked me the other day and he replied that he did and asked why I was asking, I told him that I liked him too and he replied saying that was a good thing and that he hoped he could see me before April.
I'm inclined to believe this is going well, but I'm not sure. I've been dating other people, but I'm wondering if I should continue or try something exclusive with this guy (meaning bring up the conversation). What do you guys think?
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