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I recently started dating someone who I have known as a friend before we started dating. I am 55 and she is 40. In the past, I have dated much younger women and she knows that. It used to be a joke with her until we started seeing each other. My problem is this chick constantly accuses me of being unfathful, and I am not. She constantly busts my chops about my "twenty somethings" as she calls them. She has mentioned the fact she thinks I lead two lives...ours together and another she knows nothing about when I am at work in the city.
I am doing nothing wrong. I work/commute 10-14 hrs a day and if not working/commuting, I am with her. She goes thru my phone at night looking at calls, texts and pics and if she finds something that interests/bothers her, she will flat ask about it. She thinks it's wierd that 20-30 yo women like/relate to me moreso than women my age and it is obvious she feels threatened. She has no reason and I have told her this.
She works with her ex boyfriend and I say nothing about it. I know she still has feelings for him because he dumped her and she was devastated because she talked to me about it before we dated. I strongly suspect if he wanted to give it another try she would dump me in a second, because he is her "dream guy" and I know I am not. She works late and I don't question it. I work late and she accuses me of being out with another woman.
I have never given this chick any reason not to trust me and I have never been doubted in any other relationship I have been in. If I am with someone I am with them and I am not a cheater. If I am tired of someone or it's not working, I make it known and leave the relationship.
I am not quite sure how to deal with this situation. It seems like the more I do to make it better the worse it gets. I have cut ties with my younger women friends and it still isn't good enough. I have never left a relationship because I wasn't trusted, but I am considering it. Someone suggested SHE is doing something wrong and is accusing me to throw suspicion off herself. I doubt this, as she is the kind of woman who I would think would tell me just to get lost.
Have you ever been thru this and what did you do or what was the outcome?
I recently started dating someone who I have known as a friend before we started dating. I am 55 and she is 40. In the past, I have dated much younger women and she knows that. It used to be a joke with her until we started seeing each other. My problem is this chick constantly accuses me of being unfathful, and I am not. She constantly busts my chops about my "twenty somethings" as she calls them. She has mentioned the fact she thinks I lead two lives...ours together and another she knows nothing about when I am at work in the city.
I am doing nothing wrong. I work/commute 10-14 hrs a day and if not working/commuting, I am with her. She goes thru my phone at night looking at calls, texts and pics and if she finds something that interests/bothers her, she will flat ask about it. She thinks it's wierd that 20-30 yo women like/relate to me moreso than women my age and it is obvious she feels threatened. She has no reason and I have told her this.
She works with her ex boyfriend and I say nothing about it. I know she still has feelings for him because he dumped her and she was devastated because she talked to me about it before we dated. I strongly suspect if he wanted to give it another try she would dump me in a second, because he is her "dream guy" and I know I am not. She works late and I don't question it. I work late and she accuses me of being out with another woman.
I have never given this chick any reason not to trust me and I have never been doubted in any other relationship I have been in. If I am with someone I am with them and I am not a cheater. If I am tired of someone or it's not working, I make it known and leave the relationship.
I am not quite sure how to deal with this situation. It seems like the more I do to make it better the worse it gets. I have cut ties with my younger women friends and it still isn't good enough. I have never left a relationship because I wasn't trusted, but I am considering it. Someone suggested SHE is doing something wrong and is accusing me to throw suspicion off herself. I doubt this, as she is the kind of woman who I would think would tell me just to get lost.
Have you ever been thru this and what did you do or what was the outcome?
People like THAT have personal issues. They should not be dating YET in the first place if they have that kind of mindset
I left someone like that and don't regret it one bit. From what I heard since I left this person she hasn't found a boyfriend in the longest because of this.
If there is no trust in the relationship from both of you guys then its better you leave her because without her trusting your relationship will die and be bad in the long run.
OP....you said... "I have never given this chick any reason not to trust me and I have never been doubted in any other relationship I have been in. If I am with someone I am with them and I am not a cheater. If I am tired of someone or it's not working, I make it known and leave the relationship."
As long as you know that you are not doing anything to provoke this kind of behavior in her, that is the main thing. The fact that you have not and will not cheat on anyone you are in a serious relationship with is great.
I can tell you this....it is likely this woman had trust issues before you and her became a couple. There is probably nothing you can do to change that. She needs help with a therapist. She has convinced herself that you are not being faithful. It sounds like you have done and are doing all you can to prove you are innocent of her accusations.
You can either choose to continue to be in this relationship with her hoping she will eventually learn that you can be trusted. I have my doubts that she will be able to on her own. She is already exhibiting paranoid behavior and it is affecting you to the point where you have dropped friends for her and are allowing her to go through your phone. Next it will be your computer, your wallet, your car.
I know this because I was where she is. Only my suspicions proved correct and I had reason to believe I was being lied to. And yes, maybe some of my suspicions started because I myself was not faithful at one time in my life. Maybe I felt if I could do that to someone I was "in love with" than someone who says he was "in love with" me could do that to me. I also had red flags early on in the relationship which let me know something wasn't quite right.
