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Prior to us dating she had a 4 month long distance relationship with a married or "separated" man. She believes he was truly separated; my assessment is that he was just cheating on his wife with her.
This "relationship" ended in September; she and I started dating in November.
From time to time he comes up during a normal conversation. When she talks about him her voice cracks a tiny tiny bit; slight tone change.
About a week ago he called her at around 1am; he did not leave a message. She does not know why he called, but did think it was inappropriate for him to call. She has no plans to "block" his number or tell him to stop calling.
Prior to us dating she had a 4 month long distance relationship with a married or "separated" man. She believes he was truly separated; my assessment is that he was just cheating on his wife with her.
This "relationship" ended in September; she and I started dating in November.
From time to time he comes up during a normal conversation. When she talks about him her voice cracks a tiny tiny bit; slight tone change.
About a week ago he called her at around 1am; he did not leave a message. She does not know why he called, but did think it was inappropriate for him to call. She has no plans to "block" his number or tell him to stop calling.
From time to time he comes up during a normal conversation. When she talks about him her voice cracks a tiny tiny bit; slight tone change.
I would say there is concern.... It sounds like she still has feelings for the other guy and your are the rebound. Given you are into the relationship 4 months, I'm not sure either of you are invested or at a point in the relationship in which you feel comfortable talking to her about your feelings when the topic comes up.
I am the "other married guy" and my wife encourages me to talk about my feelings as part of our efforts heal. Some of our topics includes the other woman that I developed feelings for (long story. severed the relationship). I feel lots of anxiety during those talks and my wife can tell from the tone of my voice. I would be lying if I didn't admit being tempted to re-establish some sort of communication with the other... kinda like your GF's hesitation to severe all communication. I love my wife and family..... it doesn't mean that my feelings for the other simply disappear.
Yes, you should be concerned. Discuss how you feel about her and what you want from the relationship. It has been four months so both of you should have an idea of what you want/need from each other. Let her know how you felt about the phone call and how you sense that her voice changes when she talks about him. You know, communicate, then decide what is best for you.
Just sounds like bad timing for you. I wouldn't say she doesn't care about you, but she probably wasn't "ready" to start a new relationship ~one month~ after that guy... That's the way love goes.
I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt if these are the only "concerns" you have : Facebook, crack in her voice, and her not explicitly asking him not to call.
Unless you were there at 1AM, she must've told you about the one phone call? She didn't have to if she was dishonest.
And in a LDR, it's easy to get mislead and think the person is separated when they are not.
She and I have spoken about her voice cracking; she denies that it happens. I could be wrong, but not likely.
She gives NO repeat NO indication of not being over him; our relationship, on the "tactical" level is wonderful. I am more concerned about the "strategic" or "what's in her mind?" aspects of this.
All I am seeing is the voice tonal inflection and the phone call. She has, from time to time, discussed the generally mediocre/poor nature of their relationship. I don't know if them being Facebook "friends" is really relevant...I don't fully understand the nuances of facebook.
She did say that when we very first met she wasn't 100% glad that the previous thing wasn't over, but after meeting me and experiencing our relationship she was 100% glad and very happy that we are together.
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