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Yes, I cheated on my first husband and completely ruined everyone's life including my childrens. I am still ashamed and feel a tremendous amount of guilt almost 20 years later. I learned a very hard lesson that I most certainly never repeated but some damage can never be undone.
Yes, I cheated on my first husband and completely ruined everyone's life including my childrens. I am still ashamed and feel a tremendous amount of guilt almost 20 years later. I learned a very hard lesson that I most certainly never repeated but some damage can never be undone.
Man.... that's a rough one. Sorry to hear that. Painful lesson learned there it sounds like.
I have. I was in an LTR with another woman who wouldn't be sexual with me any more. I tried many things to try to spark up the romance again. She just told me she was depressed, wasn't interested, etc. We even tried counseling. I did love her much and stayed even after she started drinking again. She was an alcoholic but had been sober for a long time when we first got together. We both did a lot of wrong things. When she developed sudden liver failure due to the booze, I was with her when she passed away in ICU. I told her I was sorry then. I don't know if she heard me or forgave me, but I like to think she did. Now that I am with my love of one year, I made the decision not to ever do that again.
Got cheated on by ex-husband, who basically spent 80% of his time with his ex under the premise of caring about her and how alone she is. Never mind that I'm the one that moved into his state and am truly on my own. Was doing my best to be the non-jealous wife and tried to look past things, but lots of things didn't feel right. 2.5 years later, he left and broke it off with me via voicemail, basically saying he always loved his ex and never loved me. It was fantastic. A lesson learned there, for sure. I have great difficulty putting full trust with any relationships these days, and I'm fine with that. So when the last guy left, I shrugged and continued with my life.
Oh, and because I know how f*cked up awful it feels, I'd never do it to anyone. I don't understand why people can't be upfront and just say, "hey, I don't love you anymore, I'd like to leave.." Somehow, the art of doing the right thing fails with most people.
I'm very strict with what I consider ok in a relationship and what I do not, but one thing I've realized is that at least 90% of girls today if not 95% of them (I'm talking specifically girls 18 to maybe 30) think things are perfectly acceptable that I would say are completely unacceptable in a relationship. It is one lesson I learned the hard way -- don't assume ANYTHING. Literally anything. You have to define the rules as you are comfortable with them from the very start. I have a beautiful, amazing girlfriend who I hope to be with forever, but if I ever had to date again, I would probably say, "You probably don't want to be in a relationship with me because you're either going to be in it all the way or not at all, so let's just be casual if you aren't very serious."
I would say that a solid 50% of people consider "no cheating" to mean ONLY no sex or sexual acts with other people. That's it, for them.
To me, that is laughable. It's cheating when you flirt with another guy. It's cheating if you dance with another guy. It's cheating if you hold hands with another guy. It's cheating if you hang out one-on-one with another guy for non-work purposes. Cheating is any other physical contact with another guy, except a light "polite" hug that he initiates and you feel too awkward to do anything but give a "there, there" pat on the back. I'm not ok with any of those things. I don't think they're appropriate behavior. I don't think married women should be hanging out at the bar having drinks with another guy, whether he's married or single, unless her husband is there. The same rules for me apply to a serious relationship as to marriage; no lines should be drawn. It's why it's so wildly inappropriate when you see these bachelor / bachelorette parties being like, "Last night of freedom!" Huh? Your last night of "freedom" was many years ago when you entered into a relationship with the person you're marrying. And if you think of it as a last night of freedom type of thing, you probably shouldn't be getting married.
I would rather be single than worry about my girlfriend out at clubs dancing with a bunch of other guys, or going to see a movie with a "guy friend," or getting a back massage from said friend, etc. By the same token, I wouldn't be texting other girls, friends with other girls, or have any contact besides professional work contact with other girls. I don't have any interest or need to do so -- my girlfriend is the only girl for me.
No. Not a moral issue - a drama issue. I can get enough drama with one man -two? Eh, forget it. Until they come out with Excedrin Migraine Extra Plus+, nope.
I'm very strict with what I consider ok in a relationship and what I do not, but one thing I've realized is that at least 90% of girls today if not 95% of them (I'm talking specifically girls 18 to maybe 30) think things are perfectly acceptable that I would say are completely unacceptable in a relationship. It is one lesson I learned the hard way -- don't assume ANYTHING. Literally anything. You have to define the rules as you are comfortable with them from the very start. I have a beautiful, amazing girlfriend who I hope to be with forever, but if I ever had to date again, I would probably say, "You probably don't want to be in a relationship with me because you're either going to be in it all the way or not at all, so let's just be casual if you aren't very serious."
