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I would actually prefer a woman with overall a starkly negative outlook, and a profound skepticism of humanity. If, despite her outlook, she nevertheless found my company to be enjoyable and a net positive, that makes me feel special. If however she's ebulliently joyful and enjoys people in general, I'm just another fellow who happened to come along.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Well it is a nice concept when it actually works out. When it does not, it sucks. Bottom line.
What do you mean when it doesn't work out?
Sometimes you hang with someone and you don't click. Generally both parties are going to be on the same page, if you have any emotional intuition, you'll realize it.
So if you don't click you won't want to keep hanging out either and you go your own ways and hang out with other people.
I don't see how that can suck. What would suck is trying to force continuing to hang out when you're not really into each other.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
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Mod cut: Orphaned.
Women, especially in their late 30s and 40s become so much more chill and easy going, it isn't funny. If anything the issue is they just want to hang out, have sex and have fun, without it becoming serious or committed. That has been an issue when I want things to become more serious, but when I don't, its fine.
At 40, all this bald, glasses, no car, mediocre salary, average looks dude needed to do to go out and have fun with really really cute, smart, fun women, was: have a place, have a job, have some passions/interests in life, and be fun to hang with. It became that simple.
But I don't have much of a social circle. I move too much for that. It isn't necessary to date. Thanks to OLD all a guy needs to do is write a good profile, and if he wants to date, exchange a few messages and then meet some people. It's never been easier. I haven't dont it for a couple of years now, but I'm sure I will again at some point.
The overarching disconnect here is one of geography, demographics and social milieu. If I lived in the Boston or San Francisco city-core, if I didn't work 80 hour weeks, if I actually knew of unmarried people with post-secondary education (male or female, straight or gay, with kids or without, beautiful or ugly) or cultural interests, well,... if a social circle were available, then a dating circle would be forthcoming.
One farmer plants seed in topsoil. Another scatters seeds on a granite slab. The topsoil-farmer might get a good harvest, or a mediocre one. Maybe the seeds are inferior, or there was a drought. But it makes perfect sense to try again. The soil is fertile and receptive. But what about about the farmer scattering seeds on a granite slab? Should he keep trying?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
The overarching disconnect here is one of geography, demographics and social milieu. If I lived in the Boston or San Francisco city-core, if I didn't work 80 hour weeks, if I actually knew of unmarried people with post-secondary education (male or female, straight or gay, with kids or without, beautiful or ugly) or cultural interests, well,... if a social circle were available, then a dating circle would be forthcoming.
One farmer plants seed in topsoil. Another scatters seeds on a granite slab. The topsoil-farmer might get a good harvest, or a mediocre one. Maybe the seeds are inferior, or there was a drought. But it makes perfect sense to try again. The soil is fertile and receptive. But what about about the farmer scattering seeds on a granite slab? Should he keep trying?
Maybe he should quit complaining and move to somewhere where the soil is more fertile. I ended up in Indiana and Kentucky because of work. It didn't take me long to realize there was more to life than work and that having a rich social and cultural life was critical. There were times where I made these moves (out of these places) without a job lined up and I hoped for the best (and made it work), because life is too short for the alternative.
PS: a "farmer" spreading his seed on granite isn't a farmer, he's an idiot.
I don't understand this concept that some of you men have about diminished return in regards to dating. The benefit of dating is having fun. Looking at it as an investment is part of your problem. Perhaps stop reducing women to junk bonds and you'll fare better. I can understand not worrying as much about dating, but some of you appear to actively avoid it due to bitterness. One would think only a masochist would detest dating yet repeatedly post on a relationships forum.
I'm never married so nope nothing wrong with never married. In fact I generally only dated never married. However the problem many of these men encounter is being picky. Nothing wrong with only wanting never married women, another issue to bypass women their age which is why many of them fail.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,730,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving
I don't understand this concept that some of you men have about diminished return in regards to dating. The benefit of dating is having fun. Looking at it as an investment is part of your problem. Perhaps stop reducing women to junk bonds and you'll fare better. I can understand not worrying as much about dating, but some of you appear to actively avoid it due to bitterness. One would think only a masochist would detest dating yet repeatedly post on a relationships forum.
Dating takes time and money, neither which I have a big supply of. I do hang out with women as friends thank you very much. However, I'll be [Bleep.] if I keep investing emotional capital over something like dating that is destined not to work out for me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,948,491 times
Reputation: 40635
Mod cut: Orphaned.
I like calling people out on their woe is me, women suck, life sucks, this is hard crap. Yes.
I, as I stated before, was one of these idiotic depressed twenty somethings that really thought the world sucks and I lost the lottery of life, that the best chicks always hooked up with the aholes and nice dudes like me get the shaft (oh poor me, I have a good job, I treat people well, why doesn't she like me, boo hoo). That I wasn't really depressed, I just saw the world for how it really is and I was angry (and self destructive).
It took me years of friends and strangers to properly b***h slap me to get my head out of my azz and realize I was a depressed, negative, creep and I better get my sh*t together or I would either die young, die alone, or both (which times I looked forward to). I finally got helped and changed my life.
So yeah, I enjoy helping others as I was helped.
And CCL is right, for anyone that views dating as a business transaction, stop. It isn't. It never will be. There is no such thing as emotional capital because emotions aren't finite in any way. We have nearly limitless ability to love.
Dating takes time and money, neither which I have a big supply of. I do hang out with women as friends thank you very much. However, I'll be g$&damned if I keep investing emotional capital over something like dating that is destined not to work out for me.
And therein lies your problem as much as many of these guys with their attitudes....self defeating negativity.
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