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I saw a quote on FB the other day that I think is worth sharing.
"We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It's a death trap." ~Anthony Hopkins
This spoke to me because I've never seen so much overthinking as I have since I joined this forum. Overthinking, overanalyzing, not enough doing. People looking for one universal answer that will apply to an entire gender. People looking for a step-by-step manual to navigate the dating world as if it was math equation or scientific formula instead of human interaction which is 50% dependent on other people, not just you and your wants and needs. Too much reading on the internet, not enough thinking critically and being able to filter the good sources from the bad.
Anyone who has lived prior to the internet knows that you went out and did, or life passed you by. The same actually applies today, but now people are more neurotic and fearful about getting out there and taking chances and want every possible answer to avoid rejection and hurt. Life is about rejection, hurt, success, happiness. You don't get to have all the good and none of the bad.
There is too much questioning about irrelevant things that people shouldn't even be having conversations about. When you are not even dating, you shouldn't be on the internet asking about your custody rights when you and your spouse divorce (for example). People who are healthy don't even think of that, so instead of asking fear-based questions not often grounded in reality, ask yourself why you aren't taking the steps you need to be healthy to get out there and live life instead of merely existing. You will never think your way into a relationship, you have to take action.
Part of the overthinking is that everything is available at our fingertips. No more waiting a year for a movie to come from theater to HBO. That's been cut to 6 months or less. You have facebook, instagram, twitter, and many other social platforms to stay in touch these days. Before you had to either talk on the phone or see them in person. Now you can just retweet someone's status or share it.
There's too much available at our fingertips to ponder today. Just like post we'll see on here about a woman messaging a guy 24 hours prior about a date, but can see his profile very active online. We're no longer given the opportunity to live in curiosity anymore. If you're wondering what someone's doing, you can go to social media and likely find out.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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From someone who is naturally a thinker, I can see where you are coming from. However, with the resources available for dating and more people's experiences available, you want to take all that and use it to try to avoid heartbreak that does not have to happen. You won't eliminate all the risk, but being a thinker you want to minimize risk.
I saw a quote on FB the other day that I think is worth sharing.
"We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It's a death trap." ~Anthony Hopkins
This spoke to me because I've never seen so much overthinking as I have since I joined this forum. Overthinking, overanalyzing, not enough doing. People looking for one universal answer that will apply to an entire gender. People looking for a step-by-step manual to navigate the dating world as if it was math equation or scientific formula instead of human interaction which is 50% dependent on other people, not just you and your wants and needs. Too much reading on the internet, not enough thinking critically and being able to filter the good sources from the bad.
Anyone who has lived prior to the internet knows that you went out and did, or life passed you by. The same actually applies today, but now people are more neurotic and fearful about getting out there and taking chances and want every possible answer to avoid rejection and hurt. Life is about rejection, hurt, success, happiness. You don't get to have all the good and none of the bad.
There is too much questioning about irrelevant things that people shouldn't even be having conversations about. When you are not even dating, you shouldn't be on the internet asking about your custody rights when you and your spouse divorce (for example). People who are healthy don't even think of that, so instead of asking fear-based questions not often grounded in reality, ask yourself why you aren't taking the steps you need to be healthy to get out there and live life instead of merely existing. You will never think your way into a relationship, you have to take action.
From someone who is naturally a thinker, I can see where you are coming from. However, with the resources available for dating and more people's experiences available, you want to take all that and use it to try to avoid heartbreak that does not have to happen. You won't eliminate all the risk, but being a thinker you want to minimize risk.
I completely understand that and agree that considering all the angles about something can be beneficial. However, as with any goal in your life, thinking about it is not enough to make it happen. And in dating, you are not the only variable, there is a whole other person with their own set of thoughts too. You cannot think of every possible scenario and outcome, so you have to just go with it. The alternative is to cower in your fear and inaction, which is you allowing your thoughts (often irrational ones) to get the best of you.
Also, reading other people's experiences is one thing, but internalizing them is another. How other people live and the choices they make, have no bearing on your life. It's one thing to learn from others that "hey baby" is not a successful pickup line, but something like not wanting to get married because some other people got divorced is just silly. KWIM?
I agree in that over thinking/analyzing takes away from the action of getting the job done. But unless you have a true problem with over thinking such as I do, it's hard to understand how it affects your life.
The way I am wired...the way my mind works - it has definitely had a negative effect on my 33 year marriage and in life in general. The OP is looking from the outside observers standpoint. Unless you are an over thinker, you have no idea how some of us cannot shut off the spigot - I cannot stop thinking. I've been to many therapy sessions, and one thing I've made perfectly clear is I will not medicate to suppress, so I'm stuck with it.
I think sometimes it's a blessed curse. In some ways I arrive at the correct answer because I look at all angles. In other way it paralyzes me because I just can't put whatever it is behind me. Over thinking chews away at the insides.
It may be easy to say some people over think things and complicate something that should be simple. In my case, all I can say is sorry, because I am unable to stop it.
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