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If we are married, or living together, there will be two incomes, doesn't matter if one of us has Don Trump money, or one of us is selling dime bags, eff all that nonsense.
Yup, right there with you. That seems to be some kind of sin on this forum.
It seems that the option to be a SAHM is the feminist movement's most conservative value.
I would say that the biggest factor is the cost of the facility. I used to keep the books for one of the local places, and their lease alone was $15k per month for a free-standing prime location.
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Originally Posted by lycos679
Maybe, but I think the ratios are more of a factor. I would imagine that all daycare places have to insure against the same risks, but who knows what the pricing model actually looks like.
Would you consider having your husband stay home and raise kids?
In my experience, the majority of men don't actually want to stay at home and raise the kids. I know some men who have done this - and they loved it - but I know a lot of men that enjoy what they do and don't want to give that up. My husband loves our children but has no desire to be a stay at home dad. In addition to this, as people have been saying, women HAVE to take time off work to have a baby. And if they are breastfeeding - it's even harder to go back to work soon after the baby is born. Also, to be quite honest, most women feel a different bond with their babies than the father's do. And this isn't to say that men don't love their children - but there is something about carrying a child for 9 months and giving birth that really bonds you to your baby. My friends that had to go back to work after maternity really struggled with leaving their babies for someone else to look after. Although my husband loves our children and wants to spend as much time with them as he can - it's just not the same thing. Whether it's ingrained in us from society or innate - women often feel like they need to be the primary caregivers to their children, even if they work full time.
But the real issue here is that some people are putting their desires ahead of what's best for the children and the family. So what if a SAHM really LOVES staying at home? It seems that this somehow makes her selfish and a burden on the family. It's almost as if someone has to be miserable in order for things to be "equal." Well - my husband actually likes his job. And I like staying at home with the little ones. And my husband likes me staying at home with the little ones. And my husband doesn't want to stay home with the little ones. But the most important thing to us is our little ones and creating the best life for them.
It depends. Is she using it as an excuse not to spend her formative years academically and professionally preparing for a potential career?
Love her to death, but I'll take my sister as an example. Graduated high school and worked part time bits just to kinda get by. Didn't bother with school, didn't bother finding any kind of real full-time work. At 26, she ended up marrying an MD and is sitting pretty financially. Not AT ALL a knock on her, and she's got so many other redeeming traits where I can certainly see why her husband chose to marry her and more power to both of them for being a perfect match in their eyes. However, I would say that were I in his shoes, I wouldn't have considered someone like her as an option.
I personally would not mind a woman staying home, taking care of the kids, handling chores and errands while I worked full-time. However, nothing is certain in this world and I would definitely want her to be educated and/or have some level of professional experience so that she could work should something go wrong, and I could in turn take care of the kids until we find a way to swing back.
Would you consider having your husband stay home and raise kids?
That would be ideal since my career is still in the early stages (thanks to my staying home before) and I really wish I could put 100% focus into it. Where am I going to find a man who is ok with interrupting an established career? A resume gap of 3-5 years isn't easy to recover from.
More than likely I will just not have more kids since I strongly believe they should be with a parent the first years.
Yup, right there with you. That seems to be some kind of sin on this forum.
It seems that the option to be a SAHM is the feminist movement's most conservative value.
You're making this about women vs men instead of what's best for the kids.
Kids benefit from having a parent stay home with them. That's a fact. Do you have a problem with kids having the best possible start in life?
And staying at home with the kids is the least feminist you can get. I took a lot of flack for putting my own career and aspirations on hold to look after my kids.
I've done the SAHM think before it wasn't for me. I didn't have the patience, my son drove me so crazy I almost had to take prozac. In fact everytime I do take off a significant amount of time from work to watch him, I'm often considering prozac. My mom was a SAHM for many years before she died. She told me that if she had to do it again she would never be a glorified babysitter again and she advised all of us not to, to pursue our careers. I don't look down on women who choose to stay at home. It's not for me, and I respect the women that can do it without wanting to pull their hair out. I would never be with a man who was okay with being a SAHD. Sorry, if I'm out there working hard hustling I'll be d**** if my man is at home with the kids, he needs to be out working too. Perhaps that's cold, but I want a man and a man for me is someone who can provide, protect, and lead. I wouldn't be able to respect him if he wasn't working and making money.
I do think kids need a parent at home, but realistically that isn't always possible and I know so many children that didn't have that style growing up and they grew up just fine.
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