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Has assumption written all over it. You wouldn't have said it if you hadn't assumed I cannot observe many the same way you can. Whether you realize it or not, you've made an assumption, in this case that I do not/cannot observe many in addition to my own personal experience.
Nope,
you were in fact relating your personal experience in your comment in this thread no? not what you meant or intended but what you actually wrote / said.
Eh, you're right. (I do have a chip on my shoulder when it comes to height). I understand having preferences, but I just don't understand making it a requirement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar
Apparently, the OP's friend cares. lol How is a height preference different from a body type preference which lots of people have?
My sister is like this. She’s hardly unattractive but she has always had her own style, and unfortunately (I think) that style is her continuing to dress like a 16 year old (lots of costume jewellery, tshirts with I-don’t-take-no-crap type slogans, bright coloured hair, ripped stockings etc) even though she’s now in her 30’s.
She will only go for men who are striking, physically. I mean they have to be almost perfect. I've never seen her give any "average" guy a chance, despite how lovely they are or how much they like her. She too becomes very low and wonders why she’s so "eternally single" as she puts it. I don’t have the heart to tell her that maybe she should try looking beyond the physical or heaven forbid, slightly altering her style so she looks a little more like a woman rather than a rebellious teen.
Last edited by Hugosvoice; 06-04-2015 at 11:44 PM..
When people make dumb excuses for not giving someone a chance, it is because they simply are not into them. Another 5'7 guy could come along that the OP's friend would be really into. The height thing is just a way to explain away lack of attraction, because often there is not any one thing people dislike nor one thing they like; it is generally a whole package deal.
I feel that people are generally not picky enough. I know that if I had been pickier in my youth, I could have saved myself a lot of emotional distress and wasted years.
But what does this have to do with height?
Suddenly, if she finds a 6'4" guy, he's gonna rock her world entirely based on that feature of his body?
Maybe I'm a little too idealistic, but I thought personality actually meant something. I guess not. I guess it's all about physical features.
That said, she's the one that is always coming to me crying about how another guy has left her in the dust. She has never had a serious relationship. Like ever. So it just baffles me that she is being so incredibly picky with these other guys. She wants a 6'+ Adonis, but she's apparently (going by her track record) not attractive enough to have a 6'+ Adonis.
Suddenly, if she finds a 6'4" guy, he's gonna rock her world entirely based on that feature of his body?
Maybe I'm a little too idealistic, but I thought personality actually meant something. I guess not. I guess it's all about physical features.
That said, she's the one that is always coming to me crying about how another guy has left her in the dust. She has never had a serious relationship. Like ever. So it just baffles me that she is being so incredibly picky with these other guys. She wants a 6'+ Adonis, but she's apparently (going by her track record) not attractive enough to have a 6'+ Adonis.
Her reasons are her own and she's living with the consequences. You are on the outside looking in. I agree with the poster who said that the height issue may be an excuse; something she can point her finger to.
When I was single I had friends and family telling me that I was too picky, or a commitmentphobe, etc. Friends tried to set me up with their friends and I knew in 2 seconds that it wasn't going to be a match. I'm sure it left my well-meaning friends shaking their heads. Hasn't that ever happened to you?
Maybe I'm a little too idealistic, but I thought personality actually meant something. I guess not. I guess it's all about physical features.
.
Personality is something one discovers over time. There's needs to be some interest, however shallow, to inspire a person to want to get to know someone better.
Have you ever pursued someone whom you did not find attractive? I mean, you've been on CD venting about your love life just like your friend vents to you. Maybe you should take your own advice and date women with "great personalities".
Sounds like she's rejecting the ones who actually have a chance of liking her before they reject her.
Get what I'm saying?
I think these people KNOW the super hot ones are unlikely to ever be interested. So it's pretty safe to say they like them, etc. And it's not as much a blow to the ego if they are rejected. Like, duh. Of course.
When it's someone less perfect, that rejection's gonna sting like a jellyfish. So reject prior to being rejected.
I recently had a conversation with one of my close female friends and she stated that she didn't want to go on a date with a guy simply because he's 5'7". Otherwise, he's in decent shape and is not unattractive.
This same friend is not particularly attractive herself (nice body, but her face is not very attractive IMO; very masculine). She has had terrible luck with dating, to the extent that she's on anxiety meds and seeing a psychiatrist about her self-worth.
Why do people do this? If they are not having the best of luck with people wanting to be with them, then why are they so darn picky over trivial matters such as height? I'm really scratching my head on this. It's frustrating to me, because I'm the one she usually seeks advice from when another guy rejects her. Now she wants my input on rejecting guys who aren't 6'2" Adonises.
People have preferences. I remember I used to date a woman that she was big, but she did have a cute face. She admitted to me that she did not find me physically attractive. I wasted time, money and energy on that person, but I had a sense that she was not into me anyway. But again that was her preference and desire so I had to let that go if her happiness laid in the walls of validation. I find that people want to be with good looking people even though they aren't for the purpose of validation which usually back fires eventually. Now a days I'm very cautious with dating overweight women from now on because they tend to be insecure about themselves and who they should date.
As for your friend? She should be a bit more realistic in her preferences. Height is nothing we can do about, and other physically characteristics like eye colors can be augmented, teeth and weight takes time and money to improve. I can understand if it was a realistic preference like she wants a man with a college degree, a man with no kids, family oriented, a man that is well traveled and can stimulate her mind, but because of height issue she would not want to be with someone? She should look for solid personality components for building relationships than physical ones which do not last forever and fade.
If Ops friend wants to be picky about things...she is only affecting her dating outcome and chances for finding someone.
My new husband, was totally off the "picky" charts for me under "preferences". But my intuition kept nagging me about "go back and read his profile again".
It turns out, we hit it off splendidly! We both had some road blocks to get over ....with each of our personal preferences. The thing is...if I hadn't gone back and re-evaluated him, I wouldn't be with him now.
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