I would say that a solid 50% of people consider "no cheating" to mean ONLY no sex or sexual acts with other people. That's it, for them.
To me, that is laughable. It's cheating when you flirt with another guy. It's cheating if you dance with another guy. It's cheating if you hold hands with another guy. It's cheating if you hang out one-on-one with another guy for non-work purposes. Cheating is any other physical contact with another guy, except a light "polite" hug that he initiates and you feel too awkward to do anything but give a "there, there" pat on the back. I'm not ok with any of those things. I don't think they're appropriate behavior. I don't think married women should be hanging out at the bar having drinks with another guy, whether he's married or single, unless her husband is there. The same rules for me apply to a serious relationship as to marriage; no lines should be drawn. It's why it's so wildly inappropriate when you see these bachelor / bachelorette parties being like, "Last night of freedom!" Huh? Your last night of "freedom" was many years ago when you entered into a relationship with the person you're marrying. And if you think of it as a last night of freedom type of thing, you probably shouldn't be getting married.
I would rather be single than worry about my girlfriend out at clubs dancing with a bunch of other guys, or going to see a movie with a "guy friend," or getting a back massage from said friend, etc. By the same token, I wouldn't be texting other girls, friends with other girls, or have any contact besides professional work contact with other girls. I don't have any interest or need to do so -- my girlfriend is the only girl for me.
You'd fit in well in Saudi Arabia with these views.
If you agree to be exclusive then you need to be. If you cheat than you are a cheater. And an ass tbh.
I will never understand why people are so afraid to be honest with their SO's.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemoon75
Got cheated on by ex-husband, who basically spent 80% of his time with his ex under the premise of caring about her and how alone she is. Never mind that I'm the one that moved into his state and am truly on my own. Was doing my best to be the non-jealous wife and tried to look past things, but lots of things didn't feel right. 2.5 years later, he left and broke it off with me via voicemail, basically saying he always loved his ex and never loved me. It was fantastic. A lesson learned there, for sure. I have great difficulty putting full trust with any relationships these days, and I'm fine with that. So when the last guy left, I shrugged and continued with my life.
Oh, and because I know how f*cked up awful it feels, I'd never do it to anyone. I don't understand why people can't be upfront and just say, "hey, I don't love you anymore, I'd like to leave.." Somehow, the art of doing the right thing fails with most people.
I haven't cheated on my husband but he's had other women do so and I completely understand why it's so hard to just be honest, why it happened, what they were thinking, etc. I'm different, I'm rather stubborn about it really. I tell him that what makes me angry is this supposition that, should I leave him, it could only possibly happen because another man picked up the piece from the board and STOLE IT, (me) not because I'm a person who can just make the decision to walk away. I want to be that strong. And I want to be that honest. And I intend to deny him the satisfaction of hunting down a rival to punish for his loss. When I go, it will be because I went, not because I was taken.
However, he makes it incredibly difficult for a woman to be that honest. He goes from being completely nuts and impossible to live with, to super loving and attentive and trying to "fix" any part of himself that his lady doesn't like. He holds her (me) hostage with threats against his own life. He throws such a fit that one must talk him off his ledge. So what happens when a woman is wretched and miserable with this man, but cannot see a way out because he has her trapped? She becomes vulnerable to the next guy who shows her love and attention and makes her feel good. I get it.
Honestly I think he'd rather have a woman cheat, so he COULD have another guy to take it out on, than have a woman simply be honest about how she feels if it means losing her. I don't even know anymore.
But to the point...to say "why is it so hard to just be honest"...well, it's so hard for as many reasons as there are messy complicated situations out there that people deal with, that's why.
No, but I'll be completely honest in that I understand the appeal.
I love my girlfriend and see myself with her for the rest of my life, but I admit I was a bit scared that she could be the last woman I ever sleep with. My girlfriend is very beautiful, but there are other women out there who, simply on an aesthetic level, fit certain fantasies better. She's still very much worth being exclusive to.
I can see how it's easy to disassociate simple, raw sex from anything else emotionally, and as such, one could think, "what she doesn't know doesn't hurt her," which, STDs aside, is true.
Not trying to justify anything... just musing.
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