The sharing thread. Why are you single? (dating, marriage, women)

[Montanaguy04]

Sometimes opening up and talking about it helps people look at themselves in a clearer light. We all have different reasons for being single. Some by choice, some not by choice.

I make 6 digits, have my own business and haven't had a job in over 4 years. I workout 4-5 times a week and am entering a men's physigue contest this spring. That said this is my short list of must haves in a woman.

• 1 child or none. This used to be child free but I have compromised. I don't have kids of my own and want kids.
• Height/weight proportionate. I define that as <= 2 pounds of body weight per inch of height.
• Not crazy. I can't handle crazy.
• Pretty. I'm not butt ugly myself.
• Not stupid. Don't have to be smart, just not stupid.
• Kind, affectionate, and not a ball buster. Positive mental outlook on life and of herself. You can't love someone else if you don't already love yourself.

I'm not one of those hypocritical guys that doesn't meet his own standards. I also know that the odds of meeting a woman like me that makes $100k+, fitness body, that is also not crazy with a loving personality would be like finding a unicorn.

I'm not going around wondering where my Victoria Secret super model GF is because I'm so special and deserving. We get what we can find and attract, there are no entitlements when it comes to dating.

I know my weaknesses when it comes to dating and why I'm single. I have an introverted personality type, INTJ. INTJs are known for being very competent in many areas of their life except for one, romance. If you are an INTJ then you know this about yourself. I'm a busy guy. I run my business, hit the gym, but don't have much time or the desire to go out and get into the party, social, or bar scene. While I like humor and have occasional streaks of being funny, on a scale of 1-10 I'm probably a 3 or a 4 on the funny scale. I know women love a funny guy and I wish I had more of it but I am who I am.

I know that if I was more extroverted, funny, and had more 'game' I would have much more luck with women. None of those attributes are strong points of a INTJ personality profile.

Some famous fictional INTJs

Hannibal Lecter (LOL)
Batman
Gandalf
Jigsaw from the saw films
Sherlock Holmes
Reed Richards from fantastic four
V V for vendetta

[randomlikeme]

I am a female INTJ and cannot say that my Myers-Briggs left me adept at romance or unable to communicate well with people. I was still passionate, funny, and charismatic -- just had a strong preference for going home after being around crowds all day and was more of a rational person.

During the times when I was single, it was because I didn't know myself yet. I would latch on to guys that weren't good for me but taking some time to really explore myself and who I could be or want from another person really helped me to be ready.

I didn't want the guys that were hitting on me at the bar.... for whatever reason, I wanted that guy in the corner who was ignoring me! It took me a while to figure out why I wanted that and to go about changing it.

I am getting married in about three months and I must say that had we met before we did, I would have rejected him. Why? He called me after our date to tell me he had a good time and wanted to get to know me better. The horror, right?!

[RandyHS]

I'm single because I have cerebral palsy, and have been told by various women I asked out that I wasn't worth dating because of it. I've been fixed up before, and always told there would never be a second date. And it was always because of my disability.

[jsun556]

Because I'm super picky regarding looks, and I'm content being single until I get exactly what I want, if ever.

Oh, and the only girl I'd even consider marrying lives 4 hours away. I'm trying to move there now.

[Yiuppy]

Im an INTJ. A rare female one, too. Poor guy. I don't weigh 120.8 pounds! Not since I was in elementary school, probably. Good luck.

I'm single mostly because I don't approach men I find attractive, and I don't go out with the guys who do approach me because they're strangers and aren't my type. But also because I don't spend time in social mating centers like bars and clubs, but I do enjoy festivals and restaurants, museums and going to hear arguments at the Supreme Court and such. I see attractive men everywhere in this town but none of them are interested in me or at least aren't up to letting me see that they are.

I'm also single because I have romantic feelings for my best friend who is a man. That tends to block out my attention to other men, even if they are attractive. I just don't know them and feel comfort with my friend.

[Bearsdad]

Laughed when I saw your post...I could have written it with the exception of hitting the gym and the pounds per foot rule. I am a fellow INTJ and I am single by choice these days after years of marriage gone wrong when the ex wanted out for another guy. I refuse to settle at my age (mid fifties) and I can't seem to find a chick that meets all the qualifications....the toughest one being NOT CRAZY. I have had my share of fun with the twenty something's, but knowing no future going in. The 30-40's I have met are looking for a daddy for their kids (not saying all do but the ones I have met) and the 50+ chicks all act 50+ and they are too old for me. I get along best with 30-40's women. But, like you say....find one who doesn't have more than one kid and isn't crazy. I don't have time to look for her, so if she doesn't find me, it's not gonna happen.

I make right around 100k myself. I actually met a woman early 40's who made mid 100's, was smart, hot body, pretty, had her act together, no baggage and everything a guy could ask for. BUT....she jousted me repeatedly about making more than me, kept telling me "I don't need a man" and was a social butterfly that loved social events and barroom outings as much as I hated them. I was doomed from the start. I thought with a man in her life, she may lose the zest for constant social attention. She didn't and I couldn't change into a social butterfly just to fit in.

So...I will at this point settle for 30-47, not overweight, at least somewhat attractive, not crazy, childless woman who is satisfied to go out to dinner once a week and Friday or Saturday night out to the bar. Hell, at this point I could care less what she makes. Yes...I am looking for a unicorn.

[Hivemind31]

I'm single because, in committed relationships, they typically frown on dating other people.

[bluemoon75]

I'm also a fellow INTJ. Ha. Looks like there are quite a lot of us here.

I am single because I'm kinda enjoying my life alone for now. I'm not really looking since the last relationship of 2.5 years took quite a bit out of me. I don't have trouble meeting someone, I have trouble being with someone that can understand me. Most guys I date tend to have an idea of who they think I am, which is completely not who I am. As a fellow INTJ, we speak our minds.. and depending on who you are with, they don't always take that well. Beating around the bush irritates me quite a bit and is a waste of time.

But when I am looking to date, the types that interest me are geeky guys. So long as you don't look creepy or would kill me if you sit on me, and have a open, flexible mind, we can get along.

But uh.. believe me, tis hard to find someone like that, AND NOT have them make assumptions on what kind of person they think (or probably prefer I am.) (aka, not submissive or girly) Aha.

[Adhom]

That's what I was doing wrong! I've had several serious relationships in the past years but I forgot to focus on the fact that I make six figures and that they should. I must re-evaluate.

[cindersslipper]

OP never told us his age.

Its hard to judge OP but I personally would find you an egotistical moneycounter.

Lifes supposed to be FUN.