How to deal with distrust in a relationship?

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by Bearsdad

I recently started dating someone who I have known as a friend before we started dating. I am 55 and she is 40. In the past, I have dated much younger women and she knows that. It used to be a joke with her until we started seeing each other. My problem is this chick constantly accuses me of being unfathful, and I am not. She constantly busts my chops about my "twenty somethings" as she calls them. She has mentioned the fact she thinks I lead two lives...ours together and another she knows nothing about when I am at work in the city.

I am doing nothing wrong. I work/commute 10-14 hrs a day and if not working/commuting, I am with her. She goes thru my phone at night looking at calls, texts and pics and if she finds something that interests/bothers her, she will flat ask about it. She thinks it's wierd that 20-30 yo women like/relate to me moreso than women my age and it is obvious she feels threatened. She has no reason and I have told her this.

She works with her ex boyfriend and I say nothing about it. I know she still has feelings for him because he dumped her and she was devastated because she talked to me about it before we dated. I strongly suspect if he wanted to give it another try she would dump me in a second, because he is her "dream guy" and I know I am not. She works late and I don't question it. I work late and she accuses me of being out with another woman.

I have never given this chick any reason not to trust me and I have never been doubted in any other relationship I have been in. If I am with someone I am with them and I am not a cheater. If I am tired of someone or it's not working, I make it known and leave the relationship.

I am not quite sure how to deal with this situation. It seems like the more I do to make it better the worse it gets. I have cut ties with my younger women friends and it still isn't good enough. I have never left a relationship because I wasn't trusted, but I am considering it. Someone suggested SHE is doing something wrong and is accusing me to throw suspicion off herself. I doubt this, as she is the kind of woman who I would think would tell me just to get lost.

Have you ever been thru this and what did you do or what was the outcome?

First of all women are not "chicks".
After that all I can wonder is why you would stay with a woman who does not trust you.
Quite a waste of time in my opinion and I myself would never stay with someone who does not trust me or who I do not trust.

The last part is, why would you allow someone to dictate who you can be friends with?
I choose my own friends my Husband does not choose my friends because I am a mature, adult woman who can make her own decisions without asking permission to do anything.

[introspectguy]

So many red flags:

-Trust is huge in relationships, and so is privacy. Handing over your phone every night so your SO can make sure you're behaved is pretty violating and demeaning.

-People shouldn't have to drop friends because they start dating someone who deems their friends as inappropriate.

-Your past shouldn't be held against you constantly, and you certainly can't change it.

So, unless you want to keep handing over your phone every night to make sure you behaved well for the day, keep dropping friends that she is threatened by, and have to justify your past relationships on a daily basis, then go for it. If not, and who would, move on.

Also, i have to go with everyone else here and say the word "chick" isn't the best. Anyway, move on OP, you're 55, be who you are and find a woman you can enjoy your life with who accepts and trusts you.

[Teckeeee]

Who lets someone go through their device, do you give them the password?

Genius idea.