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I've been in my share of relationships, and have never had any reason to snoop. I was cheated on one time, but I didn't need to do any snooping to find out. I just ended it...figured if I wasn't good enough to keep her interest, why waste more of her time....But that's another thread.
What I am curious is why so many people find the need to snoop. Is it a lack of confidence in trusting your gut instincts? Do you need to feel the penetration of some symbolic dagger severe your heart? I just never understood it. IMO, when you are in a relationship, if it's crappy enough where you are unable to get a straight answer to serious questions...why even hold onto it? Life it too short to be kept awake wondering what your partner does behind your back.
Does snooping ever end up with less pain? Does it feel better to find nude pics of your bf or gf's new lover? Like finding texts/emails/voicemails from your partner's new interests? Im really curious, since so many said they would snoop on so many threads....
People within the parameters of a romantic relationship are entitled to the truth. If their partner does not provide them with the truth and/or is manipulating, deceiving and cheating, then the other party has a moral and ethical obligation to themselves to obtain the truth. I advise through any means necessary but for the sake of this post: through any means within the confines of the law.
There are a few reasons why a partner that is being lied to, and is a victim of cheating should work to find out the truth if and when they become suspicious.
01: Over 60% of all people within relationships (dating, engaged, married) cheat at least one time. So the likelihood that someone is cheating at any one point in time is high.
02: Nobody has the right to gain benefits from maintaining a primary relationship based on lies, deception and manipulation at the expense of the other party involved in the relationship. That is a form of fraud.
03: STDs - For one's own health, a person has a right to know if the person they are having sex with (in an assumed monogamous relationship) is also engaged in the same act with other people. Cheating and bringing a disease and/or diseases back into the primary relationship is a form of assault. It is an assault on the body of the partner that was monogamous and then has a disease due to the infidelity of the person they are with.
04: The concept of time. Time is a finite resource and once expended it cannot be reacquired. If someone (the monogamous partner) is actively investing their time, effort and resources into a relationship that is a façade and a charade due to the cheating behavior of the other party and they are doing so because they have been conned into thinking that the relationship is based on trust, intimacy and monogamy: then they by default have a right to find out if they are being used, abused and are victims of fraud perpetuated by the partner that is cheating.
To conclude. For a cheater to expect the person they are with to abstain from exercising their own rights, personal autonomy and ability to discern truth from lies is ridiculous. As human beings we have a right to access to the fundamental facts surrounding our own reality and to seek out truth when we feel we are being lied to. The cheater attempts to alter reality when he or she maintains the façade, charade and fraud that is the relationship while at the same time engaging in sexually intimate behavior with others.
I can understand why snooping in dating leaves a sour taste in a lot of peoples mouths. Married people that snoop after being given a sign are completely understandable in my opinion. The whole "if you have to snoop the relationship is already over" is baloney in my opinion. If snooping becomes a regular occurrence over multiple relationships that you have a problem, but I've witnessed relationships where people communicated well and everything was great and then 6 months of hard times makes the weak person feel cheat. If my wife suspected me of cheating and I was coming across as vague I would hope she would snoop before giving up on the relationship.
To find out if someone is cheating.
Besides physically catching them in the act or them telling you flat out (which is difficult to do and very rare they admit it) there's no way to know.
A private investigator once told me that when someone thinks their SO is cheating, it's almost always true. He stopped taking those cases because he didn't feel right taking someone's money when he could simply tell them "Yes, if you think he's cheating, then he's cheating" at their first meeting.
There was a caveat if the suspect was over 50. In that case, they might not be cheating, they might just be sneaking around to play poker and/or smoke.
An ex-boyfriend snooped through my things once when I wasnt at home and read my journals. Total invasion of privacy. He confessed that once he started reading them he just couldn't put them down. He found them rivoting, apparantly.
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