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OK, so I met my girlfriend through the circle of friends I found shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. When we first met she was snarky and sarcastic but funny and sweet. We're both slightly curmudgeonly so we stay in most nights that we're together and really enjoy each other's company, but when we go out with friends she's becoming increasingly butthole-ish. She'll make really rude remarks about me, even if I'm not in the room and act like it's just fun ribbing. Sometimes the remarks are very personal and make me quite angry. I've talked to her about it and at first she feigned ignorance, like she didn't realize she was even doing it, but eventually she relented and agreed to stop doing it. But she hasn't stopped. Some of our friends have even commented on it, pointing out that it makes people uncomfortable, but she just keeps doing it.
I would probably just break up with her, but my friends are her friends and I really don't want to have to make new friends. She works with several of them at her day job and collaborates with almost all of them(in one capacity or another) through her band and she's known them for a lot longer. My only other group of friends are nerds that I play Magic:the Gathering with and I don't have much fun with them when we're not playing/talking Magic.
OK, so I met my girlfriend through the circle of friends I found shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. When we first met she was snarky and sarcastic but funny and sweet. We're both slightly curmudgeonly so we stay in most nights that we're together and really enjoy each other's company, but when we go out with friends she's becoming increasingly butthole-ish. She'll make really rude remarks about me, even if I'm not in the room and act like it's just fun ribbing. Sometimes the remarks are very personal and make me quite angry. I've talked to her about it and at first she feigned ignorance, like she didn't realize she was even doing it, but eventually she relented and agreed to stop doing it. But she hasn't stopped. Some of our friends have even commented on it, pointing out that it makes people uncomfortable, but she just keeps doing it.
I would probably just break up with her, but my friends are her friends and I really don't want to have to make new friends. She works with several of them at her day job and collaborates with almost all of them(in one capacity or another) through her band and she's known them for a lot longer. My only other group of friends are nerds that I play Magic:the Gathering with and I don't have much fun with them when we're not playing/talking Magic.
What should I do?
It's funny how that which initially attracts us often ends up repelling us.
I say be true to yourself. Put your foot down.
You may also find out who your real friends are in this situation.
OK, so I met my girlfriend through the circle of friends I found shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. When we first met she was snarky and sarcastic but funny and sweet. We're both slightly curmudgeonly so we stay in most nights that we're together and really enjoy each other's company, but when we go out with friends she's becoming increasingly butthole-ish. She'll make really rude remarks about me, even if I'm not in the room and act like it's just fun ribbing. Sometimes the remarks are very personal and make me quite angry. I've talked to her about it and at first she feigned ignorance, like she didn't realize she was even doing it, but eventually she relented and agreed to stop doing it. But she hasn't stopped. Some of our friends have even commented on it, pointing out that it makes people uncomfortable, but she just keeps doing it.
I would probably just break up with her, but my friends are her friends and I really don't want to have to make new friends. She works with several of them at her day job and collaborates with almost all of them(in one capacity or another) through her band and she's known them for a lot longer. My only other group of friends are nerds that I play Magic:the Gathering with and I don't have much fun with them when we're not playing/talking Magic.
What should I do?
This why you should date not within the group because people are going take sides and it create drama.
you should break up
Talk to her about her actions again, but this time be firm with her. Let her know that her rudeness is not setting right with you or other people. Breaking up is a little extreme; especially, since there are repercussions for you that will be difficult to deal with. Try fixing this situation first before ending the relationship, if you must.
Don't see why you'd have to give up your friends. Just break it to her gently that you feel you're better off as friends. If she presses you, you might let her know that her ribbing is something you enjoy with your buddies but it doesn't spark you in a romantic relationship. That will take the sting out of any backstabbing and spite she may have had in mind for you, so she can blame herself for reassignment to the friend zone.
Do NOT stay with someone just because you worry about losing friends. She is treating you poorly. If a guy told me I was hurting his feelings with my sarcasm, I would be devastated that I had caused pain to someone I cared about. She apparently doesn't care that she's hurting you. That's not something you want in a partner. And if your friends can't be bothered to maintain a friendship with you if you're not with her, well, they're not people you can rely on. Doesn't mean they're BAD people, just means you need to build stronger relationships with other people who connect more with you.
Your girlfriend is deeply insecure/unhappy and she's taking it out on you because she knows you care about her and are invested in the relationship. That's ugly behavior on her part and she is not someone who should be trusted, especially since you've already told her to stop and she hasn't.
Leave her and let her reap the consequences of her actions.
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