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When I joined Meetup.com groups 9 years ago I joined as I was single and the friends I had were toxic so I wanted to make new friends with common interests. 2 other guys joined at the same time as me and they were both were divorced looking for new friends as their friendships had drifted when they were married.
I get mixed messages from what people use Meetup groups for. There are some guys who are oddballs and would just go to bar meetups to meet women. Most of the women are divorced and come across as disgusted when a man wants to talk to them. One guy I know is in over 150 groups and has been rejected countless times, it must be at least 60. He forgets people talk and he has a bad reputation now as he just asks anyone out so he clearly he just trying to go to bed with them.
I just wondered what people's motives are for joining, particularly men if they join for friendships or dating?
When I joined Meetup.com groups 9 years ago I joined as I was single and the friends I had were toxic so I wanted to make new friends with common interests. 2 other guys joined at the same time as me and they were both were divorced looking for new friends as their friendships had drifted when they were married.
I get mixed messages from what people use Meetup groups for. There are some guys who are oddballs and would just go to bar meetups to meet women. Most of the women are divorced and come across as disgusted when a man wants to talk to them. One guy I know is in over 150 groups and has been rejected countless times, it must be at least 60. He forgets people talk and he has a bad reputation now as he just asks anyone out so he clearly he just trying to go to bed with them.
I just wondered what people's motives are for joining, particularly men if they join for friendships or dating?
There are Meetups for singles. The women there would be more open to meeting the men, obviously. But sometimes match-ups happen spontaneously at the "regular" Meetups, too.
When I joined Meetup.com groups 9 years ago I joined as I was single and the friends I had were toxic so I wanted to make new friends with common interests. 2 other guys joined at the same time as me and they were both were divorced looking for new friends as their friendships had drifted when they were married.
I get mixed messages from what people use Meetup groups for. There are some guys who are oddballs and would just go to bar meetups to meet women. Most of the women are divorced and come across as disgusted when a man wants to talk to them. One guy I know is in over 150 groups and has been rejected countless times, it must be at least 60. He forgets people talk and he has a bad reputation now as he just asks anyone out so he clearly he just trying to go to bed with them.
I just wondered what people's motives are for joining, particularly men if they join for friendships or dating?
Funny you bring this up. I've been in Meetup for years. Probably since 2010. Though there are Meetups that cater to specific interests: Movie night, board game night, outdoors, hiking groups, so on and so on.
Also, the <name of city> social club. (These may as well be for singles)
Then there are those actually labeled with the "singles" moniker ie - "Boston area singles meetup"
One day I was on a hike at a hiking outdoors meetup. A woman there asked me "Hey, ever noticed that most of people that go to Meetups...are single?"
I was like "Yeah, I had noticed that"
So it would seem no matter what the hobby or interest that the Meetup caters to, there's always singles in them. Sure, you'll get the token married couple once in a while, but they get a little awkward about it and stop going.
Funny you mention the numerous groups some peoplejoin. This could go for men and women. I've noticed the more they join, the less likely they are to attend in person.
Meetup has become a revolving door of people coming and going, so it's hard to find regulars that sticka round....that said, it's hard to form any kind of bond with someone there.
SO it's like , you better get her number or you'll never see her again! LOL
I just joined meetup and in order to avoid this issue, I've joined female only groups. I recently moved and just want to meet new people in the area without pressure and having to think someone might have an ulterior motive. I'm sure eventually I'll join the co-ed groups but for now I'm perfectly happy with going to a few dinners and happy hours with just the girls.
When I joined Meetup.com groups 9 years ago I joined as I was single and the friends I had were toxic so I wanted to make new friends with common interests. 2 other guys joined at the same time as me and they were both were divorced looking for new friends as their friendships had drifted when they were married.
I get mixed messages from what people use Meetup groups for. There are some guys who are oddballs and would just go to bar meetups to meet women. Most of the women are divorced and come across as disgusted when a man wants to talk to them. One guy I know is in over 150 groups and has been rejected countless times, it must be at least 60. He forgets people talk and he has a bad reputation now as he just asks anyone out so he clearly he just trying to go to bed with them.
I just wondered what people's motives are for joining, particularly men if they join for friendships or dating?
Most of the organizers that I know for groups that are not specifically about dating or singles would kick a man like that out of their group. The organizers want women to feel free to join and participate without worrying about someone like him turning a hike, bike ride, volunteer event, or other focused outing into an attempt at speed-dating and turning women off from the group. Likewise, if someone joins a group and starts messaging women like it's match.com or another dating site, they will ban him. They will kick out or ban women, too, as they don't want the men in the group to have to worry about scammers and prostitutes trying to solicit them.
If the group is about dating or about socializing, that's another story of course.
I cannot speak for most people, but I have moved around the USA fairly often, so I join to get out and meet people when I move to a new city and also get to know the new city. Sometimes friendships develop and people start getting together and having parties outside the group, and that is fine, but I do not do it to find dates or meet men specifically.
Most of the organizers that I know for groups that are not specifically about dating or singles would kick a man like that out of their group. The organizers want women to feel free to join and participate without worrying about someone like him turning a hike, bike ride, volunteer event, or other focused outing into an attempt at speed-dating and turning women off from the group. Likewise, if someone joins a group and starts messaging women like it's match.com or another dating site, they will ban him. They will kick out or ban women, too, as they don't want the men in the group to have to worry about scammers and prostitutes trying to solicit them.
If the group is about dating or about socializing, that's another story of course.
