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Hopefully, this will not start a flame war and pissing contest, but I do have a genuine question, mostly for the more mature in terms of age audience on this forum.
I ventured back onto a dating site, and noticed several things. Men, of ALL sizes prefer lean women, and often seem to succeed in pulling them ashore, even the chubbiest of fellas. Some women, and I don't intend a sweeping generalization with this, do not seem to mind the size of a guy as much as men seem to mind the size of a woman. Especially on a dating site, where marketing matters, and the initial impression is based on a few photos and words on screen. Moreso, a woman could have all the "features" a guy is looking for, but when she packs on a few extra pounds (I'm not talking grossly and debilitatingly obese), everything else seems to fade in light of this imperfection.
I know many large, and much larger than me women in satisfying relationships, but maybe I'm just having a bad day, am I doomed for singledom because of my weight? I have already lost 30 lbs, and continue to go further, for myself, but this is a process that will take time, especially at my age.
Thoughts anyone?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-07-2015 at 02:30 PM..
Reason: Thread title changed for clarification.
The older you get the less it will matter. I put attitude, conversational skills, and zest for living above appearance. I wouldn't want a woman that weighed 400 but reasonably over weight is not a factor. I enjoy food and going out to eat so a gym rat is not someone I would be attracted to.
The older you get the less it will matter. I put attitude, conversational skills, and zest for living above appearance. I wouldn't want a woman that weighed 400 but reasonably over weight is not a factor. I enjoy food and going out to eat so a gym rat is not someone I would be attracted to.
Very true.
I'm on the average side of things. 5'3 and 125 lbs -- give or take (recently, I've started to become a couch potato ). My ex was considerably taller, almost a foot, but very, very lean. He was one of those people who could eat all day and not gain a single pound. Magical metabolism. My weight fluctuates a lot -- I've been between drifting between 110 lbs to 130 lbs since I was 14.
I've always been very self-conscious about weight. That has more to do with my upbringing and the fact that my mom used to do a lot of modelling. She was very, very critical of my weight. Put a lot of importance in physical appearance. In retrospect, I think she was just trying to build my confidence but went about it horribly. But regardless, I've grown up to be very similar in my way of thinking. I try my best to curve that behaviour but I was conditioned to judge people on their outward appearance. So I don't think I could ever date someone who was on the bigger side of things. Not because I think I'm better than anyone, but because most "bigger" individuals -- at some point -- have probably dealt with judgemental people like my mother. And having two insecure people just spells disaster. There are probably a lot of full-figured people who are perfectly at ease with their bodies, and I feel like that would also cause friction because I would either be jealous of that confidence or totally put off by it. They would also have a mother-in-law from hell
My ex and I were perfect because he was someone who didn't care for size or what he ate. He taught me to be less concerned with the things I put in my mouth. It was really great in the sense that I could be a little less worried about what I ate because he would eat anything put in front of him.
But I believe that as I get older, I'll be able to 'grow out of it', in a sense, and pay less attention to myself and others. I think my perspective will change. I will be less of what my mother bred me to be and more of who I want to be.
I put attitude, conversational skills, and zest for living above appearance.
It is difficult to even get to that point on a dating site. The deal appears to be made or broken whether they like of dislike your photos. Once that falls through, your profile is secondary, and wouldn't even be read at that point.
@Ashleyga, you make some valid points I never considered before, sort of looking at it from the other side of the spectrum. My ex-hubby came from a very shallow family. Looks were all that mattered to them, but none of their relationships were really happy. He was a bit of a rebel by marrying me, but after 25 years, I had to give way to a slender lady from Thailand, despite the fact that I was a good wife, mother, friend, responsible, warm, caring. But not slim. Now he is with someone who is slim, but they cannot have good conversations for various reasons. The entire family is happier that I am out of the picture now.
I see plenty of women that are on the pudgy side with men of all sizes....... If you're just a few pounds overweight I don't see you being confined to "singledom" as you put it. If you're bust a 100 lbs or more over weight I can see things being more of a problem.
Especially if your over 35 or so, most men in that age rage are a bit more realistic in what they expect in a woman.
I won't deny that there are a lot of men that prefer thinner, but not all, cause like I said there are plenty of larger women with men.
I'm not fat but when I was much younger dated a man who was obsessed with thinness. He would get mad if I put on weight, even though I was tiny (at this point about 5'7 and 110 pounds). Because of that I looked at those men differently. While I think anyone judging the obese like "no fatties" I am harsher on obese themselves. When I did online I had so many obese men contact me and make fun of the obese women. Did they honestly think someone like me would look at them? Having said that, my boyfriend is chubby but not obese. He could lose 20 pounds or so and this doesn't bother me. If he was obese I probably wouldn't have dated him. I'm just not attracted to much larger men. I did date a morbidly obese man (5'8 and 350 pounds)years ago and he was the worst boyfriend ever. He was a jerk and an embarrassment due to his weight and how he waddled and shook.
I'll be honest...I have never been attracted to guys who were "bigger."
Probably because of how I grew up and how I teased for my weight. I come from a family that is real big on "thick beauty." Unfortunately I came out thin and not as curvy. I'm 5'7 and weigh 115. I have always fluctuated between 115 and 125. The heaviest I have ever been 121 pounds. Gaining weight is difficult for me, as I have a high metabolism. Most of the guys I have fallen for were toned or a little on the muscular side, but even for them, I was too thin.
Part of my culture I suppose. I am pretty self conscious about my weight because it's annoying and it's difficult to find clothes to fit my waist and body type. It's best to find someone who likes you for you, and not ONLY for what you look like. There is nothing wrong with being on the bigger side as long as you are healthy and take care of yourself. I think curvy women have beautiful bodies though.
To me it's more about health. In the warmer months, I do enjoy hitting hiking trails and bike riding, so if she also likes these things it's a plus, but I'm not obsessive about it. However, I also like trying new restaurants too. As with most things, somewhere in the middle is good. To answer your question though, no I don't think you're doomed. Sure, some guys like a size 1 or 2 but I don't think they are anything close to the majority.
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). My ex was considerably taller, almost a foot, but very, very lean. He was one of those people who could eat all day and not gain a single pound. Magical metabolism. My weight fluctuates a lot -- I've been between drifting between 110 lbs to 130 lbs since I was 14. 
