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Actually what you say kind of reminds me of me at that age. I was also a late bloomer, didn't put much effort at all in my teen years. Then by the time I hit my early to mid twenties things changed a lot. There was a time where I was really intimidated by women, then I realized they were just people like everyone else.
My advice to you is take more initiative. I don't buy into that whole "it will happen when you're not expecting it" philosophy, I personally think it's a bunch of baloney. You make things happen in life. If you just sit back and not do anything I think you might be waiting a long time. Not trying to be a jerk, just giving some advice based on my own personal life.
Thank you for saying this; however, I do think the statement has some validity with women. I think the statement can be poked full of holes for men. My last FWB just got herself into a serious relationship about a week ago with a guy she met when she wasn't looking. Her and I had a very casual relationship. Would sleep together about once a week and would talk almost everyday. We respected each other, but knew a relationship with each other wasn't what we wanted.
Even she told me, she wasn't really looking and it just kind of came out of nowhere. I only had one relationship that happened in my life where I wasn't looking and I was partying my rear end off when it happened. I think for men we pretty much have to always look for our potential relationships, because not many women are truly out pursuing men. So I think more women can't wait to be pursued, while having their needs met in other ways in their life.
My bad luck in dating has been for about the last 2 years or so, which has also been the time frame that I've looked at dating from a more long-term perspective as well. I basically try to keep myself from meeting up with people to where we have some early on long-term dealbreakers. Just not worth my time to try and shoe horn people and things into my life.
One of my favorite sayings is "Happiness is not just about finding the right person but also about being the right person". You have to invest in yourself. For example, pay attention to how you dress, groom yourself, and your overall appearance. Men and women most times will not tell you why they don't like you so it's important to keep trying to improve yourself - mentally and physically.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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I think the title of the thread, and the body of the OP, are a bit different. Bad lucking in dating is different than bad luck in finding a relationship. I find getting dates fairly easy, especially with OLD. Finding a relationship is difficult. Most women that I meet that I'm interested in a relationship with actually would prefer things to be casual and light.
Thank you for saying this; however, I do think the statement has some validity with women.
The few men I've dated I've met when I wasn't looking. When I met late hubby, I was actively planning to move back to Idaho and he was actively planning to move back to Nevada. Neither one of us was looking. So, based on my own (admittedly limited) experience, I do believe it happens when you aren't looking and least expect it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74
The few men I've dated I've met when I wasn't looking. When I met late hubby, I was actively planning to move back to Idaho and he was actively planning to move back to Nevada. Neither one of us was looking. So, based on my own (admittedly limited) experience, I do believe it happens when you aren't looking and least expect it.
Well, the last person I dated was when I wasn't looking to meet anyone. The time before that that it occurred? Never. Perhaps high school. So, yeah, it can happen, seemingly once every 25 years or so, when I'm not looking. Greeeeaaatttt.
Well, the last person I dated was when I wasn't looking to meet anyone. The time before that that it occurred? Never. Perhaps high school. So, yeah, it can happen, seemingly once every 25 years or so, when I'm not looking. Greeeeaaatttt.
I think I'll stick with the active approach.
I agree with you. It's happened one time for me in my entire life. Most of the time, I've had to do the pursuing.
To a certain extent you make your own luck. The reason that I think a majority of people are single is that quite honestly they just aren't willing to put themselves out there to meet someone. If you sit at home and just watch cable when you come home from work, you probably aren't going to be meeting a whole lot of new people in your life. But the more you put yourself in situations where you can meet people, whether its on line dating, whether its going to bars, whether its going to Church singles groups, any and all of those things will increase the number of people circling through your life and ultimately increase your chances for meeting someone.
Luck is a factor in dating, but you also make your own luck. There is no guarantees that you will meet someone online or at Church or at a bar or any place else, but the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds of success go up.
Second it helps to have realistic expectations. Not everyone can date a supermodel. If you are more Homer Simpson than Brad Pitt, you probably need to find your Marge and not spend a lot of time obsessing over someone who has much better options than you.
I see nothing in your post that would give any clues of bad luck.
Basically what you're saying is that you put no effort into finding someone, don't find anyone and claim it is bad luck.
Right..
Not entirely true. I've asked out a couple of women (ones that I'd be interested in pursing further) over the past couple of months, but neither seem to be interested in pursing things further despite showing signs that they were.
As Timberland said in this thread, I do agree in that I could likely get dates if I wanted to. However, finding the right compatible woman to be in a relationship with? Definitely takes more luck, in my opinion.
Last edited by NewYorker11356; 05-21-2015 at 12:00 PM..
My step-dad seems to think I have bad luck when it comes to dating, but I think a smart part of the huge truth is, at times I'd write things off and discount Red Flags, which I was notorious for doing when I was much much younger. I'd write people off in an instant, and saved my sanity. I stopped doing that after a while from influence from friends when I knew in my heart something was off.
I'm finding out more that most people my age are usually either hung up on their first loves, have kids with other people already, or either married.
I don't call it bad luck. I call it choices I made. And the choices I made lead me to the position I am in now, but I do not regret not settling. What I do somewhat regret is not listening to myself in times when I gave the benefit of the doubt one too many times. But, a part of putting yourself out there is trusting the process and hoping things will work out okay.
OP, maybe what you really need is just to get your feet wet a little. Be open to different people, different possibilities, and be open to learning from different perspectives. Experience is what life is all about.
My step-dad seems to think I have bad luck when it comes to dating, but I think a smart part of the huge truth is, at times I'd write things off and discount Red Flags, which I was notorious for doing when I was much much younger. I'd write people off in an instant, and saved my sanity. I stopped doing that after a while from influence from friends when I knew in my heart something was off.
I'm finding out more that most people my age are usually either hung up on their first loves, have kids with other people already, or either married.
I don't call it bad luck. I call it choices I made. And the choices I made lead me to the position I am in now, but I do not regret not settling. What I do somewhat regret is not listening to myself in times when I gave the benefit of the doubt one too many times. But, a part of putting yourself out there is trusting the process and hoping things will work out okay.
OP, maybe what you really need is just to get your feet wet a little. Be open to different people, different possibilities, and be open to learning from different perspectives. Experience is what life is all about.
You echo how I feel exactly. I'm very glad I never settled, even though it's led me to long-term singledom. I've spent the last 6 years becoming a much better me and I want to share that with someone who's my equal. Yes, it may be harder because I didn't have a child in that time, but it's something that I've always wanted for myself. I've dated single parents myself and found the situation to be much harder, but not impossible.
Some of my friends are telling me to become less rigid on what I want, and I tell them why? I may not need a relationship that bad in order to make it through this world alone. It's not like I'm living with my parents still or don't know what I want out of life. I know exactly what I want and am pretty certain on how to obtain it.
That's what some of my friends don't understand. They found someone who was willing to accept who they were and where they were at in their personal life at the time they met. Why do I have to turn my life upside down to get the same thing? I just want the same thing you guys received, and I'm willing to wait to get it!
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