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Okay so he kind of wanted to date me but I screwed up now he says he doesn't want anything with me but he acts weird. I live 2 hrs away FYI. He asks for me to spend the night quite a bit lately.He was going through something and asked me to come over to keep his mind off of things and we just chilled while he laid in my lap and I rubbed his head, no sex, he tried I said no, then later I tried then he told me no so I just slept over. I left the next morning, he calls that night to ask me to come back I said no but I'd let him know when I would be back in town. Days later before I get a chance to even talk to him he calls and ask me when I'm coming back said idk and then he asked me to come that night.
He is supposed to go out but instead for whatever reason stays in with me and we fall asleep cuddling, me sleeping on his chest. I stay until 4 pm the next day, leave and hours later he calls me and asks me to come back and see him before he goes out. He goes out that night he texts me drunk and says "come to me" then starts calling me to come over I say no then he starts saying how I need to come over "because I just want to hold you as I fall asleep" and wants me to go to church with him the next day and is still asking for me to come see him but I still couldn't come over. The next morning he texts me saying he wants me to go to church with him so I go (first time going with him) afterwards I say that I'm leaving and he pretty much starts begging me to stay saying he didn't want me to hang out just for 30 min just for me to leave and for me to stay. He says "I thought you wanted to spend more time together, I'm trying to and now you don't that's f*cked up". He tells me not to leave but to but do my work there instead so I could spend the night so I stay for a bit and he makes dinner, he tries to have sex I say no because I kind of was in a funky mood all day and he just asking me what was wrong said he wanted to know and that he could talk to me and then pulled me to him and he held me for a while and he kept asking me to spend the night again.
I'm confused, this doesn't seem like typical fwb behavior at least to me it doesn't. He gets jealous of other guys that I talk to. He keeps asking about this one guy in particular, tries to look into my phone, got mad because I was sending another guy a Snapchat while he was there, said "hmm you have a lot of guy friends". We even held hands (even though he was drunk) but he doesn't like to kiss much anymore which is throwing me off. My friends say they would never ask their fwb to go go to church with them, or ask their fwb to come over when they're down, and keep asking to see so much. He wants to know when I'm quitting my job (I'm trying to move up there).Even asked when he comes to my city do i want for him to see me (i said no because c i wasn't cool with things at the moment) They think he wants to be with me but is just being guarded right now. Does he truly see me as fwb or does he want more just not trying to get attached/being guarded? What's up with the lack of kissing thing? What's this guys deal?
Cliffs:
-fwb asks me to see a lot even though I'm 2 hrs away
-gets jealous of other guys
-wants me to go to church with him
-seems like his true feelings comes out when drunk
-doesn't like to kiss that much anymore
-cuddle a lot
-asked to see me when he comes to my city
-OP confused
**met in November didn't have sex with him until the beginning of this month**
My question is why do you have a fwb 2 hours away. I mean I can understand a relationship (my ex I met in long island moved to Vermont) I've travled 5 hours to be with her.
He may be getting emotional attached and is not handling the idea of FWB well.
Did you guys explain the situation and make sure both parties are on the same page before you started sleeping together?
Has it been going on for a long time?
Did these issues start before or after having sex?
Does he know what your long term goals with work are (that your trying to move up)?
My question is why do you have a fwb 2 hours away. I mean I can understand a relationship (my ex I met in long island moved to Vermont) I've travled 5 hours to be with her.
He may be getting emotional attached and is not handling the idea of FWB well.
Did you guys explain the situation and make sure both parties are on the same page before you started sleeping together?
Has it been going on for a long time?
Did these issues start before or after having sex?
Does he know what your long term goals with work are (that your trying to move up)?
