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...do you cut them out of your life once things start getting serious with your SO?
This is a dilemma I've been faced with more than once. Some of my closest platonic friends are women and they mean a lot to me. However, when I start to get serious about a girl, this seems to pose an issue not only with my own conscience, but with some of the women I have been with.
Now, the only reason I feel conscientious about it is because I try to empathize with the girl I'm with. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable with the idea of me having close female friends. It's certainly not because anything inappropriate happens when I with my female friends. And there have been times that the girl I'm seeing has been uncomfortable with it as well and it has driven a wedge between us.
It really sucks, because if I did potentially cut ties with these female friends and it didn't work out with the girl I was pursuing, it could potentially leave a pretty significant gap in my group of friends. I mean, really good friends are hard to come by, and some of these female friends I consider to be like family to me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Absolutely not. Great way to lose friends and I wouldn't date a woman that pressured me to do such a thing, just as I wouldn't pressure her to not hang with her guy friends. That's idiotic.
Any issues that might be there are usually cured by everyone hanging out together anyway.
Absolutely not. Great way to lose friends and I wouldn't date a woman that pressured me to do such a thing, just as I wouldn't pressure her to not hang with her guy friends. That's idiotic.
Any issues that might be there are usually cured by everyone hanging out together anyway.
I agree. However, what are some thoughts on one-on-one activities with those friends of the opposite sex? Like if I were to go visit a close friend out of state or go out to have drinks, etc. Are these things I should be hesitant or feel guilty about? What are some good policies for handling this type of situation, in terms of communicating with your SO so that they feel comfortable?
I agree. However, what are some thoughts on one-on-one activities with those friends of the opposite sex? Like if I were to go visit a close friend out of state or go out to have drinks, etc. Are these things I should be hesitant or feel guilty about? What are some good policies for handling this type of situation, in terms of communicating with your SO so that they feel comfortable?
Tell your SO that you are going to hang out with your friend. If she flips out, find another SO.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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A friend is a friend, not matter the gender. Should be a total non issue and I tend to date people for who it is a non issue. I can't imagine any woman I date putting up with my crap for a second if I whined (or expressed concern) for her hanging out with a friend that happened to be male. I don't think I'd respect her if she did put up with it.
If your relationship turns serious I think it would help if your GF met the friends. For myself personally, I would have an "open door" policy, if me and an opposite sex friends are going to do something... my husband would always be welcome to come, but I've always been married to reasonable men who don't really care.
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Most of my female friends are married anyway. The only thing I do that I need to stop is talking to a childhood friend over FB messages and text. My girlfriend knows about it and I let her read the conversations.
Sometimes she gets pretty flirty, and she said she had a crush on me since grade school. I always liked her too but I was to awkward to do anything about it. She's very attractive and owns her own business. She's engagaed but is always sending me messages. I just respond, never start.
I've known her my entire life so I really don't want to do the no contact thing or tell her to leave me alone. She's a good person and I'm not leading her on or anything. She seems excited about getting married so maybe she's just being social. I never thought or talked to her from 23 to 29, then she randomly added me on FB and contacts me all the time.
If your relationship turns serious I think it would help if your GF met the friends. For myself personally, I would have an "open door" policy, if me and an opposite sex friends are going to do something... my husband would always be welcome to come, but I've always been married to reasonable men who don't really care.
I agree with her meeting them, and she would eventually. I've been making it a goal to have her meet my circle of friends over the past couple weeks, many who happen to be women. But I have not really hung out with these women one-on-one since I met this new girl, mostly because I've been spending more time with the new girl.
In one particular instance, I'm planning on visiting my friend who is travelling to SoCal for business (free hotel room and warm weather; c'mon now, I can't pass this up!). She is currently living out of state, so she hasn't had an opportunity to meet this girl I've been seeing since December. But definitely at some point, she would meet this girl when she's back in town.
If you don't have any female friends, they will think something is wrong with you or you're a weirdo.
If you have female friends, they will think you are banging them behind her back and never trust them.
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