Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Her reasons are her own and she's living with the consequences. You are on the outside looking in. I agree with the poster who said that the height issue may be an excuse; something she can point her finger to.
Of course, we do not know the whole story ... but it might very well be just an excuse.
I'm going to suggest another possibility: she might be a person who has self-sabotage issues. In fact she might like the guy, finds him acceptably attractive, but rejects him anyway. Why do people do this? It is sabotaging their own best interests. Perhaps she's afraid of rejection. I suspect that there are self esteem issues at work here ... the OP has already suggested that might be a problem. Psychological barriers and social anxiety might also be contributing factors.
Just because a woman is no beauty herself or a man is not handsome means they should go out and date people they find unattractive. I disagree with those who think unattractive people can't have standards and that "beggars can't be choosers."
Of course, we do not know the whole story ... but it might very well be just an excuse.
I'm going to suggest another possibility: she might be a person who has self-sabotage issues. In fact she might like the guy, finds him acceptably attractive, but rejects him anyway. Why do people do this? It is sabotaging their own best interests. Perhaps she's afraid of rejection. I suspect that there are self esteem issues at work here ... the OP has already suggested that might be a problem. Psychological barriers and social anxiety might also be contributing factors.
Just because a woman is no beauty herself or a man is not handsome means they should go out and date people they find unattractive. I disagree with those who think unattractive people can't have standards and that "beggars can't be choosers."
Have to agree. Beggars can't be choosers is true when it comes to something you need. Like clothes, food, water and shelter.
Dating is a luxury at best. You won't die without a SO in your life. So you may as well have one you actually want, rather than just take whatever just because others think you're ugly. And if you can't find someone you're attracted to, just being single works for some, rather than settling for someone they aren't interested in, just to say they're seeing someone.
I do think one needs to be the best they can be. Find a look that they like, and be the person they are proud to be. When they are actually happy with themselves, then they're where they should be, and now it's just finding someone they want, and appreciates their qualities. Their qualities, some may find to be unattractive, but they don't think they are. So far as they're concerned, they have a right to reject whomever they reject. Taste is different.
you were in fact relating your personal experience in your comment in this thread no? not what you meant or intended but what you actually wrote / said.
Observation IS part of personal experience. You still assumed. Own it.
It is but you never mentioned it. Thus, I only go off what you actually say, as I do not assume you did or didnt.
The way you responded is indicative of your assuming I didn't. Otherwise you wouldn't have made the "apples/oranges" comment. The reaction had you not assumed, would likely have been to ask for clarification or for me to amplify my comments.
Anyway, we're off topic. If you want to assume you didn't assume, be my guest. Either way, childish semantic discussion over on my end.
These are definitely not the same thing. What you described as women's preferences are completely superficial and does not have any bearing in actual life.
What you described as men's preferences are not. Age is important. If a guy is 35, he may still want to have children. So he may reject a 35 year old woman because she will be far less likely to be able to reproduce than a 25 year old woman. Completely logical reason.
And a high BMI suggests poor self-control, poor habits, laziness, a disregard for health, and, possibly, mental health issues.
So, yeah, definitely not a good comparison here.
Very few 35-year-old women have trouble conceiving. That's an excuse immature men use to justify chasing after women 10 years younger. The poster you responded to was making a fair point.
And a high BMI suggests poor self-control, poor habits, laziness, a disregard for health, and, possibly, mental health issues.
Comments like this suggest ill-informed, not able/willing to consider variables beyond ht/wt, limited understanding.
I'm 5'7" and weigh 170. That puts my BMI at 26.6, well into the "overweight" category. And yet, I'm probably in better shape than you are. Significantly better, even.
Threads like this feed my worry about online dating. Not saying that no good things have come of the phenomenon, but...
remember when people used to just fall for personalities by way of knowing each other through a group of friends, or belonging to the same club, or doing the same activity, etc.? How many of us might have rejected our spouse over some trivial feature if we'd met them online, but instead fell head over heels for them just because we got to know them before they registered as a romantic prospect? I know it happened that way for me.
I've known a few people who met online, and I think it has its merits, but it makes me wonder how many potential great relationships have failed to happen just because of shallow criteria like 'height'?
Threads like this feed my worry about online dating. Not saying that no good things have come of the phenomenon, but...
remember when people used to just fall for personalities by way of knowing each other through a group of friends, or belonging to the same club, or doing the same activity, etc.? How many of us would probably say that we might have rejected our spouse over some trivial feature if we'd met them online, and yet we fell head over heels for them just by getting to know them before they registered as a romantic prospect?
I've known a few people who met online, and I think it has its merits, but it makes me wonder how many potential great relationships have failed to happen just because of shallow criteria like this?
This is why I wish I didn't grew up trying to date in this day and age.
A common theme in this thread is "what's wrong with being picky?".
There are good things to be picky about, and stupid things to be picky about. IMHO.
Good things to be picky about:
The way someone treats opposite sex, in general (is nice to you but has a bumper sticker that includes the words "fat chicks"? Red flag). The way someone treats hospitality employees (like human beings, or like lowly servants?). The way someone treats animals (kicks their dog? Red flag).
Silly things to be picky about because you might be rejecting a soul mate:
HEIGHT. Ethnicity. Accent (just because an accent sounds "uneducated" to your ears doesn't mean he/she is). Taste in music (such a twenty-something thing to worry about!). Car. Where degree was obtained. Hair/eye color. It goes on and on.
The point is, the love of your life could be someone a bit shorter than you thought you wanted, with different hair, and a different ethnicity, different taste in music, different type of education. It's entirely possible! People have been pairing up with "not what I pictured" types for millennia.
True deal breakers have more to do with personality clashes than with physical descriptors. If your ideal physical type is disrespectful towards the family member you love the most, what does it matter that he/she is the perfect height?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