Soooo....if you are as faithful as you say you are, you need to decide if you are in love with this woman enough to put up with her snooping and controlling behavior. No matter who or what my ex bf was doing, I invaded his privacy to no end, nagged him incessantly, and became a real pain in the butt, instead of breaking up. I sure would not want anyone going through what I put him through. We are just friends/roommates now. He can come and go as he pleases and I do not give him a hard time and he is a great person--as a friend. I did apologize to him (part of AA making amends) for my part. I have to live with myself and we get along better now than we ever have because we are not romantically involved with one another.
Possibly the two of you did and will always be better friends than romantic partners.
I am 55 and she is 40. In the past, I have dated much younger women and she knows that. It used to be a joke with her until we started seeing each other. My problem is this chick constantly accuses me of being unfathful, and I am not. She constantly busts my chops about my "twenty somethings" as she calls them. She has mentioned the fact she thinks I lead two lives...ours together and another she knows nothing about when I am at work in the city.
I am doing nothing wrong. I work/commute 10-14 hrs a day and if not working/commuting, I am with her. She goes thru my phone at night looking at calls, texts and pics and if she finds something that interests/bothers her, she will flat ask about it. She thinks it's wierd that 20-30 yo women like/relate to me moreso than women my age and it is obvious she feels threatened. She has no reason and I have told her this.
She works with her ex boyfriend and I say nothing about it. I know she still has feelings for him because he dumped her and she was devastated because she talked to me about it before we dated. I strongly suspect if he wanted to give it another try she would dump me in a second, because he is her "dream guy" and I know I am not. She works late and I don't question it. I work late and she accuses me of being out with another woman.
I have never given this chick any reason not to trust me and I have never been doubted in any other relationship I have been in. If I am with someone I am with them and I am not a cheater. If I am tired of someone or it's not working, I make it known and leave the relationship.
I am not quite sure how to deal with this situation.
Can't imagine why. You two seem so utterly perfect for each other, I think you should go to the court house right now and get hitched. Mazel tov!
Don't refer to women as "chicks", we aren't hatched via an egg that was released by the mother hen.
You've done this in other threads, it's irritating and demeaning. I can't think of any age group of women who would think this an appropriate term....dude.
I recently started dating someone who I have known as a friend before we started dating. I am 55 and she is 40. In the past, I have dated much younger women and she knows that. It used to be a joke with her until we started seeing each other. My problem is this chick constantly accuses me of being unfathful, and I am not. She constantly busts my chops about my "twenty somethings" as she calls them. She has mentioned the fact she thinks I lead two lives...ours together and another she knows nothing about when I am at work in the city.
I am doing nothing wrong. I work/commute 10-14 hrs a day and if not working/commuting, I am with her. She goes thru my phone at night looking at calls, texts and pics and if she finds something that interests/bothers her, she will flat ask about it. She thinks it's wierd that 20-30 yo women like/relate to me moreso than women my age and it is obvious she feels threatened. She has no reason and I have told her this.
She works with her ex boyfriend and I say nothing about it. I know she still has feelings for him because he dumped her and she was devastated because she talked to me about it before we dated. I strongly suspect if he wanted to give it another try she would dump me in a second, because he is her "dream guy" and I know I am not. She works late and I don't question it. I work late and she accuses me of being out with another woman.
I have never given this chick any reason not to trust me and I have never been doubted in any other relationship I have been in. If I am with someone I am with them and I am not a cheater. If I am tired of someone or it's not working, I make it known and leave the relationship.
I am not quite sure how to deal with this situation. It seems like the more I do to make it better the worse it gets. I have cut ties with my younger women friends and it still isn't good enough. I have never left a relationship because I wasn't trusted, but I am considering it. Someone suggested SHE is doing something wrong and is accusing me to throw suspicion off herself. I doubt this, as she is the kind of woman who I would think would tell me just to get lost.
Have you ever been thru this and what did you do or what was the outcome?
Toss her to the curb. She will never get over her feelings of insecurity and she will only make your life miserable.
Don't refer to women as "chicks", we aren't hatched via an egg that was released by the mother hen.
You've done this in other threads, it's irritating and demeaning. I can't think of any age group of women who would think this an appropriate term....dude.
Ahem. But it's different when I use the term for myself.
Seriously, though, what are the reasons for staying in this relationship? She's insecure, jealous, and into her ex. Why waste any more energy on her?
Don't refer to women as "chicks", we aren't hatched via an egg that was released by the mother hen.
You've done this in other threads, it's irritating and demeaning. I can't think of any age group of women who would think this an appropriate term....dude.
Speak for yourself. I don't mind being called a chick; it makes me feel young. I'd rather that, than be called "old broad".
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But it's different when I use the term for myself.
