*I'm sorry this is lengthy!*
I'm a 20[F] year old college student that doesn't have the best of luck meeting guys looking for a meaningful relationship. A lot of guys my age want to have one night stands and stuff. I'm also pretty shy, so because of these two things I've never been in a serious relationship. I honestly think I have bad luck meeting people or don't surround myself in the right circles of people. I'm told all the time I'm gorgeous so I don't think it has to do with my appearance.
In October 2014, I met someone online through Reddit. It was a total accident, we basically started talking through messages and then exchanged phone numbers. I'm 20 and he is 23. I live in Rhode Island and he lives in Texas. We live 2,000+ miles away but still developed a relationship anyway; it was crazy. From October to December, we talked almost every single day. We had so much in common and talking to him was so natural. He made me laugh like no one has before, and we became best friends. I began to develop really intense feelings for him as these months were passing, even though we never met in person yet. There were times when we would have 3+ hour long phone conversations, and sometimes we would leave our phones connected on our pillows and fall asleep "together." He always called when he said he would, and was an all around good friend. In December, we decided that he was going to fly to meet me in January during my time off from school.
Let's call "him" Jake.
During this time we were talking, I shared with him that I was still a virgin because I'd never met a guy that I trusted enough or knew well enough to sleep with. I've basically been looking for a steady boyfriend but had never found one. I didn't want to lose it to a one night stand, but the older I was getting the more curious I was about sex. I wanted to try it. Since at this point in my life I knew I was ready to have sex, I honestly thought I was ready to do it with Jake. The one thing that Jake made clear to me was that he wasn't the relationship type. He had been hurt in the past and lived a very spontaneous life, (his word was "transient") and he said that he lost interest easily. I thought I could change him - I was wrong. January rolled around, and Jake and I finally met. It was the most wonderful week of my life, and we basically played house all week and stayed in bed eating, snuggling, and talking, and having sex. Jake never made me feel not special. He told me he hadn't felt this way in forever about a girl, and that I was beautiful and perfect. He was shocked that I had never had a boyfriend.
After Jake left, the first two weeks were pretty normal. We continued talking everyday and I was generally happy with him. By Valentines day however, we had been starting to fight a lot over stupid things. Last Monday we got into an argument because I called him in the library and he couldn't hear me. He cursed at me over the phone and I hung up on him. We called each other back and we began to fight more and he said that I don't respect him. I began to apologize and he told me I wasn't understanding his point. He began to tell me that he's tired of "telling me all of his problems for me" and "pulling my weight in the relationship."
Since this argument he refused to answer my phone calls. I sent him long text messages that I later found out he never read. He referred to my personal life information as "baggage." He told me that he cares more about being respected than saving the relationship. After a few days of not talking, he tried to tell me that he only wanted me to send him sexy pictures and have phone sex. He said he wasn't going to pursue the emotional aspect of our relationship anymore. I apologized multiple times, but he kept telling me that's "not solving the issue." He basically shut down and started to tell me he "was losing interest" because I was "leeching." I'm at a complete loss and feel like the person I'm talking to now is a different person than who I once knew. He won't even pick up the phone. I lost my virginity to him
I told him that I couldn't cry over him anymore and I texted him "goodbye<3" and he texted me "goodbye<3" back. It's really over and I'm devastated. What happened? I feel like I have no answers. I feel like he never cared.
I don't understand how someone could be someones best friend and then just disappear. To not even owe me a phone call goodbye is the saddest and sharpest pain I've ever felt. He knew how important my virginity was to me, it wasn't an easy decision to sleep with him. I thought about it for weeks in December. I just don't feel like I can ever trust again. I feel dead inside.
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