It's funny that you asked that question, my friend said as a guy I wouldn't want a fwb that's 2 hours away because that's just dumb and it would be a lot easier to have someone that's close by. He's a very attractive guy so I know finding someone else that's close isn't hard to find. But as for me, I used to live up there and all my friends are up there so I'm pretty much there every weekend that's how we met. Well right when we had slept together only a month ago he said he wanted more to which I just smiled and nodded but then he kind of back tracked, he found out that I was hanging with my ex of four years recently(I didn't know he had wanted anything with me when I was hanging with my ex if I had I wouldn't have hung out with my ex) so I'm not sure if that's why he backtracked. As soon as we were done having sex for the first time he turns over and kept asking if I was talking to my ex. Days later after back tracking I see him at this bar and he's blowing up my phone and is just all over me and this guy asked me for number, I started to give it to him (since he backtracked on what he said I just assumed I was a free agent) he comes between us and says "she's not going to call you bro" and then is begging for me to come home with him I say no, start walking away and another guy starts trying to talk to me, my guy comes up and says he's going to knock him out and I said we're not exclusive like you said remember so you can't do that and you're **** blocking right now. He gets angry and said "I thought we were working towards being exclusive" and then says he's going to knock him out again and is still begging me to come home with him and I say no, he claims he was "hammered" but he wasn't, tipsy sure, but not hammered, even still I always say a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. He continues to call me throughout the night, which I ignored because he was being a jerk that night. He texted me the next morning still angry, which I ignored, then he texted me hours later to come over I said no and we didn't talk all that week. After reaching out he told me this wasn't going anywhere and and that we could be fwb, what in the world? I go to speak to him the next week and I said I can't do fwb and he said I never said that you did, again what in the world? Then that's when he asked when he comes to my city do I want him to see me and I said no. I asked if we were still going to hang out (I wasn't sure where we would stood with each other) and said "because every time I come here I feel like I'm not going to come back" to which he responds sure if you're cool with the situation that we're not going to be together...umm okay? But now he's doing all of this so now I'm confused.
My friends said they think he does want to be with me but it seems like I don't want anything with him (ex., hanging with my ex, initially I was seeing *not sleeping* 3 other guys in addition to him so he backed off, giving my number out to another guy at the bar, saying he was cockblocking). Plus he seems a little insecure which doesn't help, trying to look in my phone to see who i'm texting, he keeps asking me about this other guy that I've hung out with, asking if I liked him and when he drunk called me the other night he asked "wait, are you with that guy right now? I'm getting pissed, you're my girl. I know I can lift more than him....etc." I don't know he's a confusing one lol.
As far as moving he knows that I want to move, I've wanted to move for months just haven't. A while ago he kept saying that I should move to his part of the city.
And (If its ok to ask) do you know what his relationship history is like?
Is he a dominant or submissive guy?(like is he alpha, alpha plus, beta, or beta-plus?)
He'll be 27 in two months, I'm 23.
He's only had one relationship and that lasted for 4 months, he had to move for a job and didn't want to do long distance.
Hmmm that's a tough question, I want to say that he tries to be alpha but really is beta, may be even beta-plus lol. I only say that because he always asks if the guys that I'm speaking to are white or black (he's white and I'm the first black girl he's ever been interested in). This one guy that I hung out with the first thing he asked was if I liked him or not, then I made out with, and just continues to ask him. Looking into my phone to see who I'm text. Saying stupid stuff like "can he bench press as much as me" blah blah blah. To me these things seem pretty beta.
He's only had one relationship and that lasted for 4 months, he had to move for a job and didn't want to do long distance.
Hmmm that's a tough question, I want to say that he tries to be alpha but really is beta, may be even beta-plus lol. I only say that because he always asks if the guys that I'm speaking to are white or black (he's white and I'm the first black girl he's ever been interested in). This one guy that I hung out with the first thing he asked was if I liked him or not, then I made out with, and just continues to ask him. Looking into my phone to see who I'm text. Saying stupid stuff like "can he bench press as much as me" blah blah blah. To me these things seem pretty beta.
I knew when I was 23, I was not even ready for a relationship like this.
As I got older I knew that this type of relationship would not be a good fit for me.
I am not wired to be in this type of relationship.
When I look back to when I was that age, I realize that I was young and inexperienced at that point, and I was still trying to find my place in the world. I would not want to be in the OP's shoes even if I was her age. Being in a FWB relationship would not be something that I could deal with.
The guy is really not that interested in you.. He is looking for whatever is nearby, and if he can get you there, then that works for him.
You need to cut that silliness loose. Move on. Find someone in your own area.
No. There's a lot more to the story.In a nutshell he told me he wanted more with me but then found out that I was still seeing my ex of 4 years (didn't know he wanted more with me that's why I was hanging with my ex) then he backed off...days later I see him out, he wants to know out other guys for talking to me and said he thought we were working on being exclusive. I told him he had no right to get jealous because we weren't exclusive and that he was getting in the way of me meeting new people and get extremely angry...didn't talk to me for a week and then said he wanted to fwb.
OP you do need to get your objectives sorted out first. Are you looking for an fwb or more? Are you good with traveling for your fix or can you find a local supplier? This type of assessment will help you land on the right choice.
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