I cannot speak for most people, but I have moved around the USA fairly often, so I join to get out and meet people when I move to a new city and also get to know the new city. Sometimes friendships develop and people start getting together and having parties outside the group, and that is fine, but I do not do it to find dates or meet men specifically.
Yes, I join Meetups related to specific activities, because I want to do the activity-- soccer, meditation, biking, hiking, exploration, climbing, whatever-- more than because I'm hoping to "meet" anyone, for friendship or otherwise. I found it a great way to learn a new place because you can explore without worrying about where to go or getting lost-- someone else takes care of all the planning for you (in fact, I always recommend this to people moving somewhere new). You might make friends in the group, especially if you see all the same people all the time and get to know each other, but you don't have to if you don't want to because that's not the point of it.
I think meetup is an open-ended venue where anything can happen, but sometimes nothing does. It's all how you process it, and how much effort you want to put in it.
I'm happy meetup is springing back to life post-pandemic, though it's getting a cautious start. Some of my groups (actually one of the best ones) is still Zoom- based and they haven't gone full-bore back into in-person meetups yet.
Some groups have explicit policies on "this is not a singles dating group" and if you can read and understand that, you're golden. But your employer also has a written policy on 'no dating co-workers, superiors and subordinates and customers and suppliers" but people do it anyway.
If you DONT WANT someone to ask you for your phone number or your Instagram or your Facebook - the same as if you were riding the bus and some rando asked you for your number: say "uhhh, no thanks - I'm not single or dating"
We agree its not the Bus companies fault or responsibility to protect you from the Horny or the Hopeful. You just learn to tell them Get Lost like you were any other latter-teen or adult in a public venue like a Food Court or in line at the DMV.
Friendship or Dating, both or neither - that's all on you to decide.
I just joined meetup and in order to avoid this issue, I've joined female only groups. I recently moved and just want to meet new people in the area without pressure and having to think someone might have an ulterior motive. I'm sure eventually I'll join the co-ed groups but for now I'm perfectly happy with going to a few dinners and happy hours with just the girls.
That's pretty much why I joined meetup. I was just looking for more guys in my area to do outdoor stuff with, and I found some success with that. My closest friends all live out of my area now, so we don't get to see each other too often. Figured it might be cool to have some other guys to chill with. I tried being friendly with some of the women in these groups, but they always put off this "leave me alone vibe", as if they were expecting me (or any of the guys) to ask them out. It seemed like me and most of the other guys picked up on that as well and these groups have effectively become 2 groups (1 for guys, 1 for girls). That's fine, maybe these women had bad experiences with men hitting on them while they're just trying to have fun. Or maybe the women in my groups just so happen to not be the friendliest people. Either way, I have no problem giving people all the space they want.
I am female and like to do outdoor activities. I don’t always like to do them alone for obvious reasons. I’ve had a lot of good luck joining meetups for that and haven’t really had any issues in the outdoor meetups with men hitting on me. I joined a generic singles group before they had that crackdown a while back and that seemed mostly like people hitting on each other. I joined another singles outdoor activity group and it was much more about finding friendships and the activities themselves that people finding anyone to date. That is not to say that there weren’t people in there who did try to date others, but they gained that reputation pretty quickly. Others ended up dating people more organically and that wasn’t ground upon as much.
I am female and like to do outdoor activities. I don’t always like to do them alone for obvious reasons. I’ve had a lot of good luck joining meetups for that and haven’t really had any issues in the outdoor meetups with men hitting on me. I joined a generic singles group before they had that crackdown a while back and that seemed mostly like people hitting on each other. I joined another singles outdoor activity group and it was much more about finding friendships and the activities themselves that people finding anyone to date. That is not to say that there weren’t people in there who did try to date others, but they gained that reputation pretty quickly. Others ended up dating people more organically and that wasn’t ground upon as much.
I was talking to one of the hikers in my group. He said that some of the Meetups tend to fizzle out, esp when people go on these hikes, meet, date, and disappear from the group. Sometimes it'll happen so much, the group winds up going inactive...esp. if it's the organizer found someone.
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I joined a generic singles group before they had that crackdown a while back and that seemed mostly like people hitting on each other.
Well, it's a "singles" group, so it's to be expected.lol Not surprising. For some reason, our singles group in our area rarely has events. Also, what do you mean by "crackdown"?
They would sometimes do it once every few months or even longer, then go dark for a while. Some have gone complete inactive. In fact, the inactive groups I tend to be inclined women via messenger that way. Gives me an excuse, "Well, they are no longer active, may as well say high to some of the newcomers"lol
One new singles group was just formed, it's been a month, with no events planned. Weird.
I've actually gotten date this way...recently with a woman last weekend. Got her digits after our first meet. ;-) She just moved to the area, so that was probably a motivator to get to know me, as she knows nobody.
So don't poo-poo it entirely.
A few years ago, I've actually exclusively dated a woman by just messaging her. She lived close. She said she joined, but never intended on going to any events anyway...so....thus us dating.
Sadly, hundreds of people join, but very little actually participate, so a lot of deadwood in those groups. Also, it's a revolving people coming and going, so it's hard to build any kind of friendships with people there.
Some people already have friendship circles outside of meetup, so don't really use it to add more friends to it. It's more of a "if I have nothing else better to do, I'll go to a Meetup event". It's more of a supplement to their social lives.
Last edited by ThisTown123; 07-20-2021 at 02:29 AM..
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