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I've just ended a relationship of 8 years for the reasons listed in the above thread. While it's way too soon for me to start dating another man, I am considering it in near future, when I've had enough time to gather myself and get used to the idea my ex won't be around anymore. You get used to people after 8 years, so it's not so easy to just forget. To be clear: I haven't left my BF for this new man, but rather, I've been considering leaving my BF for a good while now (again, based on the reasons listed in the above thread) and the new man happened to appear in my life at this very time. But I am willing to move on, either way.
If and when I am ready to date him, should I disclose to him the fact that I've recently ended an 8-year long relationship? I've been advised that it's best not to, the reason being that I shouldn't make the new man feel as if he were a "second choice" to me. That is absolutely not how I see him. I like to be honest with my partner, so I simply believe he should know about my situation. Doesn't he deserve to? I will also probably take things very slowly with him, and he may be curious to know why. That's another reason why I believe he should know the truth.
He has indicated to me that he's interested in starting to date me now, but I am not yet 100% ready and need some time before I can do it. He will eventually deserve an explanation about why it takes me so long to go out on a date with him, or else he'll think I'm just teasing him by pretending I'm interested in him also. I am genuinely interested in him. Why can't I just indicate to him that it may take me some time because of my situation? That's just being HONEST.
Is that a good or bad idea? Any advice and opinions are appreciated, as always.
You absolutely should not date until you have totally put the past behind you and healed/moved on, and to me it doesn't sound like you're ready yet. When the time comes you must of course tell him...what would you do when the subject came up, lie? Please don't try to "reserve" him for the time you are ready to date though, by giving him just enough hope to wait around. Tell him right now that you just got out of an 8-year relationship and aren't ready to date anytime soon. You want the next relationship to last, so it must start with integrity.
I'm confused. You met this new guy while you were still in your relationship - and the new guy wants to date you. How does he not already know about your 8 year relationship?
Nothing screams "red flag" like blurting out "I JUST GOT OUT OF A LTR AND I'M NOT READY FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS".
Mention it only if it comes up. It's not really customary to discuss these things on a first date, and most people aren't going to propose on the first date... take it as it comes.
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