Can't stand your friend's spouse? (date, wife, boyfriend, marriage)
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I have a friend whom I like hanging out with but my spouse and I don't enjoy the friends spouse much at all. Spouse is a total lush, loud, obnoxious, etc. Just not the type of person we typically enjoy being around (and we're not boring, we just know when and where certain things are appropriate).
Yeah. I have a friend that I have known for about 20 years. I like her. Her husband is so incredibly dull though, that it pains me to hang out with her. She refuses to do anything without him. In fact, she is only comfortable hanging out with other couples; she would never set something up with a mix of single people and couples for some reason. I don't get it.
I still hang out with her and my husband is nice enough to talk to her husband. It's like he has no personality at all though. He's not too bright and can't really hold a conversation (or a job, or manage to stay in school). I don't really understand what she sees in him, but oh well. I put up with it to see my friend. I don't expect it to ever change.
It can be hard to find "couple friends" where both partners are compatible with you and your partner, in my experience. In nearly all instances, I've noticed that we have couple friends where one partner is AWESOME, and the other is...just okay. Or kind of annoying/awkward/uninteresting, but tolerable. Sometimes, unluckily, the partner is awful. We only have one couple we know like that and it's coming to a head, because they're divorcing, because she is so awful (and a cheater).
I had the most awesome coworker, we got along fantastically, and he was always saying how my then-boyfriend and I ought to do dinner with him and his wife, etc. I knew he and my then-BF would hit it off, lots in common, and he was always talking about how I would really get along with his wife. So we had them over for dinner. She was obnoxious. It was like, "How did these two even get together??" I gave the benefit of the doubt...maybe she gets nervous meeting new people, etc. So we went to a street festival with them. I tried doing one-on-one, having a girl's lunch date and went shopping. They had us over for dinner. We did a pub trivia night. No dice. Just obnoxious. I was so disappointed!
So far, most of our couple friends where both are cool are our siblings and siblings in law!
I have a friend whom I like hanging out with but my spouse and I don't enjoy the friends spouse much at all. Spouse is a total lush, loud, obnoxious, etc. Just not the type of person we typically enjoy being around (and we're not boring, we just know when and where certain things are appropriate).
Anyone else in a similar situation.
Yes. I have a friend who's husband is very immature, and seems to have issues with women. He tends to be passive-aggressive with his wife's friends, trying to pick little fights, it's weird and a real turn off. Fortunately, his job keeps him out of town for months at a time, though that's difficult for my friend, who has to raise their kids and care for their pets on her own, while managing her career.
This got interesting for me living on a military base. When you're in an active duty military family, you tend to cultivate friendships out of necessity with the others who live around you, which are often military spouses in military housing. Or jobs, but my job was on base, so same basic population. When you attend functions with your spouse, you generally hang out with the colleagues and their spouses if they have 'em. Military spouses are largely (not completely, but largely) people who've been married since they were quite young, have their kids similarly young, are fairly often former military themselves (less often, current military), and, fairly often, due to the lifestyle of frequent moves, are not employed outside the home and sometimes haven't been for quite some time. Basically, very little in common with somebody who married a military member in her upper thirties, had no kids, no prior experience with military life, had a degree and over a decade of professional experience and had never been a SAHM or homemaker. Most were also WAY younger, and the ones that were closer to my age had teenage or older kids and some were even grandparents. I found that finding compatible couple friends was even more daunting on a military base than in the civilian world.
The Mr. is usually pretty good with stuff like that; he tends not to orchestrate getting together with other couples unless he likes the spouse and knows that I will likely click, too. We tend to gravitate toward easy-going people anyway, so it's usually not an issue.
I have a friend whom I like hanging out with but my spouse and I don't enjoy the friends spouse much at all. Spouse is a total lush, loud, obnoxious, etc. Just not the type of person we typically enjoy being around (and we're not boring, we just know when and where certain things are appropriate).
Anyone else in a similar situation.
Yeah, but thankfully the great spouse usually gets rid of/divorces the obnoxious one, so problem always resolved!
I have a friend whom I like hanging out with but my spouse and I don't enjoy the friends spouse much at all. Spouse is a total lush, loud, obnoxious, etc. Just not the type of person we typically enjoy being around (and we're not boring, we just know when and where certain things are appropriate).
My husband is very quiet. I find that turns a lot of people away. I don't feel comfortable hanging out with other couples when it's just me. It doesn't even matter if I like the spouse. Luckily, everyone around my area is very nice spouses and all. I'll hang out with spouses around sometimes if I really need the company, but I'm used to being alone. That puts me at a disadvantage, because as nice as I am, I'm not used to communicating with potential friends. I talk a lot. I am aware of it, but not usually until after I realize I've talked the person's ear off.
I have had some uncomfortable situations. When I lived in NY, I friended a classmate. He was married to an ice queen. She literally gave me the chills when he introduced us. She was not a very nice woman. She ended up cheating on him and brainwashing his kids into believing he was a no good jerk, when he was a great father and always did whatever he could to keep the marriage going. He loved his kids too. It was just so uncomfortable being anywhere near her when I visited him.
Another relationship was similar where the wife was causing a lot of trouble for the husband who was just letting it happen for the sake of his daughter. He was afraid his wife would take his daughter away if he spoke up. He got into a car accident and she took advantage of that and ran off with their daughter and told everyone he was abusing the girl. He was also a great father. I knew him well enough to know he never hurt anyone in the family. His 5 year old daughter was the one to speak up on who was actually hitting her....her mom.
Another friend was married to a military man. We all understood he had some form of PTSD, but he'd hit her and shake her. Not in front of us, but it was obvious with the marks on her and how much she excused his actions and protected him from our (her friends) advice to leave him or get him help when he gets home. when he was home, things were always so tense. We all just didn't know if at any point he had her alone if he'd do something to her.
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