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Since I have been seeing this guy for the past 2 months, I keep looking back at my previous dating experience, not to make those same mistakes, even looking back to my ex-boyfriend's time together so that I again, do not make any mistakes or move too fast into rushing into this or that.
Do you think doing this is a good thing or a bad thing?
In a way it can be good, but it can be crippling as well, because even though it's a past relationship, a different person is involved. So sometimes, you have to be natural.
You can't always go
Well last time, I did xyz, so I won't do that this time. Sure xyz may not have worked in the last relationship. But this is a totally new person you're dating, so they may not be like your ex or respond to things in the same manner.
Or saying "My ex did_____" So this guy doing it must be bad. Again, different guy, so unless it's a glaring red flag, like hints of controlling or abuse, then it's best not to try and compare 2 totally different people.
Some say don't sleep with someone on the 1st date. And that may be the case, sometimes sex on a 1st date you won't hear from your date again. But someone else may not give a crap sex happened fast and will still call you and want to continue dating you.
So different things work for different people, and you just have to be natural and keep your own principles. If the relationship bombs, it means you simply weren't a match.
Like I said,unless you or a partner exhibit glaring flaws. Controlling, Distrustful, possessive, extreme jealousy, clinginess, etc. Those are concrete things to be worked on or see as flags. Otherwise, play it by ear and act as you normally would and have always seen fit.
You made alot of threads about this guy, you seem to be very neurotic and over think things. Just date the guy and be natural. It should be fun at the start of a new relationship. If you're this suspicious at every little thing he says and does, maybe you just need to break it off.
In a way it can be good, but it can be crippling as well, because even though it's a past relationship, a different person is involved. So sometimes, you have to be natural.
You can't always go
Well last time, I did xyz, so I won't do that this time. Sure xyz may not have worked in the last relationship. But this is a totally new person you're dating, so they may not be like your ex or respond to things in the same manner.
Or saying "My ex did_____" So this guy doing it must be bad. Again, different guy, so unless it's a glaring red flag, like hints of controlling or abuse, then it's best not to try and compare 2 totally different people.
Some say don't sleep with someone on the 1st date. And that may be the case, sometimes sex on a 1st date you won't hear from your date again. But someone else may not give a crap sex happened fast and will still call you and want to continue dating you.
So different things work for different people, and you just have to be natural and keep your own principles. If the relationship bombs, it means you simply weren't a match.
Like I said,unless you or a partner exhibit glaring flaws. Controlling, Distrustful, possessive, extreme jealousy, clinginess, etc. Those are concrete things to be worked on or see as flags. Otherwise, play it by ear and act as you normally would and have always seen fit.
You made alot of threads about this guy, you seem to be very neurotic and over think things. Just date the guy and be natural. It should be fun at the start of a new relationship. If you're this suspicious at every little thing he says and does, maybe you just need to break it off.
very well said. OP you have to be who you are, not what you think you should be, or what someone else wants you to be.
now if there ate things about yourself that you want to change, for instance if the last five boyfriends you had complained about you being clingy, then perhaps that is something about yourself you need to change. or if your last few boyfriends dropped you shortly after having sex, then perhaps you are getting too intimate too soon, and you might want to slow down.
but overall dont try to change yourself completely just because the last few relationships you had ended, especially if you dont know why they ended.
Yeah, I am not going to change myself into someone I am not. But I just don't want to get hurt from doing this or that ya know? Same thing with this guy, he doesn't want to get hurt. We're both on the same plate of not wanting to be hurt. How can I not get hurt?
Yeah, I am not going to change myself into someone I am not. But I just don't want to get hurt from doing this or that ya know? Same thing with this guy, he doesn't want to get hurt. We're both on the same plate of not wanting to be hurt. How can I not get hurt?
The only guarantee of not getting hurt is to not be in a relationship. Stop trying to prevent getting hurt and just focus on your relationship. The most important things in a healthy relationship are communication, trust, and respect.
Yeah, I am not going to change myself into someone I am not. But I just don't want to get hurt from doing this or that ya know? Same thing with this guy, he doesn't want to get hurt. We're both on the same plate of not wanting to be hurt. How can I not get hurt?
first thing then is to not obsess over this relationship. just relax and take things as they come.
next recognize that every relationship is temporary in nature, regardless of what you do. people move away, die, move onto the next person, etc. once you recognize this, it is easy to get over a relationship that ends for what ever reason.
third, you need to love yourself before you can truly love someone else. too often people are looking ofr something to fulfill a need in their life. the problem is that they constantly look to other people or things to fulfill that need. and this can be damaging to relationships in a variety of ways. some people have a string of failed relationships, and they constantly move from one person to another to try and find that one person that fulfills a need. other people abuse drugs, alcohol, obsess over cars, sports, etc. again looking for that one thing that fills an hole in their life.
so love yourself first. take care of your needs first. take care of your emotions first. once you are content with yourself, you can be content with someone else.
Yeah, I am not going to change myself into someone I am not. But I just don't want to get hurt from doing this or that ya know? Same thing with this guy, he doesn't want to get hurt. We're both on the same plate of not wanting to be hurt. How can I not get hurt?
Can't really think of anyone that wants to get hurt. That's almost like stating you don't want to stop breathing.
You have no relationships and hurt from that, or you can go out and live, and part of that is experiencing hurt, problems and setbacks.
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